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Clips from Family Guy - No Chris Left Behind (S05E05)

"Chris, being expelled is a serious thing."
Family Guy
"Peter, we've got to find another school for him."
Family Guy
"After all, I taught Cleveland how to make Jiffy Pop."
Family Guy
"Quahog School for the Deaf has great programs,"
Family Guy
"both academic and athletic."
Family Guy
"In fact, you're just in time for our homecoming pep rally."
Family Guy
"I can't hear you!"
Family Guy
"Kill them!"
Family Guy
"Our curriculum consists of being on boats"
Family Guy
"for long periods of time with men, just men for many days at a time."
Family Guy
"Up on the deck with lots of men or down in the galley with lots of men."
Family Guy
"Is this some kind of pirate school?"
Family Guy
"Well, a certain kind of pirate. Yes, we've been called that."
Family Guy
"Is there some kind of preschool program?"
Family Guy
"I guess I just convinced myself things would work out for him,"
Family Guy
"but with no education, what kind of future can he possibly have?"
Family Guy
"What are we supposed to do, Lois?"
Family Guy
"And every other school we've tried just doesn't..."
Family Guy
"Oh, crap!"
Family Guy
"My son got into DeVry."
Family Guy
"Ah, good. What'd he have to do,open the door?"
Family Guy
"Can't you let me have anything?"
Family Guy
"Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Hang on."
Family Guy
"What are we fighting about?"
Family Guy
"- I cannot for the life of me remember. - Oh, my God, that's ridiculous."
Family Guy
"Well, that sounds lovely."
Family Guy
"Uh, that was delicious."
Family Guy
"and I've never been inside; isn't that funny?"
Family Guy
"W-We had reservations at another place and they... right, right, honey?"
Family Guy
"Yeah, they couldn't seat us for like an hour, so we ended up coming here"
Family Guy
"I can see why. I mean, th-that halibut was..."
Family Guy
"that, may have been the best halibut I've ever had."
Family Guy
"Well, glad we talked you out of the pork chops, huh?"
Family Guy
"Oh, no, no, no,no, no, I got it."
Family Guy
"No, no, no, no, no. I'm taking care of this."
Family Guy
"No, no, no, your money's no good here."
Family Guy
"We invited you. I've got this."
Family Guy
"- Look, just let goof the check, huh. - You let go of the check."
Family Guy
"Don't you talk to my wife like that!"
Family Guy
"Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do about it?"
Family Guy
"And every other school we've tried just doesn't seem to be a good fit for Chris."
Family Guy
"Well, there is one other option."
Family Guy
"Daddy, there's something I need you to do for me."
Family Guy
"Chris got expelled from James Woods High, and,"
Family Guy
"well, I was wondering if you could get him into that fancy boarding school you went to."
Family Guy
"You want me to get Chris into Morningwood Academy?"
Family Guy
"It would mean so much to our family."
Family Guy
"All right, I'll pull some strings on one condition:"
Family Guy
"I want Peter to do something really humiliating."
Family Guy
"Well, what did you have in mind?"
Family Guy
"He has to shoot and starin' a shot-for-shot remake of Liar, Liar for my amusement."
Family Guy
"I didn't signal when I pulled away from the curb. I almost hit a Chevy."
Family Guy
"I changed lanes in the intersection without signaling."
Family Guy
"I changed lanes while running a red light and speeding!"
Family Guy
"Well, Chris, here we are."
Family Guy
"Boy, a degree from here would set you up with any job you wanted."
Family Guy
"Yes, I should attend this institution."
Family Guy
"Perhaps one day I could be more powerful than King Friday."
Family Guy
"I am the supreme ruler of the Neighborhood of Make Believe."
Family Guy
"All will kneel before my..."
Family Guy
"What kind of freakin' king lives next to the train tracks?"
Family Guy
"What is this, Mexico?"
Family Guy
"Hi. Is this room 214?"
Family Guy
"Oh, you must be our new dorm mate. I'm Rogers Chapstick,"
Family Guy
"heir to the Chapstick fortune."
Family Guy
"And this is Virgil MasterCard, heir to the MasterCard fortune."
Family Guy
"And this is James Bottomtooth, IV."
Family Guy
"- Uh... I'm Chris. - Let me get those bags for you. Johann?"
Family Guy
"Oh."
Family Guy
"Oh, I see."
Family Guy
"This school is not for your kind!"
Family Guy
"Why?!"
Family Guy
"I still don't fully understand!"
Family Guy
"...and that was the third time I slept with Katherine Harris."
Family Guy
"One time I picked my nose and I swear I could feel the bottom of my eye."
Family Guy
"Everybody's mean to me because I'm not rich."
Family Guy
"Oh, no, Chris, that's horrible."
Family Guy
"All right, look,I'll tell you what."
Family Guy
"I'll call Daddy and I'll see if there's anything he can do."
Family Guy
"Where am I?"
Family Guy
"Grandpa?"
Family Guy
"Chris, welcome to the Skull and Bones Society."
Family Guy
"Every president, every CEO, every douchebag named Ryan Seacrest."
Family Guy
"The Skull and Bones Society has been a part of my family for decades,"
Family Guy
"and we want you to become a member."
Family Guy
"Excellent. You get your own stock portfolio,"
Family Guy
"a percentage of the 9/11 Victims' Fund,"
Family Guy
"You'll be kept as healthy as a horse."
Family Guy
"- So, how's that leg doing? - Great. Great. Never better."
Family Guy
"Good. Why don't you try putting some weight on it?"
Family Guy
"Yes! Yes! Oh, that's good."
Family Guy
"That feels good. Very strong."
Family Guy
"Sorry, Thunder, I gotta put you down."
Family Guy
"How's your leg, huh?!"
Family Guy
"How's your leg?! You ready to race?!"
Family Guy
"Think Small Versions of Things Are Really Cute."
Family Guy
"Tiny phone!"
Family Guy
"Tiny everything!"
Family Guy
"Peter, have you seen this tuition bill?"
Family Guy
"Morningwood Academy is charging us $30,000."
Family Guy
"Well, looks like we're all gonna have to take second jobs."
Family Guy
"I guess I'll see if I can get my old gig back selling buttscratchers at the ballpark."
Family Guy
"Buttscratcher! Buttscratcher! Get your buttscratcher here!"
Family Guy
"- Buttscratcher! - Buttscratcher!"
Family Guy
"Buttscratcher!"
Family Guy
"- Buttscratcher! - Buttscratcher!"
Family Guy
"we go to a local orphanage, pick out a kid, fill out all the paperwork"
Family Guy
"and then don't take him home. It's hilarious."
Family Guy
"There are toys. And a puppy."
Family Guy
"Okay, I guess you don't want a new family, toys, and a puppy."
Family Guy
"- Hi, Chris. - Hello.Hey, how are you?"
Family Guy
"Well, tell us everything,sweetie."
Family Guy
"It's great, Mom."
Family Guy
"Chris, I'd give you a hug, but I'm exhausted from working two jobs to pay your tuition."
Family Guy
"I've been selling buttscratchers."
Family Guy
"- Buttscratcher! - No, Peter."
Family Guy
"Buttscratcher..."
Family Guy
"You got an extra job just to put me through school?"
Family Guy
"Meg and I have been working nights."
Family Guy
"I'll take the one on the right."
Family Guy
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