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Clips from Silicon Valley - To Build a Better Beta (S03E03)

"Pied Piper. It's a promising compression company that doesn't pay very well."
Silicon Valley
"- You sent her the beta? - I did."
Silicon Valley
"It's riddled with bugs."
Silicon Valley
"Really? Cause I've been test driving it all day,"
Silicon Valley
"and it's pretty fucking awesome."
Silicon Valley
"Congratulations, Richard. It's so fucking cool."
Silicon Valley
"And when the neural net kicks in, it's gonna be rad."
Silicon Valley
"But, you know, I did have one problem, though."
Silicon Valley
"I tried to restore an old file"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, well, that was a bad merge."
Silicon Valley
"It's been there for months. I fixed it in ten seconds."
Silicon Valley
"Maybe."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, maybe beta."
Silicon Valley
"- Hi, Dinesh. - Tara."
Silicon Valley
"Wait, that can't be right. How can Bachmanity still be so far in the hole?"
Silicon Valley
"He was renting virtually everything in the house."
Silicon Valley
"It was for display purposes only. So you forfeit your deposit."
Silicon Valley
"It's a cannon. What's he supposed to do, not fire it?"
Silicon Valley
"That was the provision."
Silicon Valley
"Big Head's really broke."
Silicon Valley
"You know what? He's young. He'll get past it."
Silicon Valley
"- You were partners. - Fair point."
Silicon Valley
"is almost a rite of passage, like herpes simplex one."
Silicon Valley
"and you're disgusted by your own dick."
Silicon Valley
"But after a while,"
Silicon Valley
"Mr. Bachmann, you structured Bachmanity as a general partnership."
Silicon Valley
"Then, with no money in the bank,"
Silicon Valley
"you threw a million-dollar luau on Alcatraz."
Silicon Valley
"You're on the hook for that."
Silicon Valley
"And even declaring bankruptcy"
Silicon Valley
"isn't going to absolve you of these debts."
Silicon Valley
"- Bankruptcy? - It's none of my business. Good luck."
Silicon Valley
"Wait, where are you going? We need you. You're our business manager."
Silicon Valley
"There's no business remaining to manage."
Silicon Valley
"Good day, Mr. Bachmann."
Silicon Valley
"Hey, good news. They said we can each keep"
Silicon Valley
"All right, so I've set up a sign-up page for the beta,"
Silicon Valley
"I've already got my list."
Silicon Valley
"Hm, we only get ten each. This could be prickly."
Silicon Valley
"Well, I'm out. I don't trust anyone."
Silicon Valley
"It's a huge part of my belief system."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, there was a transactional nature to that exchange"
Silicon Valley
"- which I'll get into if you want. - Pass."
Silicon Valley
"But it doesn't mean that I trust her,"
Silicon Valley
"and I certainly don't trust anyone else."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, in other words, you have no friends."
Silicon Valley
"On principle. I could make what rises"
Silicon Valley
"to your low standards of a friend any time I want."
Silicon Valley
"Gilfoyle, if you're not gonna use your ten invites,"
Silicon Valley
"- could Dinesh and I have them? - Sure. Knock yourselves out."
Silicon Valley
"Loser. He's got no friends."
Silicon Valley
"- Okay... - Miriam, Sylvia..."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, Samantha! I almost forgot her."
Silicon Valley
"Um, did you honestly think that you could send me an email"
Silicon Valley
"telling me that you were launching the beta without sending me the beta?"
Silicon Valley
"Come on. I'm dying to see it."
Silicon Valley
"Well, I think the whole point of it, Monica, is to get"
Silicon Valley
"the beta into the hands of unbiased people"
Silicon Valley
"Besides, I... I just gave out my ten invites."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, if Monica wants an invite,"
Silicon Valley
"- Are you sure? - Yeah, no problem."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, Monica, well, you're in luck."
Silicon Valley
"Dinesh has decided to give you one of his codes, so..."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, so I did a rough accounting"
Silicon Valley
"of your assets and liabilities."
Silicon Valley
"Jared, don't look at me like that. Just give it to me straight."
Silicon Valley
"All right. Your house has appreciated"
Silicon Valley
"for what Zillow and Redfin think it's worth..."
Silicon Valley
"I'd still be half a million in the hole."
Silicon Valley
"I... I went back through your records."
Silicon Valley
"Uh, at first, I'll admit a bit voyeuristically,"
Silicon Valley
"- which were staggering... - Yeah. Fuck, yeah."
Silicon Valley
"But one number jumped out at me."
Silicon Valley
"Now, whoever did your accounting earmarked almost 70 percent"
Silicon Valley
"of Big Head's settlement money for taxes."
Silicon Valley
"Seventy percent?"
Silicon Valley
"Even in Taxo-Alto, which I coined, would be half that."
Silicon Valley
"Where did that money go?"
Silicon Valley
"I may have the answer."
Silicon Valley
"I'm sorry. You're accusing me of impropriety?"
Silicon Valley
"renting giant fiberglass tiki heads,"
Silicon Valley
"and $40,000 more when one of them was misplaced"
Silicon Valley
"on the way back to the rental house?"
Silicon Valley
"I told you it wasn't misplaced. I know exactly where it is."
Silicon Valley
"Nelson, come on. You can't possibly believe this."
Silicon Valley
"- Sorry. - Don't apologize to him."
Silicon Valley
"Arthur, you listen to me, and you listen good."
Silicon Valley
"I even considered selling my house to pay them."
Silicon Valley
"So you are going to go in your little fucking piggy bank"
Silicon Valley
"right now and pay back every fucking kopeck"
Silicon Valley
"that you stole from Big Head, and if you don't,"
Silicon Valley
"perhaps perform it for a man named the D.A."
Silicon Valley
"Ridiculous."
Silicon Valley
"Very well."
Silicon Valley
"Let's go, Big Head."
Silicon Valley
"Wait."
Silicon Valley
"- Give me back Big Head's fucking money! - Yeah!"
Silicon Valley
"I can't, because I don't have it."
Silicon Valley
"Hey, Marc, we may have a problem."
Silicon Valley
"Well, a buddy of mine at Datatrode sits next to a guy"
Silicon Valley
"Should I tell Gavin?"
Silicon Valley
"Fuck no. We're still two or three months out."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, if he hears Pied Piper's already in beta,"
Silicon Valley
"Fine. But if it ever comes up, I didn't hear about this."
Silicon Valley
"- And this came in when? - 43 minutes ago."
Silicon Valley
"And deleted six minutes after that."
Silicon Valley
"caught the relevant keywords."
Silicon Valley
"I decided to walk it to you personally."
Silicon Valley
"An employee's withholding critical information about a competitor."
Silicon Valley
"This is a fireable offense."
Silicon Valley
"You want me to bring this guy in?"
Silicon Valley
"destroying the spirit of trust and freedom to innovate"
Silicon Valley
"that I've worked so hard to build here at Hooli."
Silicon Valley
"- Is there anything I can do? - Yeah."
Silicon Valley
"I will figure out a way, sir."
Silicon Valley
"Finally. Where the fuck have you..."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, Kevin, this is Dinesh, one of my coworkers."
Silicon Valley
"Hey."
Silicon Valley
"We're friends now. Isn't that right, Kevin?"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah."
Silicon Valley
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