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Clips from Son of Zorn - Defender of Teen Love (S01E01)

"- Mm. Yeah. Sure. Let me just... - Nah."
Son of Zorn
"- Just leave it. Yeah. Let's just go. - No, I should clean it up."
Son of Zorn
"- No, seriously, leave it. - It'll only take a second."
Son of Zorn
"No, the poop's great. It's good on our lawn."
Son of Zorn
"Ooh, wooh, wooh..."
Son of Zorn
"- (dog whines) - You know what?"
Son of Zorn
"Actually, I'm just gonna leave this poop."
Son of Zorn
"So..."
Son of Zorn
"Oh, Dad, thank you so much for the help."
Son of Zorn
"So funny. I'm really glad you're back."
Son of Zorn
"Aw, come on!"
Son of Zorn
"Oh, do I see a little smile?"
Son of Zorn
"Maybe it wasn't funny."
Son of Zorn
"It feels funny when I'm doing it."
Son of Zorn
"(moaning, smooching)"
Son of Zorn
"Mm-hmm. That's undeniable."
Son of Zorn
"Why would you need hand dryers? Let's say you got a sackful"
Son of Zorn
"of severed hands, okay, but some of them are still wet,"
Son of Zorn
"'cause they're covered in the tears"
Son of Zorn
"of the children that they were holding."
Son of Zorn
"Zorn, I am starting to get the sense"
Son of Zorn
"you have no idea what you're doing."
Son of Zorn
"But the important thing is I'm having fun, right?"
Son of Zorn
"No. That's not the thing. The thing is to make a sale,"
Son of Zorn
"- and you have not made one. - And yet I'm still having fun,"
Son of Zorn
"Have you tried using the script?"
Son of Zorn
"It can be pretty persuasive. Todd already landed"
Son of Zorn
"two new accounts using that script last week."
Son of Zorn
"It's a great template. But, you know, I have a tendency to feel"
Son of Zorn
"that I get my best results when I'm just winging it."
Son of Zorn
"(school bell rings)"
Son of Zorn
"- (indistinct chatter) - (ringtone playing)"
Son of Zorn
"I got a..."
Son of Zorn
"Huh? Yeah."
Son of Zorn
"- Hello? - ZORN: Hey, buddy."
Son of Zorn
"- Uh, I was calling to apologize. - For what?"
Son of Zorn
"For yesterday, or just, like, my entire childhood?"
Son of Zorn
"No, no, no, just for yesterday."
Son of Zorn
"Look, and I've also been thinking, there is"
Son of Zorn
"an area I might be helpful to you, you know."
Son of Zorn
"You seem to be keen on a certain"
Son of Zorn
"elfish, waifish Asian maiden."
Son of Zorn
"- Am I right? - Dad, it's fine. I don't really want..."
Son of Zorn
"Alangulon, listen, I don't mean to brag here, but I've been"
Son of Zorn
"with a lot of women over the years, okay?"
Son of Zorn
"We're talking Tora, Princess of Light,"
Son of Zorn
"Yonna, Princess of Victory,"
Son of Zorn
"Helena, Princess of, um..."
Son of Zorn
"Damn it. I don't even remember what she was princess of,"
Son of Zorn
"- I was so darn wasted. (chuckles) - Can I..."
Son of Zorn
"I got to go. Wha-What's up?"
Son of Zorn
"Doesn't matter. Look, what I've learned"
Son of Zorn
"is that to get a woman, son,"
Son of Zorn
"- Corn Nuts. - Trust me, son,"
Son of Zorn
"chicks love Corn Nuts. It makes all the sense"
Son of Zorn
"- in the world... I mean, they're crunchy... - Great."
Son of Zorn
"Okay, I got to go. I'm at school. Bye."
Son of Zorn
"- And the bag is in... - (school bell rings)"
Son of Zorn
"EDIE: It's not your garage anymore, Zorn."
Son of Zorn
"Craig and I are getting married. Get over it."
Son of Zorn
"- EDIE: Hey, sweetie. - Hey. - Hey, Alan."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, your dad called this morning"
Son of Zorn
"to apologize... Did he reach you?"
Son of Zorn
"Yeah, he called, and then he tried"
Son of Zorn
"to give me advice about girls."
Son of Zorn
"you'd come to me if you needed advice about girls."
Son of Zorn
"- Nope. - And second of all, he calls it"
Son of Zorn
"- a "vajiba." - Aah! Don't say that."
Son of Zorn
"once you're finished grading?"
Son of Zorn
"Uh, not "grading," Alan."
Son of Zorn
"Grading implies the traditional letter system,"
Son of Zorn
"which, as you know, I find limiting."
Son of Zorn
"For instance, this student just scored a P7."
Son of Zorn
"Is that like an A?"
Son of Zorn
"(chuckles): No, Alan, it's not like an A."
Son of Zorn
"- Is it like an A-minus? - Yes."
Son of Zorn
"EDIE: Ooh. What if we take"
Son of Zorn
"the boxes to him?"
Son of Zorn
"Dad's boxes? He still hasn't picked up that crap?"
Son of Zorn
"Well, in Zorn's defense, he did take the Game Boy."
Son of Zorn
"You know, his apartment is on the way to that"
Son of Zorn
"estate sale you wanted to go to."
Son of Zorn
"Honey, could you move the boxes into your car?"
Son of Zorn
"You'd get a P7 in my book."
Son of Zorn
"Maybe even a P8."
Son of Zorn
"A C?"
Son of Zorn
"♪ ♪"
Son of Zorn
"Mm. Ah..."
Son of Zorn
"- Water. - What?"
Son of Zorn
"I just said "water.""
Son of Zorn
"(laughs): Yeah. That's what it is."
Son of Zorn
"(Alan exhales)"
Son of Zorn
"Water, water, lots of drops to drink."
Son of Zorn
"- You know? With the... - Yeah."
Son of Zorn
"- You can drink it. You got to have it. - Okay."
Son of Zorn
"Uh... hey, Nancy."
Son of Zorn
"Corn Nuts?"
Son of Zorn
"Yeah."
Son of Zorn
"Yeah. Sure. I love Corn Nuts. (chuckles)"
Son of Zorn
"Oh."
Son of Zorn
"Really?"
Son of Zorn
"Uh-uh."
Son of Zorn
"Oh."
Son of Zorn
"- Ah. - 'Cause..."
Son of Zorn
"- Where did they go? - You asked me."
Son of Zorn
"Where did the Corn Nuts go?"
Son of Zorn
"Okay. Well..."
Son of Zorn
"- See ya. - Hey, yeah,"
Son of Zorn
"I do, too."
Son of Zorn
"(knocking)"
Son of Zorn
"Hey, Alangulon! All right!"
Son of Zorn
"Get on in here, buddy. Come on in."
Son of Zorn
"Make yourself at home."
Son of Zorn
"So, what do you think? I know it kind of looks"
Son of Zorn
"- like a, uh... - A place where crackheads"
Son of Zorn
"- go to have sex? Yeah. - Yeah. Exactly. Yeah."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, can I get you anything? You know, a glass of water,"
Son of Zorn
"maybe, or some butter? Oh, you know, I got a big old bag"
Son of Zorn
"- of warm meat in the bathroom sink. - Uh, that's okay."
Son of Zorn
"I'm kind of trying to cut back on warm sink meat."
Son of Zorn
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