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Clips from South Park - Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants (S05E05)

"before sending it over."
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"- Johnson! - Sir!"
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"- Check the goat for diseases. - Yes, sir!"
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"The goat seems to be clean, sir!"
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"I told you. Those Afghan kids just wanted to give us something back"
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"Well, what are we supposed to do with it?"
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"You're gonna have to take it home with you, Kyle."
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"Dude, my mom won't even let me have a hamster!"
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"- Kenny? - No fucking way, dude."
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"Well, I guess we're gonna have to kill it."
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"We'll just have to take the return address"
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"They're closing!"
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"Excuse me, we want to overnight this goat to Afghanistan, please."
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"- Excuse me? - It's an Afghanistan goat"
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"so it can't stay here or else it'll choke on the sweet air of freedom."
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"Afghanistan? I'm sorry, boys, but our planes aren't flying there."
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"They're not?"
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"The only planes going to Afghanistan are the military planes over at the base."
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"- I'm sorry. - Oh, yeah! The military planes!"
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"Come on, goat. We'll put you on one of them."
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"Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base."
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"- They might shoot us. - I don't care, we're going."
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"Don't forget to bring a towel."
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"Oh, no, not Towelie."
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"When going some place new, you should always bring a towel."
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"- Okay, thanks, Towelie. - You wanna get high?"
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"No, we don't want to get high!"
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"You mean, you don't want Towelie around?"
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"- That's right. - So am I to understand"
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"God damn it! Get the hell out of here, Towelie!"
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"All right, see you."
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"All right, troops, we depart for Afghanistan in five minutes."
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"Let's move out!"
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"Yeah! And I hear that as soon as we land we get a USO show!"
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"We do! Stevie Nicks is going to perform!"
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"Oh, Stevie Nicks? I love her."
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"Okay, it's clear. Come on."
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"Hey, you!"
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"What the hell do you think you're doing here?"
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"I'm sorry, Ms. Nicks. Hey, guys, it's Stevie Nicks!"
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"Oh, wow!"
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"- Can I get a picture? - Ms. Nicks? Over here, Ms. Nicks!"
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"Oh, Ms. Nicks, I don't want to bother you,"
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"but could you sing a quick Fleetwood Mac for us?"
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"- Could you? - Yeah! Oh, please!"
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"- Come on, come on. - That'd be great!"
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"No way! That was great!"
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"Well, we've got to get Ms. Nicks on the plane to Afghanistan, guys."
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"Ms. Nicks isn't answering any more questions."
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"Oh, sure, we understand, move along!"
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"- She looks great. - She looks great."
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"There we go. You're gonna be okay, goat."
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"You'll be back in Afghanistan in about 20 hours."
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"Stan, if you're finished having your tearful goodbye with the goat,"
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"- We'd like to go now, please. - All right."
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"All right. Tango clear, let's head out."
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"- Oh! Son of a bitch! - Hey, wait! There's children in here!"
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"Oh, shit, we're locked in."
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"Dude, it looks like we're going to Afghanistan."
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"How could things get any worse?"
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"Welcome to Afghanistan, troops!"
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"Sir, yes, sir."
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"God damn, it stinks like shit!"
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"- What the hell? - Cartman farted in there!"
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"It didn't smell that bad, you guys are overreacting."
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"I don't smell any... Oh, God!"
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"- Oh, whatever. - You son of a bitch, Cartman!"
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"You don't fart when you're locked in a small space with other people!"
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"if it wouldn't mind staying tucked away for a while."
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"Dude, no wonder terrorists come from places like this."
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"- If I grew up here, I'd be pissed off, too. - Hey, look, there's a taxi."
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"Hello. We need to go here."
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"God, what is this, the freaking Flintstones?"
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"- Is this the right house? - I think so."
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"Hi. We're from America."
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"We sent you the dollar? The four dollars? You sent us this goat."
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"Goat?"
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"- Here, we don't want it. - Oh, you want something else?"
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"All we had was the goat. Your country bombed everything else."
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"No, dude, we're not ungrateful, it's just, none of us can keep the goat."
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"It was choking on the sweet air of freedom in America,"
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"so we brought it back to your crappy country."
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"Hey! What the hell are you doing?"
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"Yeah, they told us in school that everyone but terrorists love America."
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"- What did you call us? - Your country is the evil empire!"
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"but your values and your spirituality are in the gutter!"
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"- Then why did you send us a goat? - Because in Afghanistan we have pride."
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"If you send us something, we must send something in return."
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"It doesn't mean we don't still hate you. Now get out of here."
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"- I told you, Jawas have no hearts. - Jawas?"
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"You know, sand people."
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"Well, we tried, dude."
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"If anyone else in this crap hole hates Americans,"
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"we better just leave the goat and get back to the plane."
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"All right."
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"Oh, look, he's following us. It's so sad."
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"- God, I hate you so much, Stan. - What?"
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"Howdy."
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"Well, boys, it's about time we got back to our house in Canada, isn't it?"
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"Hey, what the hell are you talking about?"
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"I'm not a goddamn Canadian, and neither are you."
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"You've got to listen to me. We're not spies."
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"He got a boner for this goat and..."
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"Oh, crap, it's him!"
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"America..."
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"And cut!"
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"Dude, these people are insane."
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"As more and more cases of terrorist-related AIDS continue to grow."
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"The Taliban has apparently taken American civilians as hostages."
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"The Taliban has just released this videotape,"
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"in which it is clearly visible that they have indeed captured Stevie Nicks."
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"so the Taliban can't get to them as well."
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"- They took Stevie Nicks? - Bastards! Heartless, gutless bastards!"
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"All right, men! Grab your guns and your Bibles!"
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"The Taliban's video also shows what appears to be"
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"four American children in captivity, though they could just be French."
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"They are not spies. They came to give us our goat back."
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"- Screw them! They're evil Americans! - I know."
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"But if we don't help the innocent ones,"
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"then we're no better than the Americans are."
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