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Clips from Two and a Half Men - The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump (S01E01)

"What's your take on this whole no-keeping-score thing?"
Two and a Half Men
"Can I stay here next to you where it's safe?"
Two and a Half Men
"Can't slip one past you, can I?"
Two and a Half Men
"What? The kid plays, I have a date. Everybody wins."
Two and a Half Men
"Charlie, you cannot use my son to pick up single mothers."
Two and a Half Men
"Ernie loves the beach. Thanks for inviting him."
Two and a Half Men
"Anything for the kids. They're our future."
Two and a Half Men
"- So, where's Alan? - I sent him to the movies."
Two and a Half Men
"the "K" in "Kicks" is a little foot."
Two and a Half Men
"I'm sorry."
Two and a Half Men
"All right, well, nowadays, women pay for dinner."
Two and a Half Men
"I'll tell you one thing, I am not paying for dinner."
Two and a Half Men
"Don't be silly."
Two and a Half Men
"- What do you think you're doing? - What?"
Two and a Half Men
"We're here for fun, right? Nobody wins or loses."
Two and a Half Men
"I'm sure I'll read about it in the paper."
Two and a Half Men
"By the way, we were so sorry to hear about her and Alan."
Two and a Half Men
"- Why can't they throw rocks? - Go."
Two and a Half Men
"Jake, you should probably put your dead thing down, too."
Two and a Half Men
"Look at you."
Two and a Half Men
"No."
Two and a Half Men
"Who are we kidding?"
Two and a Half Men
"Exactly."
Two and a Half Men
"We'll be right back."
Two and a Half Men
"Exactly."
Two and a Half Men
"You wouldn't know what to do with a hot guy."
Two and a Half Men
"How can we possibly do this again?"
Two and a Half Men
"It doesn't matter if you win or lose. It's whether or not you beat the spread."
Two and a Half Men
"- Don't wait up. - Back to Vegas?"
Two and a Half Men
"- Kids. - I know. They're just..."
Two and a Half Men
"Please do."
Two and a Half Men
"It's really important for a woman your age."
Two and a Half Men
"Ernie, I am not gonna say it again."
Two and a Half Men
"Dad said you'd never get up to go to soccer with me."
Two and a Half Men
"Fine, but if you're not gonna come,"
Two and a Half Men
"But, yeah. It's a shame."
Two and a Half Men
"Make an appointment with my office, we'll see if we can fix that."
Two and a Half Men
"So we're agreed we'll set aside six inches for the editorial column?"
Two and a Half Men
"I brought some samples. We've got"
Two and a Half Men
"No, I think this was for something else entirely."
Two and a Half Men
"Sounds wonderful."
Two and a Half Men
"Don't be silly. It's what I do."
Two and a Half Men
"- Bill. - Charlie."
Two and a Half Men
"That's nice, too."
Two and a Half Men
"All right, then. You try and make her happy."
Two and a Half Men
"- Yeah. - It's nice."
Two and a Half Men
"That's not a problem."
Two and a Half Men
"there will be a newsletter!"
Two and a Half Men
"That's not what a play date is for."
Two and a Half Men