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Clips from BoJack Horseman - Live Fast, Diane Nguyen (S01E01)

"No, this is your conscience."
BoJack Horseman
"Are you trying to cut me out of this David Boreanaz deal?"
BoJack Horseman
"I'm your agent, damn it."
BoJack Horseman
"How'd you find out about Boreanaz House?"
BoJack Horseman
"Don't worry, I'm not just gonna sit here"
BoJack Horseman
"batting a ball of yarn around while you do the real work."
BoJack Horseman
"We need to go bigger."
BoJack Horseman
"Have you thought about attaching Mila Kunis to this thing?"
BoJack Horseman
"Who is this?"
BoJack Horseman
"Diaaaaane!"
BoJack Horseman
"You have no right to barge in here after five years"
BoJack Horseman
"instead of sitting on the couch watching the game all day."
BoJack Horseman
"- Ah, Deedee. - You know very well his leg's still sore"
BoJack Horseman
"from the accident at the quarry."
BoJack Horseman
"Ah, what's the point of getting off the couch anyway?"
BoJack Horseman
"What do you... We're immigrants."
BoJack Horseman
"And that's the same crap you always pull..."
BoJack Horseman
"Excuse me. Yes, hello, I'm looking for Diane."
BoJack Horseman
"Boreanaz house."
BoJack Horseman
"hands and belongings on your person at all times."
BoJack Horseman
"Next we'll head to the kitchen where... Is that Mila Kunis?"
BoJack Horseman
"Ooh!"
BoJack Horseman
"Yeah, do you pick up bodies?"
BoJack Horseman
"Is that a service you provide? Corpse removal?"
BoJack Horseman
"Well, one time at Bristol Farms,"
BoJack Horseman
"Ben Affleck and I did reach for the same bunch of grapes."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, he eats grapes just like us? Hey, Ma, Ben Affleck eats grapes!"
BoJack Horseman
"- This is the greatest day of my life. - Oh!"
BoJack Horseman
"interest in maybe playing some touch football later?"
BoJack Horseman
"Are you kidding? Touch football with a star like you?"
BoJack Horseman
"Ooh, you know what else we got to do?"
BoJack Horseman
"we made up a secret pen pal for her named Leo."
BoJack Horseman
"pretending to be this sensitive boy from Cambridge."
BoJack Horseman
"It was wicked messed up."
BoJack Horseman
""Oh, Diane, we're two misunderstood souls."
BoJack Horseman
"we hired a homeless guy to pretend to be Leo"
BoJack Horseman
"and take her to the homecoming dance."
BoJack Horseman
"- Look at her. - Watch, watch this part."
BoJack Horseman
"I like your boutonnière."
BoJack Horseman
"Why don't we watch this every day?"
BoJack Horseman
"- I was humiliated. - Yeah, you wouldn't get it."
BoJack Horseman
"Whoo! That's Cryane for you. What a pussy."
BoJack Horseman
"You know, it's nice that years later we can all laugh about this."
BoJack Horseman
"Yep, my therapist thinks the same thing."
BoJack Horseman
"I'm gonna go meet with the funeral director."
BoJack Horseman
"Any of you boys want to come?"
BoJack Horseman
"Nah, I ain't so big on funeral homes, Deedee."
BoJack Horseman
"All them dead bodies, they give me the jeebies."
BoJack Horseman
"Yeah, Deedee, why do we got to go?"
BoJack Horseman
"Fine, none of you have to go. I'll take care of everything."
BoJack Horseman
"Thank you, Diane. We all really appreciate it."
BoJack Horseman
"- Funeral! - Yeah!"
BoJack Horseman
"Whoo-hoo!"
BoJack Horseman
"Funeral!"
BoJack Horseman
"And now, a very special treat just for our platinum members."
BoJack Horseman
"Let's take a peek at the slumbering Mr. Boreanaz himself."
BoJack Horseman
"Get out of my room, Todd! I'm David Boreanaz."
BoJack Horseman
"Well, he was a mean, sadistic alcoholic, who never supported"
BoJack Horseman
"anything I did and actively delighted in seeing me fail."
