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Clips from The Detour - The Dilemma (S02E02)

"Hey, so what's the deal with that ass?"
The Detour
"Oh."
The Detour
"Yeah. I can't tell you."
The Detour
"Okay."
The Detour
"What? You're fine with that?"
The Detour
"I'm assuming if you tell me, it's gonna incriminate me in some way."
The Detour
"And one of us has got to be a parent."
The Detour
"- Yeah. - And unlike you,"
The Detour
"I'm fine not knowing things."
The Detour
"What's he doing?"
The Detour
"I don't know."
The Detour
"Bastards."
The Detour
"Have either of you guys seen a rusty metal thing"
The Detour
"about, uh, yea big, weighs a shit-ton?"
The Detour
"Yes."
The Detour
"- Oh, so you know it? - Y-Yeah."
The Detour
"Where is it?"
The Detour
"I-It's somewhere, h-here."
The Detour
"You want to give me a hint?"
The Detour
"- Up ahead of us... - Cheers."
The Detour
"Above on the left, the Chrysler Building."
The Detour
"Last possible night with your ride-or-die."
The Detour
"Yeah."
The Detour
"What do you want to do? You want to get a hotel?"
The Detour
"- Walrus up on top of this? - So expensive."
The Detour
"No. I don't have a job."
The Detour
"What if I offer you the back door?"
The Detour
"What?"
The Detour
"- It's clean. - I'm sure it is."
The Detour
"I'm fine with the front door."
The Detour
"What if we try a threesome?"
The Detour
"Come on. With who?"
The Detour
"I don't know. Some dumb, cute girl."
The Detour
"Really? Some random stranger on a bus? That'd be awkward."
The Detour
"No, it's actually really easy now."
The Detour
"- It's not. Trust me. - Watch this."
The Detour
"Excuse me? Hi. Um..."
The Detour
"He's okay. Like, uncle hot."
The Detour
"- Mm-hmm. - Sorry, what?"
The Detour
"Yeah, you know, like, golf hot."
The Detour
"That's not hot."
The Detour
"- See? It's already awkward. - No, it's going really well."
The Detour
"Um, my husband and I love your jeans."
The Detour
"Thanks."
The Detour
"You guys looking for a threesome?"
The Detour
"- Holy shit. It's that easy? - So easy."
The Detour
"How did you know it was that easy?"
The Detour
"- Mom blogs. - You guys have a nice hotel?"
The Detour
"We're sleeping like five to a queen,"
The Detour
"so I could splinter off."
The Detour
"- Can we do that? - I..."
The Detour
"I-I would..."
The Detour
"- I would finish way too quickly. - That's perfect."
The Detour
"- It's reinventing history. - It's not."
The Detour
"It..."
The Detour
"Then why did you compliment my jeans?"
The Detour
"- She did. - I was being literal."
The Detour
"Sorry. Sorry."
The Detour
"Well, they're great jeans."
The Detour
"They are great jeans. I meant it."
The Detour
"I just want you to remember"
The Detour
"that you said no to that forever and ever."
The Detour
"Maybe sometime in the future we can..."
The Detour
"Nope. No. It's now or never."
The Detour
"I'm just not that horny"
The Detour
"thinking about losing my best friend, all right?"
The Detour
"Maybe you'll find a new best friend."
The Detour
"- I won't. - You might."
The Detour
"Start a new life, get a new wife."
The Detour
"'Cause I'm a shit show."
The Detour
"You certainly are."
The Detour
"But you're my shit show."
The Detour
"You know, you don't have to do this."
The Detour
"I do."
The Detour
"It's the only way."
The Detour
"Okay."
The Detour
"I just don't... How..."
The Detour
"How do I do this? What do I tell them?"
The Detour
"Just tell them the truth. They can handle it."
The Detour
"I know, but how do you say that?"
The Detour
"How do you say your mother might not be around?"
The Detour
"Who's gonna teach Delilah how to scare a boy into liking her?"
The Detour
"I can do that."
The Detour
"What about Jared? What if he realizes he's gay,"
The Detour
"And I'm not there to give him a great big hug"
The Detour
"and tell him it's what every mother hopes for?"
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"- I don't think he's gay. - I know."
The Detour
"I'm just throwing things out there."
The Detour
"I know. I..."
The Detour
"We'll do our best."
The Detour
"Like we always do."
The Detour
"You guys are gonna have a lot of fun."
The Detour
"What, you don't believe me?"
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"Come on. Would I lie to you?"
The Detour
"How can I be the Princess Ninja Starfish of Weird"
The Detour
"But I guess that's something you wouldn't understand,"
The Detour
"It's not like you were their real wife."
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"I was gonna tell him."
The Detour
"Got to spend some time with my kids."
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"Look. Right now, we got to start with what we know,"
The Detour
"Lots of money out."
The Detour
"by a wealthy, deceased relative to spend a shit-ton of money."
The Detour
"Bro, can we play darts? On the dart board?"
The Detour
"What?"
The Detour
"- I-I have... - I'm going to the police."
The Detour
"I was your mule."
The Detour
"We got in the lottery for that B. Frank show."
The Detour
"- Okay, get real. - He's not a space ape."
The Detour
"The man that has the means to set up"
The Detour