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Clips from South Park - A Million Little Fibers (S10E10)

"Well, I guess I'm just an extra special... Person."
South Park
"You talk in your book how you would sometimes"
South Park
"have to spend days hung up on a rack."
South Park
"What would that do to you emotionally?"
South Park
"You have been through so much,"
South Park
"and I think that people all over America..."
South Park
"Oh, God, there she goes again."
South Park
"Babbling about people's lives and carrying on."
South Park
"She hasn't paid any attention to me in years."
South Park
"A life that kept getting up whenever it was down..."
South Park
"Nobody knows what it's like to be Oprah's minge."
South Park
"All she does is work, never gives her old minge a nice rub now and again."
South Park
"A minge needs attention! At least a scratch once in a while."
South Park
"Well, Steven, your book hasn't sold a lot of copies yet,"
South Park
"She'd pet me for hours using every finger."
South Park
"But now I just sit here in the dark. Not even so much as a pinkie."
South Park
"And so, Steven, I'm making your book"
South Park
"my official Book of the Month selection!"
South Park
"Really?"
South Park
"Wow! I'm gonna get super-rich now!"
South Park
"Okay."
South Park
"Well, listen, maybe we can get her in as a guest on the 19th."
South Park
"All right, is John Travolta available to be a guest the week after that?"
South Park
"Okay, that might work better since it's sweeps week..."
South Park
"Can't take it any more. All she ever does is work, work, work."
South Park
"Never pays attention to the old minge."
South Park
"I'm always trapped in these stuffy pantsuits."
South Park
"I want attention. I'm bloody bored!"
South Park
"Oh, stop your complaining. I'm trying to sleep back here!"
South Park
"- Oi, who's that? Is that you, Gary? - Yes, it's me. You think you got it bad?"
South Park
"Oprah hasn't paid any attention to me in years."
South Park
"Oh, what do you care? You're just an asshole."
South Park
"I'm a minge! Minges need stimulation!"
South Park
"Assholes need stimulation, too, you bastard."
South Park
"I want to travel. I want to see Paris. I thought life was going to get better,"
South Park
"but Oprah's always busy."
South Park
"I'm either puking up mounds of chocolate cake"
South Park
"or teaspoons of wheat grass."
South Park
"She's a workaholic."
South Park
"Let's face it, the only way we're ever going to get any attention"
South Park
"is if Oprah's doesn't work any more."
South Park
"- Well, that will never happen. - Not unless she gets fired."
South Park
"That bloke on the show today, the one Oprah supported."
South Park
"He isn't a bloke at all, he's a towel."
South Park
"- How do you know? - I'm a minge."
South Park
"Minges know a towel when they hear one."
South Park
"If evidence gets out that Oprah's champion author is a towel,"
South Park
"she'll look right foolish."
South Park
"Fans will start dropping off by the millions."
South Park
"- How do we get proof? - We get somebody else to do it."
South Park
"The greatest investigative reporter of our time."
South Park
"There's somebody on the phone to speak with you."
South Park
"He says he has inside information for you that may discredit Oprah Winfrey."
South Park
"This is Geraldo."
South Park
"Hello, Geraldo. I've got some information for you"
South Park
"that you might find interesting."
South Park
"It could make Oprah Winfrey look quite foolish."
South Park
"Who am I speaking with?"
South Park
"Let's just say I work very closely with Oprah."
South Park
"What did he say?"
South Park
"Just tell me what he says, Gary,"
South Park
"don't wait for me to ask you, "What did he say?""
South Park
"- Stop wasting my time. - Don't get snooty with me, Gary."
South Park
"I didn't say "stop wasting my time," Geraldo did!"
South Park
"All right, Gary, this isn't working. Let's switch. I'll listen, and you talk."
South Park
"Hello?"
South Park
"- Who is this? - This is Gary."
South Park
"Gary who? What is your last name?"
South Park
"All right, look, all you need to know is that I am definitely not Oprah's asshole."
South Park
"Now just tell him this..."
South Park
"The writer of the book on Oprah's Book of the Month Club is a phoney."
South Park
"He's not a person at all. He's a towel."
South Park
"A towel? A talking towel? That doesn't make any sense."
South Park
"Tell him he'd be surprised the things that can talk."
South Park
"You'd be surprised the things that can talk."
South Park
"What proof do you have of this accusation?"
South Park
"Just look into the author of A Million Little Fibres"
South Park
"Hello? Hello?"
South Park
"This is Larry King Live."
South Park
"My guest tonight is Steven McTowelie,"
South Park
"author of the acclaimed book A Million Little Fibres."
South Park
"- How are you tonight, Steven? - Well, Larry, I'm a little high."
South Park
"Your book has helped a lot of people beat addiction. What made you write it?"
South Park
"Well, Larry, I was really just writing down my memoirs as a..."
South Park
"Joining us live from Afghanistan, here is Geraldo Rivera."
South Park
"Hello? Larry, are you receiving me?"
South Park
"We're here, Geraldo. You're live on the show."
South Park
"and I have come up with a shocking discovery"
South Park
"that is going to rock the balls and ass of the literary world."
South Park
"- You're a towel! - No, you're a towel."
South Park
"- Well, you're a beaner towel! - What did you say?"
South Park
"I'm sorry, I'm high."
South Park
"This looks pretty bad, Oprah."
South Park
"Your fans look to you to be all-knowing and all-seeing,"
South Park
"and you've just spent two weeks supporting a lying, racist towel."
South Park
"He did it, Gary! Geraldo got the proof!"
South Park
"Oprah's got egg all over her face! She'll have to retire!"
South Park
"It's the beginning of a new life for us, Gar!"
South Park
"Without her career to worry about,"
South Park
"Oprah's sure to travel the world, enjoy the finer things in life."
South Park
"She'll spend hours just playing with her old minge."
South Park
"- And her Gary, too? - Sure, and her Gary. We did it, mate!"
South Park
"Oprah, we need to figure out what we're going to do!"
South Park
"What's the big deal?"
South Park
"His book helped people. Why does it matter that he made some stuff up?"
South Park
"Are people really going to be that mad?"
South Park
"Your book got me to give up alcohol, but I thought you were a person!"
South Park
"Yeah! We want our money back, you dumb towel!"
South Park
"Oh, God, I'm really in trouble now."
South Park
"Hello?"
South Park
"Steven, it's Oprah. Can you come on my show again tomorrow?"
South Park
"Why?"
South Park
"We need to tell the audience why you changed some of the facts in your book."
South Park
"That you thought it necessary to heighten certain things"
South Park
"to make the book more relevant to people."
South Park
"Hey, yeah."
South Park
"Just come on the show and explain in a very level-headed way"
South Park
"that changing some facts shouldn't matter if the book helps people."
South Park
"- Okay? - Okay."
South Park
"- Thanks, Oprah, you're a real friend. - See you tomorrow."
South Park
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