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Clips from South Park - The Succubus (S03E03)

"- Chef, you have to dump the bitch. - Huh?"
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"We need you, Chef."
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"Hey, Chef-o! We're gonna run down to the office supply store"
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"You bet!"
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"Chef, this place isn't you!"
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"but after that, it starts to get old."
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"But we don't like her."
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"- Why not? - I don't know. No reason, I guess."
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"Children, friends get girlfriends all the time."
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"That's easy. Get some laser corrective surgery. That's what I did."
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"Now, how about I meet you boys after work, and we can play ball?"
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"- Okay! - Okay!"
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"- Dude, he bailed on us. - I can't believe it!"
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"why you didn't show up to play ball!"
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"Hello, children."
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"Ma'am, we're having a dude moment here, if you don't mind."
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"Children, I've got some great news for you."
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"Oh no. No, no, no."
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"and I want you boys to come, too!"
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"There's got to be a morning after"
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"If we can hold on to the night"
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"We have a chance to find the sunshine"
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"- Mr. Garrison, can we talk to you? - Sure."
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"Well, children, I am your teacher. I think you'll find that my advice"
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"Yeah, there's not much you can do about a succubus."
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"Wow, you are smart, Mr. Garrison."
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"- You're not fooling anyone. - Shut your hole, Mr. Hat."
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"Come on, guys. We gotta go tell Chef he's in love with a succubus."
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"There you are, Eric. Come on. We have to go to the eye doctor."
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"Come on, do you want your laser corrective surgery or not?"
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"Yes, but can't we wait till tomorrow?"
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"- Hello there, children. - Who are you?"
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"Hi. Is Chef here? We have to talk to him."
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"- Well, come on in. - There he is."
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"Not now, children."
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"I gotta get fitted for my britches. Be right back."
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"Well, aren't you crackers just cute as the dickens?"
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"He's so excited about the wedding!"
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"Say, would you crackers like to hear"
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"Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see,"
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"all alone at night, when all of a sudden, a huge creature,"
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"this giant crustacean from the Paleolithic era comes out of the water."
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"It stood above us looking down with its big red eyes."
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"Oh, it was so scary."
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"And I yelled... I said, "What do you want from us, monster?""
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"- What's "tree-fiddy"? - Three dollars and fifty cents."
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"- He wanted money? - That's right."
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"I said, "I ain't giving you no $3.50, you goddamn Loch Ness monster!"
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"- "Get your own goddamn money!" - I gave him a dollar."
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"I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar."
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"Well, of course he's not gonna go away, Nelle."
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"You give him a dollar he's gonna assume you got more!"
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"Okay, let's get started. You're here for the liposuction, right?"
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"- You son of a bitch! - All right, time to laser me a little piggy."
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"August. There's a knock on the door."
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"I open it, and there is this cute little Girl Scout."
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"And I said, "Well, what kind do you have?""
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""I need about $3.50.""
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"was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the Protozoic era."
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"I said, "Damn it, monster! Get off my lawn! I ain't giving you no $3.50!""
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"I said, "Oh, now it's only $2.50?"
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""What? Is there a sale on Loch Ness munchies or something?""
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"Not you, the monster. He was about to kick your ass."
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"Can you just tell Chef we were here?"
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"Sure. That crazy old monster. Then the fourth time..."
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"Cartman, what the hell are you doing?"
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"That asshole eye doctor screwed up my laser surgery."
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"What happened with Chef? Did you tell him she's a succubus?"
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"- Is that all right? - Okay."
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"Hello, boys. I heard Eric had laser surgery, so I made him a pie."
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"Yeah, you're a blood-thirsty succubus!"
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"Boys, you know how silly that sounds, don't you?"
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"Boys, come here. I want to explain this to you."
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"I know Chef is your friend, but Chef is a grown man."
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"He has needs you boys can't fulfill."
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"He wants a life with me because I make him happy."
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"Do you understand?"
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"- I guess. - Good."
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"Oh, and, boys, just one more thing."
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"Toodaloo!"
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"- Jesus, dude. - What? What happened?"
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"Tomorrow my son is going to get married to a beautiful lady."
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"I'm very happy for them both. Oh, there I go..."
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"I remember when Chef was just a three-year-old little man."
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"He came running up to me with a big smile"
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"and his little chef's hat on, and he said, "Papa! Papa!""
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"I said, "What do you need, Chef, my boy?""
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"And he said, "I need about $3.50.""
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"I said, "Chef, why do you need $3.50?""
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"He said, "My imaginary friend, Goo-Goo the Dinosaur, wants it.""
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"I went to my son's room, and sure enough,"
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"- there was the Loch Ness monster. - Oh, it was scary."
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""We work for our money in this house and we don't give money away.""
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"- What? - Yeah."
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"All right, guys, that's enough!"
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"I have had it with you! This is the happiest time of my life"
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"and you can't be happy for me."
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"- Chef, but... - No buts, Stan!"
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"I love this woman and I am marrying her!"
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"Now, if you'll excuse us, we're having a party."
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"I guess there's nothing we can do. Chef likes her more than us."
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"but nothing on how to stop them."
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"Screw him. Let him marry a succubus. I want to go to sleep."
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""The succubus enchants its victim with an eerie melody."
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""This is succubi power."
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""Only playing this melody backwards can vanquish the succubus power.""
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"There's got to be a morning after"
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"That's it. We've gotta learn that song backwards."
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"- Cartman? - He's asleep. Wake up, fat ass!"
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"- What, what, what? - Goddamn it, you can't fall asleep."
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"They was probing me and all that."
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"Don't matter what we had for dinner, woman."
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"I said, "What do you want from me, alien?""
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"- And do you know what he said? - "$3.50.""
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"Let me tell the damn story, now! He said, "$3.50.""
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"And so I realized that it wasn't no alien,"
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"it was that goddamn Loch Ness monster again, trying to trick me into giving him"
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"$3.50 by dressing up like an alien. Don't that just beat all?"
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"You keep giving it $3.50!"
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"There she is."
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