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Clips from New Girl - Fluffer (S02E02)

"...like he's a kid in a restaurant, and said I had to check fantasy football."
New Girl
"...you bone."
New Girl
"Where are you, Schmidt? This place is fancy and I don't know which fork to kill myself with."
New Girl
"- Pardon? - Sorry, I didn't..."
New Girl
"We're in a bit of a rut."
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"Here's the thermos."
New Girl
"- You're Tagg? - Tugg."
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"[WHISPERS] Fluff er."
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"- You're calling Mitt Romney "Dad" now? - Mm-hm."
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"[SOBBING]"
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"...and you have to decide if we're going to war. - I sigh because you sing about everything."
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"NICK: That was a pocket dial!"
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"- Okay. - Because if I hang out with you..."
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"Um..."
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"Most importantly..."
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"And that's not gonna happen."
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"When you're going through "a Taylor Swift-like range of emotions," I should come over, right?"
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"You would just pop up mad, but you were there."
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"- Agreed. - Good."
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"I'm old-fashioned below the belt."
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"- Hey. - You're a big girl."
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"- You can watch The Walking Dead alone. - Sam booty-called me..."
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"Ooh, Sam, he's so hot. I don't care. Good night."
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"- Don't... I need your help. - What?"
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"I'm terrible at casual sex."
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"I left him in there with crayons and paper..."
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"- You don't know what that is. - No, sir. I do not know what that is."
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"I panicked. Help me."
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"You can't separate your feelings from sex? So what? You're a girl."
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"- I deserve to have a shorty on the side. - Shorty's not... That's the wrong use of shorty."
New Girl
"[DOOR OPENS]"
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"Hey, I drew a cat."
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"Sorry, man, she's checking her fantasy football because she's... I'm not gonna do this."
New Girl
"[SINGING] Who's that girl?"
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"CHORUS: Who's that girl? - It's Jess"
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"WINSTON: Are we gonna talk about it? - Uh, talk about what, Winston?"
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"- It's after Labor Day. I'm wearing whales. - The dumbest thing ever."
New Girl
"You look like the bad guy in an '80s high school movie."
New Girl
"I'll have you guys know that Kanye wore this belt."
New Girl
"Let me say that one more time. Kanye."
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"- Kanye? - He looked beautiful. His midsection lit up."
New Girl
"What is your obsession with him?"
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"Befriending Kanye is the most efficient way to jump social strata."
New Girl
"All I have to do is meet him..."
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"...then dazzle him so we're each other's last call before bed."
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""Yo, what up, K? Yeah, I'm just going to sleep."
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"You watching Fallon? Heh. That brother's crazy.""
New Girl
"Tagg Romney, you know if your dad's gonna win?"
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"- He does look like a Romney. Ha, ha! SCHMIDT: Telling me..."
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"...I look like one of the most handsome men in politics does not hurt."
New Girl
"Last night was horrible. Sam came over, we tried to make out..."
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"...I stopped it and then we just laid there like two old people in The Notebook."
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"- Waiting to die. - Jess, I get it. You're the type of person that..."
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"You need to ease into these kind of things"
New Girl
"- Let us take you out tonight. NICK: Mm-mm."
New Girl
"Okay? And that way you can feel like you're going on a date first."
New Girl
"Yes, like we're all dating in a large, non-sexual friend group."
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"- My nightmare. Have fun. I'm out. - Come on, Nick. Please?"
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"Why are you doing this, Jess? Why don't you just date a guy that you like?"
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"This is good for me. I jump into relationships."
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"Plus, Sam's not the kind of guy you spend Saturdays in your sweatpants with."
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"He's the kind of guy..."
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"Can't help. At a crucial point in my novel."
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"- You selfish bastard. - I'm not selfish."
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"- I have to get through... - I'm sick of this zombie novel nonsense."
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"- It's not nonsense. - Friends help friends have meaningless sex."
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"- Okay? Now you're going. End of story. - You got it."
New Girl
"I gotta bail. Kanye is at this club tonight."
New Girl
"What? This was your idea."
New Girl
"I can't miss this. I got the belt on, I took Winston..."
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"...to prove I can be friends with black people."
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"You shut up, Schmidt. Shut up. This is ridiculous. I'm leaving right now. Bye."
New Girl
"Whoa. Heh. Wow."
New Girl
"Forgot what you look like when you're not dressed like the loft troll."
New Girl
"What I mean to say is you look: Va-va-va-va-voom!"
New Girl
"- Heh. - Hello, nurse!"
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"Hubba-ba. Meow! Zing!"
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"- You can stop me at any time. - Are the guys coming or...?"
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"No, it's just us. They bailed. If you wanna go back..."
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"...or we could both go back. We're here, so... - We're already here."
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"- Can I get your chair, milady? - So weird."
New Girl
"[IN DEEP VOICE] Loft troll not used to fancy gentlemen."
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"- Shut up. Why are you yelling? - [IN NORMAL VOICE] That was loud. Ha, ha."
New Girl
"[ALL CHATTERING]"
New Girl
"Winston. You've been staring at this girl for five minutes."
New Girl
"I hope you're checking her out, or you're a serial killer, which would explain a lot."
New Girl
"No, checking her out? No, dude, I'm in a relationship. Like, happily. Shelby and..."
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"- Shelby and I haven't had sex in three weeks. - For real?"
New Girl
"[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]"
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"- I'm cheating on Shelby. - What?"
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"- No, no, in my mind. I'm cheating in my mind. - In your mind? So what? So what?"
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"What do you mean, so what? I'm doing it all the time. I can't control myself."
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"Everybody does it all the time. How do you think I get through the day?"
New Girl
"Whoa. Okay, wow. Um, well, in that case..."
New Girl
"Hey, lady, can I introduce you..."
New Girl
"...to this lady?"
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"- This place is crazy expensive. - Schmidt picked it."
New Girl
"I can afford the valet charge and the "add onions.""
New Girl
"Then you'll be happy to meet my little Scottish friend."
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"You unexpected genius. Is that whiskey?"
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"- White wine. - White wine?!"
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"Why would you do white wine?"
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"- No. - All right, my man."
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"- Not gonna happen. WINSTON: Schmidt?"
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"It's the belt, man. Take off the belt."
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"The only thing I know is this belt is amazing."
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"If you're gonna wear that thing, make it work for us, okay?"
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"- You got a plan? - Yeah, I got a plan. Of course."
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"- Go talk to your peeps. - It's not my peeps."
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"- Go talk to your peeps. Come on. Word. - Don't say... Don't do this:"
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"We got Tagg Romney here. We'll need you to sweep the perimeter."
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"- What the hell you talking about? - Tagg Romney. Pleasure to meet you, sir."
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"- Romney. Like, Mitt Romney's your daddy. - Let's get America back to work."
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"You know, the drunker you get, the more obvious you're being with the thermos."
New Girl
"Thermos? Thermos? I'm sorry, I don't understand. What's a thermos?"
New Girl
"That one, right there in your hand."
New Girl
"Oh, the thermosé? Heh, heh."
New Girl
"- This is fun. - This is really fun."
New Girl
"[CELL PHONE BEEPS]"
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"It's Sam. He's done with work and he wants to "hang out.""
New Girl
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