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Clips from The Office - Stress Relief (S05E05)

"So you... "Heed." "Heed.""
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""Take heed of." "Take heed of.""
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"And I don't see my co-workers heeding this right now."
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"Wait, what?"
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"Dwight."
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"No, we are mad."
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"I am not a mind reader, David."
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"Look, this is a very serious offense."
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"We have cause to fire you."
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"MICHAEL: (WHISPERING) Can you shove down?"
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"Instead... Shove down, please."
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"Instead what I think we should do is"
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"strip you of your title as safety officer. No."
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"PETA."
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"Michael, you have to take responsibility here."
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"One of your employees had a heart attack."
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"Do you want that on your conscience?"
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"Do you?"
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"DAVID: Michael? Are you talking to me?"
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"DAVID: Yeah."
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"(CHUCKLES SMUGLY)"
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"Always amuses me when corporate thinks they can make some big change"
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"with a 20-minute meeting in some fancy high rise."
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"A mars life is in my hands."
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"I got it covered. Okay?"
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"I am planning a bomb scare that should really get the blood pumping."
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"That's not going to happen."
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"What? You? Yes."
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"Come on. I'm a smart guy."
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"That's preposterous. I'll figure it out. No. I will."
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"That's what a hospital's for."
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"An office is for not dying."
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"An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. To..."
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"(SHUSHING)"
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"Don't excite him. Don't make him excitable."
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"Thank you, Michael."
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"It's true, around this office in the past"
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"I have been a little abrupt with people."
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"Are you from another planet?"
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"Boy, have you lost your mind?"
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"Because I'll help you find it!"
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"Did I stutter?"
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"I'm done. Goodbye."
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"But the doctor said if I can't find a new way"
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"(IN BRITISH ACCENT) A throne for your highness."
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"You are going to sit in that wheelchair"
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"I'm going to die."
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"And that stands for "Airway, Breathing and Circulation.""
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"Okay. You know what? That could be a little confusing,"
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"because in sales ABC means "Always Be Closing.""
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"This is a farce. I should be teaching this course."
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"Shut it. Shut it."
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"We found ourselves on the less prepared side of things"
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"And I knew exactly what to do."
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"But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do."
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"So I thought we should have a CPR training class."
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"unless the instructor comes along with it."
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"Red Cross and their racket."
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"I can't keep doing this forever."
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"It's been 20 seconds."
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"Would you like to try next?"
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"Absolutely I would not."
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"You know who I really think should go?"
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"It's not a good idea, Michael. He needs to rest."
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"No rest for the sick."
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"to coddle your heart back when it disappears to be working."
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"What are you going to do if you're by yourself and your heart stops?"
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"I would die."
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"I'm okay with the logic of it."
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"Uh-uh. No, no, no. Come on. Get up. Let's do this."
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"I would quit, but I'm too old to find another job."
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"You're losing you! Do it!"
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"Michael. MICHAEL: This is you we're talking about."
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"Michael."
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"Okay, okay, I'll show them. Here we go."
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"Are they breathing?"
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"No, Rose. They are not breathing."
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"And they have no arms or legs."
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"No, that's not part of it."
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"Where are they?"
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"with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them?"
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"I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?"
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"How about no arms?"
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"No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin."
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"Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of 100 beats per minute."
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"Okay. That's hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?"
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"I will divide and then count to it. Right."
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"Okay, well, a good trick"
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"is to pump to the tune of Staying Alive by the Bee Gees."
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"(SINGING) First I was afraid, I was petrified"
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"(VOCALIZING)"
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"(SINGING) Stayir alive, stayir alive"
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"Okay. That's enough. You were in the parking lot earlier."
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"(VOCALIZING)"
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"(SINGING) Stayir alive, stayir alive"
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"(BOTH VOCALIZING)"
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"Stayir alive, stayir alive Stayir alive, stayir alive"
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"Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk"
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"I'm a womars man, no time to talk"
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"ROSE: Okay! Okay!"
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"(VOCALIZING)"
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"Yeah. Okay, you didn't maintain a hundred beats per minute."
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"And the ambulance didn't arrive because nobody called 911."
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"Okay, he's dead. Anyone know what we do next?"
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"Anybody? Rose?"
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"I have no idea. Anyone else?"
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"We bury him. Wrong! Check for an organ donor card."
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"He is an organ donor. He is?"
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"ANGELA: Oh, my God! KELLY: Dwight!"
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"Dwight!"
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"(DWIGHT SCREAMING) KELLY: Dwight, what are you..."
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"We search for the organs. Where's the heart? The precious heart."
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"I'm not feeling well. I need to sit down."
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"Stanley."
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"(DWIGHT MAKING LICKING SOUNDS) Oh, my God!"
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"STANLEY: Oh, my God!"
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"Dwight! Clarice."
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"STANLEY: Oh, my God."
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"I didn't think it was very realistic in the movie,"
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"We had to pay for it. It cost us $3,500."
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