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Clips from The Good Place - Chidi's Choice (S01E01)

"You and I are soul mates. It makes so much sense."
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"like a desert flower betwixt two oases,"
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"but true love's also very simple."
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"was a lot better than mine. Can I get a do-over?"
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"I need to step outside... for some air,"
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"and I will not be back"
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"You have to..."
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"It looks calm now, but the storm is imminent."
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"- We're... - What's up, Carson Daly?"
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"My name is Jason."
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"I wanna give a shout-out to all my homies up in Jacksonville."
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"A hurricane is coming. You need seek shelter."
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"- I'm on TV! - Okay."
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"Hey, Janet?"
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"Hi, there. What are you watching?"
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"My greatest accomplishment ever."
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"I'm trying to cheer myself up because I'm sad."
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"I think I might be in big trouble."
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"Can you bring me something that will make me not-sad?"
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"Let me think."
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"Sorry that took so long."
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"Here you go."
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"Oh, dang."
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"Are these from my favorite restaurant, Stupid Nick's Wing Dump?"
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"Stupid Nick's closed down because a pelican fell"
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"in the flash fryer, but he opened a new place"
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"called Ugly Nick's Meat Trench."
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"These are an exact replica of that recipe."
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"Why are you so nice to me?"
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"Well, you were very nice to me while I was rebooting."
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"Also, I'm programmed to be nice to everyone."
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"Janet?"
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"I just realized something."
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"I love you."
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"Okay."
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"I have one more question for you."
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"So you also love Chidi, and you... you just told him,"
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"just now, right before I did?"
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"Technically, you told him that he loves you, but yes."
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"This isn't ideal."
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"We must remain civil."
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"He's simply going to have to pick one of us,"
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"and the loser will just have to accept her fate"
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"with grace and equanimity."
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"Maybe if you lose."
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"If he doesn't pick me,"
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"I'ma start throwing stuff."
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"Classy as always."
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"I suppose you knew that Jianyu was a fake, didn't you?"
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"like two mangy rats sharing a pizza crust in a sewer..."
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"Okay... no."
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"We're not gonna do this."
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"We are not gonna be those women who fight over a guy"
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"and find any excuse to rip each other apart."
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"I am not going to apologize for being angry."
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"You knew that my soul mate was lying to me."
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"Yes, I did, and I'm very sorry."
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"forked-up friendship,"
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"but it's our friendship,"
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"Let's do something fun."
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"What would make you feel happy, right now?"
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"You have a fine home, Deirdre..."
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"I absolutely adore your shares."
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"I don't know bugger all about"
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"a shares... I been using this as a bloody toilet, I have."
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"What's this show called, again?"
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"It's "Deirdre and Margaret.""
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"It ran for 16 years on the BBC."
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"It's about two women from very different worlds"
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"who become friends, sort of like us."
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"Oh, Deirdre, no! That's priceless art!"
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"I thought it was fruit, innit?"
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"Deirdre."
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"Well, it's not a direct parallel."
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"Okay, we did your thing."
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"Are you ready to take our bonding to the next level?"
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"Oh, good, you're back."
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"Yeah, I, uh, I know we're short on time,"
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"but I need your help with a personal dilemma."
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"This is about"
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"Yes, which person is my soul mate?"
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"- Okay. - Of course,"
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"the system did screw up by letting Fake Eleanor in."
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"Fake Eleanor being selected accidentally"
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"and then you bonding with her"
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"could have shifted the formula."
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"Right, it's one of those two people."
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"so screwed up at this point that maybe you don't belong"
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"to either Eleanor."
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"Oh..."
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"- You is spreading... - What?"
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"Oh, Chidi, this could send us down a very dangerous path."
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"If you can't make a choice,"
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"Okay, getting close here."
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"Ah, same old Chidi."
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"I can come back for a fifth time."
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"Yeah, you know, maybe that's smart."
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"How are you? Uzo, it's been too long."
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"It has, it has. Look, as you know,"
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"Ellen and I are engaged. You're my oldest friend,"
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"and that's why I'd like you to not be my best man."
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"- Sorry? - Look, if you were my best man,"
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"you'd have to plan the bachelor party,"
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"It would drive you up the wall."
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"Well, Uzo, this isn't choosing soccer teams on a playground."
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"When something's important to me, I can make a decision."
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"Watch. Um, excuse me, excuse me."
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"I have decided I would like to"
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"unequivocally order the pumpkin soup."
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"Perfect."
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"You kind of want to change your order."
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"Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking."
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"- Excuse me, Risotto. Risotto? - Yeah."
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"As much as I'm enjoying this,"
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"shouldn't we be working on your case to try and stay here?"
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"Honestly, how am I gonna help them?"
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"They are much smarter than me. Now, hair extensions?"
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"You were already at almost-maximum hotness,"
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"but now you look like a sexy, tan Rapunzel."
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"And how exactly did you learn how to do this?"
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