BoJack Horseman
"Hmm, I see. Sounds like you're looking for"
BoJack Horseman
"our Piece of Shit Dad Package."
BoJack Horseman
"You might want to loosen up a little."
BoJack Horseman
"I think you could actually learn a thing or two"
BoJack Horseman
"- from your brothers. - Are you kidding?"
BoJack Horseman
"I keep getting calls from this unlisted number."
BoJack Horseman
"Why don't you just answer, and then you'll know?"
BoJack Horseman
"Ugh, how are we supposed to blackmail him if we can't reach him?"
BoJack Horseman
"Is that David Boreanaz?"
BoJack Horseman
"You want to stop and chat, you gotta pay for the extended stay ticket."
BoJack Horseman
"Another five Gs, T-Bag, and we are in the pink."
BoJack Horseman
"I don't know, Princess Carolyn."
BoJack Horseman
"I ran out of shoeboxes for the money, and the books aren't adding up."
BoJack Horseman
"Plus the men's lav needs to be serviced, and I had to"
BoJack Horseman
"fire Janine in the gift shop for stealing Boreabble heads."
BoJack Horseman
"Hey, I'm not screwing around here, small fry."
BoJack Horseman
"banks we've been using are 100% legal."
BoJack Horseman
"Now we're both breaking the rules."
BoJack Horseman
"a certain lifestyle since Boreanaz House went public,"
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, I'm in too deep. I don't know what to do."
BoJack Horseman
"Is that what David Boreanaz sounds like?"
BoJack Horseman
"just keep doing what you're doing, and you'll be fine."
BoJack Horseman
"Wow, thanks, Davie B."
BoJack Horseman
"- Unbelievable. - It's 4:00. I don't think anyone's coming."
BoJack Horseman
"Unbe-goddamn-lievable!"
BoJack Horseman
"Beg your pardon, minor hiccup."
BoJack Horseman
"My goons went to pick your father up, but nobody was home."
BoJack Horseman
"For a nominal fee, we can scrounge up another body for you."
BoJack Horseman
"Hey, assholes! Where were you?"
BoJack Horseman
"I planned the whole funeral, like you asked me to,"
BoJack Horseman
"have wanted some stuffy funeral."
BoJack Horseman
"He would've wanted his body to be chopped up into chum"
BoJack Horseman
"Wait, what? Where is Dad?"
BoJack Horseman
"We got him chummed. He's in the truck."
BoJack Horseman
"- You chummed Dad? - It's what your father wanted, honey,"
BoJack Horseman
"but then you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
BoJack Horseman
"Let me get this straight. So instead of coming to the funeral"
BoJack Horseman
"that I paid for and spent all day organizing,"
BoJack Horseman
"you had Dad's body ground into chum,"
BoJack Horseman
"so you could throw his mushy remains on Derek Jeter?"
BoJack Horseman
"- Yeah, his fat face. - In his fat face."
BoJack Horseman
"The Yankees are in town this week."
BoJack Horseman
"Tommy, you begged me to stay and help."
BoJack Horseman
"Why does everything always got to be about big-shot Diane?"
BoJack Horseman
"Yeah, guys, you got it all wrong."
BoJack Horseman
"Diane isn't a big-shot. She's my ghostwriter."
BoJack Horseman
"She's not too good for anything."
BoJack Horseman
"- Even I pay rent. - BoJack helping?"
BoJack Horseman
"Diane, you are making a public spectacle of yourself."
BoJack Horseman
"Deedee, what are you doing with Dad's keys?"
BoJack Horseman
"Well, that crazy clam did it. She took Pops."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, no, what are we gonna do?"
BoJack Horseman
"Easy out at first. So what we're gonna do is nothing?"
BoJack Horseman
"in high school, too. Who knows where crazy goes?"
BoJack Horseman
"Wait, you can't leave. The party's just getting started."
BoJack Horseman
"- I... Really? - Yeah, don't leave, bro."
BoJack Horseman
"After this, we'll go play touch football and do a noogie parade."
BoJack Horseman
"Everyone please disperse."
BoJack Horseman
"This is an unlawful gathering. Disperse immediately."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, this isn't looking good, Princess Carolyn."
BoJack Horseman
"Ha!"
BoJack Horseman
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