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Clips from Perfect Strangers - First Date (S01E01)

"Look, for safety's sake, we had better define eye contact."
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"And if she looks back, you know, you kind of hold the look."
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"That's eye contact."
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"Like that woman is looking at you?"
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"She must be looking at someone else."
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"After you've made eye contact..."
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"Something like, "Do you come here often?""
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""Didn't we meet in the Oval Office?" Things like that."
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"Can I try it? - Oh, oh..."
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"Okay."
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"I have made eye contact."
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"Oh, boy. - Can I try my opening line?"
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"All right, go ahead. Just don't tell her you know me."
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"Hello."
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"Do you come here often? - No."
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"Would you smother me with your beautiful American body?"
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"Old habits die hard. - Oh..."
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"Why don't you show me, Cousin Larry? You're the expert."
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"Look... Look, I just don't like these places."
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"And besides, I'm more of a kind of a talking expert than a, uh... Uh..."
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"I really don't wanna meet anyone."
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"Yes, she is."
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"Oh, my God, she is. - Go ahead and get her, you love devil."
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"All right. But this is a little faster than I usually like to operate."
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"I'm only doing this for you."
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"So... - Hey, pal, that's my girlfriend."
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"Balki, Balki."
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"Balki, Balki."
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"Sounds like you had fun too."
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"Hey, you disappeared pretty fast."
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"Did you get lucky?"
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"I'm lucky I wasn't killed."
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"Aren't you happy for me? - Yeah, why not?"
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"While you were inside meeting your fox-like American chick..."
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"...I was out in the parking lot..."
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"...learning that the human body can bounce off of concrete."
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"I have so much to learn."
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"Well, you can show me tomorrow night, because you're coming with me on my date."
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"We'll double the pleasure, double the fun."
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"Let me try to make something absolutely crystal clear for you."
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"I would rather spend the evening with Jabba the Hutt."
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"Well, call him up. We'll all party."
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"I'm sorry. I'm just nervous about my date."
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"She'll love you. I guarantee it. - Well, maybe you're right."
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"My underarms are safe, my scalp is not flaky..."
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"Well, other than gargling with Pledge, I think you're off to a good start."
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"Hi, guys. Oh, hi, Susan."
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"So, Balki, ready for your big date? - Well, let me see."
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"Larry."
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"Well, these are questions that came up."
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"Please, Cousin Larry, please come with me."
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"No. - Please."
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"She is going to love you."
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"He is doomed."
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"Larry, why don't you go with him? - Oh. Oh, no, no, no."
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"You're thinking, "Balki's my friend."
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"My roommate. A stranger from another country."
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"Like this:"
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"Larry... - Nice try."
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"Nice try, Susan, but it won't work."
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"Who knows when it started?"
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"We are talking about Balki."
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"The man who knows a thousand and one unfunny jokes about sheep."
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"The man who thinks Bo Derek is a fine little actress."
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"If you're gonna be embarrassed, don't go."
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"You don't have to tell me that tonight is going to be a disaster."
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"All right, I'll go. There. I hope you're happy."
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"It wouldn't be a car wreck without innocent bystanders."
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"I'm gonna go put on my face. - Sure, easy for you."
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"You get to wear a disguise."
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"She is so manipulative."
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"So, Diane, what do you do?"
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"That's why I'm so fascinated by Balki's homeland."
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"It is a fascinating place."
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"We have no sewers. And in the rainy season, it..."
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"L... I, uh... Ahem."
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"I come from Wisconsin."
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"That's nice."
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"Oh, you don't wanna do that."
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"This is the funniest joke in all of Mypos. - It's a small country."
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"These three sheepherders want to find out..."
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"...who has the most beautiful sheep in all of Mypos."
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"So they decide to bring each the prize animal to be judged by the others."
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"And so then the first one presents his sheep."
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"So big, so white, so fluffy, good gums. - Waiter, yo."
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"So the next one presents his sheep, even more beautiful."
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"And then the next one presents his sheep. But it's just a horrible-Iooking animal."
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"Skinny, dirty, wrinkled face."
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"And they say, "This has got to be the most ugly animal in the worid.""
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"...and the sheep says, "You think I'm ugly? Well, I'm not.""
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"And? - That's the punch line."
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"There's no punch line either. That didn't stop him."
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"Oh..."
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"Hey, you know, this sounds like a song from my country."
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"Oh, no, it doesn't."
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"Really? - Yes, it's called "The Dance of Joy.""
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"It's a lovely dance with lots of people. - Oh, look, they have takeout."
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"Well, can you show us the dance? - Oh, no. No dancing."
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"We'll stay here. Susan... - Oh, no, come on, Larry."
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"Waiter, check, please."
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"Some of these people went to college."
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"Dance. - Five, six, seven, eight."
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"Hey! Hey!"
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"Hey! Hey!"
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"Goodnight, Susan. - Goodnight. I had a great time."
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"I can't believe it."
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"My first American date. Diane says she'll even see me again."
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"Isn't life great?"
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"I made a fool out of myself. I am so embarrassed."
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"What? Why? We were having fun. - Fun?"
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"One threat of death and I was out there tapping my little feet off."
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"You did not make a spectacle of yourself. Not even a private one."
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"Of course I did."
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"Well, look, some people can sing and dance and get away with it."
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"People look at you."
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"But if everyone is singing and dancing, they don't point to one man and say:"
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""Look at that fellow singing and dancing.""
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"You know what I think?"
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"I think you won't admit it. But you really did have fun tonight."
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"Oh, no, I didn't. - Yes, you did."
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