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Clips from Friends - The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate (S01E01)

"So does he have a hump and a hairpiece?"
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"there."
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"They weren't looking at you before?"
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"Hi."
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"He says, "Hello," I want to kill myself."
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"- and tied it around my neck. - Cookie?"
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"You never knew she was a lesbian?"
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"I told Mom and Dad last night. They took it pretty well."
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""I'll never have grandchildren," was what? A wrong number?"
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"Sorry."
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"Can I tell you what the answer is?"
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"But I don't want to be single, okay?"
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"I just want to be married again."
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"And I just want a million dollars!"
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"and I was looking at this really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat."
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"I had to get out of there, and I started wondering.."
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"- Who wasn't invited to the wedding. - I hoped that wouldn't be an issue."
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"I'm sorry. I just don't love him."
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"It's a metaphor, Daddy!"
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"Look, Daddy, it's my life."
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"I guess we've established she's staying with Monica."
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"Well, maybe that's my decision."
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"Raindrops on roses And whiskers on kittens"
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"I helped."
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"Please don't do that again. It's a horrible sound."
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"- He finally asked you out? - Yes!"
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"It's a "Dear Diary" moment."
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"- Really?- Go on! It's Paul, the wine guy!"
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"Hi, come in! Paul, this is.."
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"A-wandering?"
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"I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good."
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"until it starts to get red."
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"Joey and Chandler are helping me with my furniture."
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"I wish I could, but I don't want to."
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"Love is sweet as summer showers Love is a wondrous work of art"
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"But your love Oh, your love, your love"
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"using a bunch of these little worm guys."
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"- Done with the bookcase. - All finished."
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"She always drank it out of the can. I should have known."
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"- Oh, my God. - I know. I'm such an idiot."
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"You probably think it's about making love with your socks on, but it isn't."
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"It's about me. And I just"
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"But it isn't me. It's not me."
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"I'm divorced."
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"That only took me an hour."
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"That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream."
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"Rocky road and cookie dough and bing cherry vanilla."
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"How long?"
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"I'm glad you smashed her watch."
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"But Joanie loved Chachi. That's the difference."
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""Grab a spoon.""
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"I got a date with Andrea. Angela. No, Andrea."
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"to ask a woman out.."
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"- That is amazing. - Congratulations."
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"- Morning. - Morning, Paul."
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"- Hello, Paul. - Hi. Paul, is it?"
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"Thank you."
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"at the little theater in the park?"
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"Once I was a wooden boy A little wooden boy"
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"Did you talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling."
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"Want a wedding dress? Hardly used."
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"- Hi, Monica. - Franny, welcome back."
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"You mean, you know Paul like I know Paul?"
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"What? I take credit for Paul."
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"Of course it was a line."
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"Why would anybody do something like that?"
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""To get you into bed.""
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"I just thought he was nice, you know?"
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"I can't believe you didn't know it was a line."
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"Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing."
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"- I was laughed out of 12 interviews. - You're surprisingly upbeat."
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"50% off."
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"How well you know me."
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"I've got great boots" boots."
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"I know that. That's why I was getting married."
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"Mom had killed herself, stepdad was in jail."
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"I ended up living with this albino guy who was cleaning windshields."
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"Then I found aromatherapy. So I know exactly how you feel."
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""Anyway..""
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""Ready to jump out of the plane with no parachute?""
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"Welcome to the real world!"
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"Oh, boy! All right."
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"Maybe."
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"Okay."
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"Okay, maybe I will."
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"I just grabbed a spoon."
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"- I can't believe what I'm hearing. - Can't believe what I'm hearing"
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"- You won't know a butt if it bit you. - There's an image."
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"- I'm just serving it. - I'll have a cup of coffee."
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"There's nothing to tell. It's just some guy I work with."
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"You're going out with the guy."
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"Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date."
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"It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex."
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"Sounds like a date to me."
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"and I realize I'm totally naked."
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"I've had that dream."
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"Then I look down and I realize there is a phone.."
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"What do I do? Everyone starts looking at me."
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"Finally, I figure I'd better answer it."
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"Which is very, very weird because she never calls me."
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"Carol moved her stuff out today."
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"No, don't! Stop cleansing my aura."
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"- Just leave my aura alone, okay? - Fine, be murky."
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"No, I don't. To hell with her. She left me!"
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"No! Okay?"
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"So that hysterical phone call from a woman sobbing.."
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"You're angry. You're hurting."
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"Hey, you're single. Have some hormones."
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"- Rachel? - Oh, Monica! Thank God!"
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"I went to your building.."
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"and a guy with a hammer said you'd be here, and you are."
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"- Can I get you some coffee? - Decaf."
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"Everybody, this is Rachel, a Lincoln High survivor."
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"This is everybody. Chandler and Phoebe.."
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"Joey. Remember my brother, Ross?"
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"Sure!"
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"You want to tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?"
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"Well, it started about a half-hour before the wedding."
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"I was in the room with all the presents.."
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"I realized I was more turned on by this gravy boat than Barry."
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