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Clips from American Dad! - I Ain't No Holodeck Boy (S09E09)

"Have any of you ever held an actual nudie magazine"
American Dad!
"that your friend, Mark,"
American Dad!
"Oh, no, haven't done that, no. No."
American Dad!
"And I bet you've never felt the rush"
American Dad!
"of stumbling across a dead body while roaming through the woods."
American Dad!
"No, Papa."
American Dad!
"Well, I have."
American Dad!
"And all that real-life living"
American Dad!
"made me the man I am today."
American Dad!
"I didn't need video games."
American Dad!
"I invented my own games, like rock fight."
American Dad!
"Not sure you invented rock fights."
American Dad!
"I did invent it!"
American Dad!
"I defeated the guy who taught me."
American Dad!
"Dad, we make our own games, too."
American Dad!
"That game you so rudely shut off,"
American Dad!
"we jzushed up with code we wrote ourselves."
American Dad!
"Steve, the words you just strung together devastate me."
American Dad!
"Oh, for God's sake."
American Dad!
"Dad, we were FaceTiming with each other."
American Dad!
"Who said that? Identify yourself."
American Dad!
"These kids are wasting their childhoods"
American Dad!
"on their video games and phones."
American Dad!
"So this weekend, I'm taking them to the woods"
American Dad!
"so they can have the kind of adventures I had as a kid."
American Dad!
"Absolutely not."
American Dad!
"Velcro, like an infant."
American Dad!
"But, Mom... I mean Francine!"
American Dad!
"You will not take our boy into the woods"
American Dad!
"or you're grounded! I mean, cut off from sex."
American Dad!
"Will Stan keep his promise?"
American Dad!
"Will they...?"
American Dad!
"Have you ever looked up at the night sky"
American Dad!
"and thought, "I'd like to get in on that"?"
American Dad!
"At the International Star Registry,"
American Dad!
"you can actually purchase your own star."
American Dad!
"I bought one for my wife on our anniversary."
American Dad!
"I haven't bought one yet, but I'm real close."
American Dad!
"Ha! What a bunch of suckers."
American Dad!
"That's as stupid as buying a goat"
American Dad!
"for a poor family in Africa."
American Dad!
"Roger, you know every year"
American Dad!
"sending a goat over there."
American Dad!
"You could have shipped Jim Breuer for half the cost."
American Dad!
"American Dad! Remembers Jim Breuer."
American Dad!
"You know what, I am sick of you pretending"
American Dad!
"you don't care about anything"
American Dad!
"and making fun of those of us who do."
American Dad!
"Sure, make another joke."
American Dad!
"But deep down, I know you care about something,"
American Dad!
"Sounds like a great use of your time,"
American Dad!
"mustache."
American Dad!
"It's sad."
American Dad!
"Kids today!"
American Dad!
"I never saw the point of playing inside."
American Dad!
"Until I was sent to an all-boy's boarding school."
American Dad!
"Then my tune changed."
American Dad!
"like wolves' kids do."
American Dad!
"Sir, these cucumber sandwiches are divine,"
American Dad!
"Whoa! What the hell?!"
American Dad!
"Where are we?"
American Dad!
"At the top of an active volcano!"
American Dad!
"This control room is able to calibrate force fields"
American Dad!
"so strong that the holographic images"
American Dad!
"projected onto them feel real to the touch."
American Dad!
"Ah! So it works like the holodeck."
American Dad!
"The what now? From Star Trek."
American Dad!
"Some of us spent the late '80s and early '90s"
American Dad!
"getting laid, Smith."
American Dad!
"So it can recreate any environment?"
American Dad!
"Well, any environment stored in our bank of human memories."
American Dad!
"Wait, you recorded our memories?"
American Dad!
"They weren't headphones."
American Dad!
"Those things never worked."
American Dad!
"Actually, they worked perfectly."
American Dad!
"Here's one of mine. Have a look."
American Dad!
"Oh, Avery, you're as tight as the fabric"
American Dad!
"on a reupholstered davenport."
American Dad!
"So this holodeck could simulate the woods"
American Dad!
"I played in as a child?"
American Dad!
"but you do know we're seconds away from a sex scene, right?"
American Dad!
"This one's going straight to Instagram."
American Dad!
"Oh, Klaus already liked it."
American Dad!
"Thanks, Klaus!"
American Dad!
"No, thank you!"
American Dad!
"I decided to buy a little present for myself."
American Dad!
"You bought a star."
American Dad!
"Not just any star."
American Dad!
"Look closer."
American Dad!
"That's-that's my home planet's sun."
American Dad!
"And I own the deed. It's mine."
American Dad!
"I guess that makes me your leader."
American Dad!
"Yeah, it bothers you, doesn't it?"
American Dad!
"Maybe I found something you care about."
American Dad!
"It's a piece of paper that means absolutely nothing."
American Dad!
"Oh, then you won't care"
American Dad!
"if I name the star after something you hate."
American Dad!
"You could name it Jessica Seinfeld,"
American Dad!
"for all I care."
American Dad!
"Maybe I will."
American Dad!
"We're running out of time!"
American Dad!
"Hit her with everything!"
American Dad!
"Toshi, use your mega-hanger!"
American Dad!
"I know he's gonna be a monster, but I do love babies."
American Dad!
"Boys, I'm sorry I was a jerk the other day."
American Dad!
"I'd like to make it up to you."
American Dad!
"I'm taking you all to Gamer Town"
American Dad!
"to buy you whatever games you want."
American Dad!
"I also got you guys these cheeseburgers."
American Dad!
"Well, I guess today is gonna be my cheat day."
American Dad!
"You really came around on thi..."
American Dad!
"Mine's not working."
American Dad!
"Oh, man."
American Dad!
"Your dad must have roofied those hamburgers."
American Dad!
"Where the hell are we?"
American Dad!
"so technically I kept my promise to Francine."
American Dad!
"My first promise."
American Dad!
"Guys, how long do you think we can last out here?"
American Dad!
"I'm not going out a virgin."
American Dad!
"Well, if trees count, then I'm Wilt Chamberlain."
American Dad!
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