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Clips from The Office - Stress Relief (S05E05)

"Michael, are you serious? Do you really want us to roast you?"
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"It's not offensive during a roast. Anything goes."
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"I think they're very excited about paying their respects this way."
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"I've got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this."
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"This meeting is mandatory,"
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"(CLAPPING)"
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"(WHOOPING)"
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"If you ever called the fire department"
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"(CLAPPING)"
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"Hey, hey."
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"(HITS DRUMS)"
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"You posted a picture of my bare boobs on the bulletin board"
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"Michael, you are the reason I drink."
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"Do you? No."
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"Okay, because the quote was,"
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"No, stop it."
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"you're supposed to do it, idiot. You're interrupting me."
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"That man is Michael Scott."
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"He never does any work himself, ever."
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"Mike claims we're all a family."
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"You know what... We are. We are a family."
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"I don't believe I've had the pleasure."
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"Nope. His name is Michael."
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"That's what I hate about you"
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"That's what I hate about you"
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"And now a man who deserves no introduction, Michael Scott."
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"Really, really went after my intelligence there."
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"(CLEARS THRO AT)"
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"I'm sorry, Michael's not here right now."
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"Great. I will. Thanks."
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"It's very unusual for Michael not to show up to work."
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"My guess, he's either deeply depressed"
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"And I always say, "Michael, take two steps back"
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""and stare at the icicle from the side.""
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""from standing directly underneath them.""
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"I think he meant personal day."
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"(CAWING)"
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"I'm okay."
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"Phyllis, there's a package for you."
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"Oh."
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"It's not that you dumped my granddaughter,"
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"Please, move back to my apartment."
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"Lily, I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up."
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"(SOBBING)"
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"(CELL PHONE RINGS)"
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"Okay. Yeah, I'll see you then."
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"He said that you told him how much you love me,"
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"Yeah."
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"that sometimes love affairs look different to the people inside them."
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"I'm not insightful enough to be a movie critic."
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"What? Well, I wrote them down"
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"Angela, where's Angela?"
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"Well, there you are."
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"Oscar, you're gay."
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"Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck and you're gayer than Oscar."
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"Boom. Roasted."
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"(LAUGHS)"
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"You know I kid."
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"You guys are the reason that I went into the paper business."
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"And get home safe."
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"Yeah."
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"They say that laughter is the best medicine,"
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"You are cured."
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"(CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY)"
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"PowerPoint is boring."
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"but experience is the best teacher."
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"Does anyone smell anything smoky?"
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"Did you bring your jerky in again?"
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"Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"
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"Fire!"
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"Oh, fire! Oh, my goodness. What's the procedure?"
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"DWIGHT: What do we do, people? The phones are dead."
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"It's out in the hall."
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"No. We don't know that."
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"The smoke could be coming through an air duct."
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"Oh, my God! Okay, it's happening."
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"DWIGHT: What's the procedure, everyone?"
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"What's the procedure? Stay... calm!"
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"Everybody just... calm down!"
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"No, no, Michael, no! Touch the handle."
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"If it's hot there could be a fire in the hallway!"
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"What does warm mean? Oh, my gosh. Try a different door."
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"(ALL CLAMORING) Not a viable option. What next?"
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"MICHAEL: Don't run! JIM: Try the other door."
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"Well, another option. Another option."
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"Jeez! Okay, settle down, everyone!"
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"PHYLLIS: I forgot my purse!"
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"MICHAEL: Get out of the way! Go, go, go, go, go!"
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"Things can be replaced, Phyllis!"
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"This one's hot, too."
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"DWIGHT: Have you ever seen a burn victim?"
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"DWIGHT: Use a what to cover the mouth? (SHUSHING) It's okay."
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"A what? A rag, a damp rag perhaps."
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"Let's remember those procedures. What are the options?"
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"We've already tried that. Remember your exit points."
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"DWIGHT: What's next, huh? Oscar!"
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"Pull me up!"
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"You're too heavy."
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"Save Bandit!"
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"What do we do?"
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"Use the surge of fear and adrenaline"
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"to sharpen your decision making."
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"ANGELA: What is that? What is that?"
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"This has been a test of our emergency preparedness."
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"There's no fire. It was only a simulation."
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"Oh, come on. It's not real, Stanley."
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"KEVIN: Oh, my God."
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"No, no, no, no, you will not die!"
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"Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley!"
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"Stanley! Barack is President!"
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"He just swallowed his tongue."
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"Michael! Michael! Open your mouth. Don't swallow it!"
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"I'm fine! Leave me... I'm saving him!"
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"Electricity. Shampoo."
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"I just want to say, for the record, I did not kill anyone."
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"Stanley was attacked by his own heart."
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"Yes, I shouted "fire." I shouted many things."
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"So you can imagine my frustration, as safety officer,"
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"When no one headed... "Take headed of.""
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"No one would take headed of my instructions."
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