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Clips from The Good Place - Most Improved Player (S01E01)

"This file contains a compendium"
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"of all of the highest impact events from your life."
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"That's the biggest positive and negative point swings."
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"So "Little Julie," who's that?"
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"Julie is my cousin's daughter."
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"Her mom is kind of a mess, so I used to take her"
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"to the mall sometimes and bought her churro dogs."
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"It's a hot dog, but the bun is two churros."
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"It's an Arizona delicacy."
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"Oh, sounds awful, but it's very nice that you made that girl happy."
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"So what's this "Kool Threadz,"
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""Glendale, Arizona's Premiere T-Shirt Emporium"?"
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"Uh... Can we skip around and circle back?"
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"How about I tell you more about those churro dogs?"
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"They came with unlimited ranch dressing."
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"Let's hear about the t-shirts, please."
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"Okay."
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"I'll tell you, but it doesn't make me look great,"
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"so don't judge me."
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"That's literally the purpose of this entire exercise."
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"Okay, to understand this,"
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"you have to know about my roommate, Madison."
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"Um, I have to go to this stupid work party tonight."
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"Can I borrow your peach dress?"
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"Ooh, that's a hard no, babe."
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"That dress is like twice your salary."
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"All right, I gotta go to the DMV and pick up my vanity plates."
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"Ciao, bitches."
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"Well, that's not great,"
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"but I assume you confessed and paid to fix it."
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"Not exactly."
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"Hey, losers, I'm going out. Can you zip me?"
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"Dude, that dress is hella ripped."
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"What?"
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"Oh, that stupid dry cleaner!"
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"Well, that's the risk you take when you keep your clothes clean."
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"She sued for $900 for the dress and $80,000,000 in emotional distress."
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"The legal fees drove the dry cleaner out of business."
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"Oh, boy."
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"Wait, this story's about t-shirts."
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"There's more, isn't there?"
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"A little."
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"Check this out."
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"Somebody put the dry cleaners' story online, and it went viral."
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"The "Dress Bitch"? Yikes."
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"Serves her right."
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"This is her fault."
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"Yeah, her fault. That works."
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"You guys, what is happening?"
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"Someone egged my Lexus,"
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"Over a loser dry cleaner man?"
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"Why is everyone so jealous of me? This is a trash city, full of idiots."
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"- The "Dress Bitch" is so catchy. - Yeah."
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"I mean, someone could totally make t-shirts."
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"No, no. No. No."
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"That and then sold them for a profit?"
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"Wish I could tell you that, bud. I really do."
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"Girl, check it out! They're here."
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"Wait a second. Is this insane? I mean, should we be doing this?"
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"Dude, Madison brought this on herself, okay?"
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"She's a nightmare of a person to everybody."
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"Plus, we already have a ton of pre-orders."
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"Holy mama!"
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"I can't believe you sold the t-shirts."
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"Does it help if they basically sold themselves?"
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"I think you know it does not."
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"What did you do with the money?"
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"Yeah. I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that."
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"Thanks, babe."
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"Next question."
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"Eleanor."
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"the lives they've led,"
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"Yello, Bad Place. What's up, dummy?"
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"This is Michael, the architect from Good Place Neighborhood 12358W."
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"I'm guessing you've been looking for someone called Eleanor Shellstrop."
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"She's here. Come and get her."
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"What is this?"
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"What is that smell? Ew."
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"Get out of here!"
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"Hey, think fast, I brought you something."
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"Oh, nuts, thank you. Oh!"
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"Oh, flaming snake ate all the nuts you brought me."
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"Argh. You're too nice to humiliate."
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"Oh, hello."
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"Hi, you look like a piece of crap, are, are you Eleanor?"
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"Dude, you're like a legend in The Bad Place."
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"You're... Check this out."
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"- Huh? - "Dress Bitch"!"
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"It's pretty great, right?"
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"Trevor..."
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"Do you know what caused this mistake? 'Cause I cannot figure it out."
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"No, we're stumped, but, don't sweat it, champ."
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"She's definitely one of ours."
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"So we'll just roll on out, and you can get back to,"
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"putting rainbows up your butt or whatever you do here. Okay?"
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"Let's hit it, sweetheart. We got a long ride."
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"What? Right now?"
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"Trevor, for decency's sake, let her have some good-byes."
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"God, good people are the worst."
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"Okay, uh, 30 minutes. We gotta get back for The Bachelor."
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"I just want to say, once more, for the record,"
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"that this whole good/bad system is bull-shirt."
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"There should be a medium place for people like me"
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"who kind of sucked, but in, like, a fun, chill way."
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"I agree."
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"I'm sorry I dragged you into this."
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"And that I waited until you were"
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"about to do yours then secretly tossed mine"
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"into the basket to trick you into doing it."
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"You didn't trick me. I repeatedly asked you to stop."
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"Just know you did everything you could to help me."
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"You're a really good fake soul mate."
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"What are you guys doing here?"
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"Well, we only thought it was only proper to see you off."
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"It's the neighborly thing to do."
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"You guys came to say good-bye because you're my friends."
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"Well, I... Suppose some part of me"
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"possibly has a sense of casual kinship with you."
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"Much as one might be fond of a street cat."
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"Thanks, Tahani."
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