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Clips from The Cleveland Show - You're the Best Man, Cleveland Brown (S01E01)

"You are getting married here, today."
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"...Loretta's entire estate will go to a Mr. Glenn Quagmire..."
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"I didn't see it, but I heard it was hilarious."
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"I'm gonna go lie down."
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"- How you figure? - Because you're a coward."
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"How was your shopping spree, Miss Donna?"
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"I've pleasured over 500 ladies in my time."
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"...except this isn't a complete waste of time and effort."
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"I thought this day would never come."
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"Morning, Dad. Check out my new Eddie Bauer limited edition Boba Fett costume."
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"Cool. Hey, old man. You got change for a hundred?"
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"Hakeem Olajuwon."
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"9/11 will do that to a man."
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"I ain't got no Internet."
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"No, Cleveland."
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"Mm-hm."
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"I'm sorry, Mom. Dad always treated you so terribly."
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"A woman needs what a woman needs."
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"Lavar, in 41 years, you've never apologized to me for anything."
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"Why are you doing that?"
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"With the sale of your deli, Mom's life-insurance policy..."
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"No, Junior. I don't want you to give back the money."
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"The man's a grade-A heel."
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"- Wake up. - What the hell you think you're doing?"
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"And not the bad kind I take medication for."
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"Stay away from his grits, Cleveland."
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"You know, you don't listen too good. You really should..."
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"What are you doing?"
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"...and the reckless-homicide settlement I got from Peter Griffin, I did just fine."
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"Or you can risk it all for whatever's behind Door Number 2."
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"Oh, Junior. We couldn't..."
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"Hey, look. My dad's back."
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"Yeah, everyone thought they'd be gone years ago, but they're still kicking."
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"I wear hats now."
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"I thought I felt the joy being sucked out of my life."
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"And that is what we call an "uh-oh moment." Any questions?"
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"But eventually you settle for stable and predictable."
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"- Sounds like a plan. - We're bonding."
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"...that man can tag it, bag it and sell it to the butcher. Mm."
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"Ba-de-ya Never was a cloudy day"
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"Cleveland, it's the reading of your ex-wife's will."
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"It was great, Junior. And thank you for letting me use your new Amex card."
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"Not yet. But I'll let you know as soon as it arrives."
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"- What? - Sweet greens and submarines."
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"I don't think it's so surprising. Every woman loves a bad boy."
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"You try to tame him, but you can't."
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"He's a wild animal."
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"I bet I can."
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"...by being a bridesmaid."
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"He's not coming, is he?"
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"And when I was feeling low, he'd fry some fish for me."
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"Please stop talking."
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"...and stronger than me, but I'm more of a man than you'll ever be."
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"Looks like we're getting married."
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"I think we all just need to calm down."
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"We've been taking crap from Dad our whole lives and I've never said a word."
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"And I'll pay for the whole thing."
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"I love you. I love you too. Cut it out."
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"Oh, Cleveland, you don't know your father as well as I do."
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"- Where are you going? - I'm taking the 4:15 back to Petersburg."
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"Now, everybody get your ass in the back yard..."
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"So I can buy another new hat. That's my thing."
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"Mm. If I ever did switch to the dark side, I'd call myself Darth Shawarma."
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"Oh, I just had a brainstorm."
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"Mom, wait."
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"...before I turn this into a funeral."
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"While chasing the clouds away"
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"Unfortunately, Junior, the will also states..."
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"So your husky son's got more money than you now, huh?"
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"Honestly, Roberta."
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"You can touch one."
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"- So if it comes up, play it cool. - Ha, ha."
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"What's up with you and Mom talking to your child that way?"
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"I even saw most of Bride Wars until my body shut down to protect itself."
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"Oh, Cookie up there"
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"Now, who gives this here woman to be married to this here man?"
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"...on our ladies and hit the gross nacho bar?"
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"Oh, I guess I should just be grateful we're finally getting along."
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"Mom's gonna catch a bus in 15 minutes."
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"How could he do this to me?"
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"Then let's take a look at what you didn't choose."
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"...but if there's anything I can do to help you..."
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"Damn, that's a good grip."
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"And that's how you shake a loose can."
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"Not if you're gonna be a crying little piss-pants about it."
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"Oh, and it's on the chair."
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"Robert, my dad, Freight Train."
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"I don't know where he is. Why don't you ask his best man?"
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"Hey Get on up"
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"What if I'm a worse husband to her than I was the last time?"
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"All right"
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"Well, I've looked over Loretta's will and it's pretty straightforward."
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"I'll lend you all the money you need. I'm rich."
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"Better not make him give it all back."
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"Have you ever had a screenplay produced?"
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"Look at them all you want..."
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"Catch you later, doughboy."
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"Yeah, strip clubs aren't, uh, ideal for a guy like me who doesn't, um, wear pants."
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"Ha, ha. Why are we laughing? What's the joke?"
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"We all know Freight Train sucks, but he loves you..."
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"Nice work, tubby."
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"And now, ladies and gentlemen, Earth, Wind & Fire."
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"Oh, my God. Are you asking me to be your best man?"
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"Ha, ha. All right, but if she don't take me back..."
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"Mm. Lord help these children today."
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"Why is everyone still here?"
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"You're right. We're invited to lots of weddings with an open bar..."
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"...Cleveland Orenthal Brown Jr., blah, blah, blah."
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"Ugh. I've told you that story like six times."
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"Oh, I'm not gonna make it."
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"Re-marrying Dad?"
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"Did you know that not a single man in our family has lived past the age of 63?"
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"He is my only son."
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"...and show her who you really are, she might not like what she sees."
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"And I'm gonna need someone to take care of me."
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"I also got a shawarma machine so I can have succulent lamb meat 24/7."
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"For a second, I thought I was a falcon."
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"- Hey, Junior. Do you have my check? - Here you go."
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"You've been with five women your whole life?"
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"Cookie, I'm sorry."
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