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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Pilot (S01E01)

"Or actually,"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
"ten of me are doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco."
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"Get it together, man. Okay?"
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"I'd like a list of all your employees,"
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"whoever had access to the store."
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"I'd also like to apologize for my partner."
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"I already solved the case."
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"We're looking for three white males,"
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"He's been here for years."
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"His code name?"
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"Fuzzy Cuddle bear."
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"He's a nanny cam."
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"No, I got here five minutes before you"
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"there had to be at least one working camera."
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"Oh! Hi, bad guys!"
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"You did it, fuzzy. You busted 'em."
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"I've been undercover so long, I've forgotten who I am."
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"I have seen terrible things."
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"I haven't known the touch of a woman in many moons."
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"All right."
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"Don't walk away from me!"
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"Ah, yeah."
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"It's a good feeling."
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"Enjoy it while it lasts."
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"I will!"
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"JP, update on the Morgenthau murder?"
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"luxury food importer Henry Morgenthau."
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"Body was found by the cleaning lady,"
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"during her interview, I deduced, using expert Detective work,"
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"that she had something super gross on her chin."
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"I think it was butterscotch pudding."
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"Maybe it was just old person gunk."
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"Oldie gunk. Could be, yeah."
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"How about we focus on the murder"
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"and not the old person gunk?"
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"Wait, tell us about the new Captain."
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"He'll wanna introduce himself. Dismissed."
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"Hey, Gina."
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"You know any scalpers?"
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"I wanna ask Rosa to go to the Rihanna concert with me,"
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"but it's sold out."
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"First, Rihanna..."
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"You..."
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"And then Rihanna."
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"Yeah. What's your second point?"
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"Look, a Rihanna concert's a pretty big swing, man."
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"- I don't know. - She's into watching old movies."
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"Oh, yeah, just go on the Internet"
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"and search for the phrase I want to buy two movie tickets"
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"for a girl who doesn't like me."
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"Hey, you heard anything about the new Captain?"
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"He was terrible."
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"You just liked him 'cause he let you do"
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"If I'm ever gonna make Captain, I need a good mentor."
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"Sorry, dude..."
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"But this new guy's gonna be another washed-up pencil pusher"
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"who's only concerned with..."
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"Following every rule"
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"in the patrol guide."
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"Meep morp zeep. Robot Captain Engage."
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"- Is that what you think? - He-hey!"
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"New Captain alert."
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"That's not necessary."
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"Um, let's see."
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"when you implied I'm a rule-following robot."
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"I wanna hear it again."
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"I'd like you to be wearing a necktie."
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"Oh, actually, the last Captain didn't care if we wore ties."
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"Well, your new Captain does."
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"- Sergeant Jeffords, a word. - Yes, sir."
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"I love that guy."
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"Same!"
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"He's so suave."
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"Sergeant, you were in the 1-8 with me..."
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"Though you were significantly..."
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"Fatter, sir."
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"They called me Terry Titties."
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"Titties, yes. I remember."
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"What's this I hear about you being on administrative leave?"
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"A year ago, my wife and I had twin baby girls."
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"Cagney and Lacey."
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"They have adorable chubby cheeks."
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"Ever since, I kinda got scared of getting hurt."
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"There was an incident in a department store."
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"I think he's dead."
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"And I'm still not right."
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"Tell me about your Detective squad."
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"Um..."
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"They're pretty much worthless,"
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"but they make good coffee."
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"Copy that."
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"Tough, smart, hard to read, and really scary."
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"No! That takes all the fun out of it."
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"but he works harder than anyone else."
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"He's not physically gifted."
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"Ahh!"
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"Oh, my head! My muffin, my head!"
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"And I stepped on the... On my muffin!"
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"And my head and my muffin."
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"so she's always trying to prove she's tough."
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"Careful. That stuff's pretty hot."
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"Oh, is it? Hmm?"
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"Tell me about Peralta."
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"Jacob Peralta is my best Detective."
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"The only puzzle he hasn't solved"
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"therapy sessions."
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"This precinct is doing fine,"
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"but I wanna make it the best one in Brooklyn."
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"And I need your help."
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"Absolutely, sir."
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"Where do we start?"
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"Okay, so the perp came in through the window,"
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"left the muddy red footprint,"
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"and apparently had sex with the dish rack."
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"Shell casing found here. Two shots."
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"Hey, that's mine. You took it from my desk."
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"That's right, Charles. Good solve."
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"Now everyone be sure to put those on"
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"- unless you're wearing a tie. - Lay off the Captain."
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"Okay, first of all, when you use the word rabbi,"
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