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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Santa Simulation (S06E06)

"she would break the bottle and cut me."
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"In college, I passed out at a frat party"
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"Sometimes I get so lonely,"
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"I sit on my left hand until it goes numb,"
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"then I put it in my right hand and pretend"
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"I do that, too."
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"Sometimes the left hand tries to cop a feel."
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"And I let it."
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"It's kind of nice to talk to someone"
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"It is, isn't it?"
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"But you're not alone anymore. Now you've got Sheldon."
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"And don't worry, someday you'll have somebody, too."
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"He wants me, I'm good. We can go now."
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"Now that I know she doesn't like me,"
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"I think I cracked the code to lower the drawbridge."
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"(bell rings three times)"
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"My carpal tunnel's acting up."
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"and find yourself in a small dungeon room."
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"And in the corner, chained to the wall,"
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"you see a bloodied and beaten Santa Claus."
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"He says, "Ho, ho, help me.""
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"Yes, we found Santa!"
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"Christmas is saved!"
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"Don't ever tell my mother I said that."
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"and run to Santa to unchain him."
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"You can't talk; you're paralyzed."
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"I get right up in Santa's big, fat face and say..."
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"Well, well, well,"
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"jolly old Saint Nick, we meet again."
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"Yeah, I believe the last time we spoke"
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"was in the Baybrook Mall in Galveston, Texas,"
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"when I was five years old, isn't that right?"
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"Uh, okay."
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"My mother dragged me there"
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"and she plopped me down on your lap"
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"And I told you "my Pop-Pop,""
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"because that was the year my grandfather died."
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"I missed him and I wanted him back."
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"This is weird, right?"
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"Pop-Pop was the only one in my family"
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"who encouraged me to pursue science."
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"But you didn't bring him back, did you?"
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"Instead, I got Lincoln Logs."
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"Well, you can build a lot of neat things out of Lincoln Logs,"
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"And now you're here asking me for something--"
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"to save you."
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"Well, sorry, Mr. Kringle, but today's not your day."
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"I'm leaving you here to rot,"
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"and I hope the ogres feast on your bones."
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"and on the way out, I give Santa"
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"a swift kick in his bowl full of jelly!"
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"Okay."
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"Santa?"
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"Oh, hello, Sheldon."
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"Well, then, you shouldn't have jingle bells on your boots."
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"Oh..."
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"I'm sorry I disappointed you when you were a little boy."
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"I-I can do a lot of magical things,"
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"but unfortunately bringing your Pop-Pop back isn't one of them."
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"I understand."
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"But I-I do have something special for you."
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"Two trains?"
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"Better."
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"I'm getting three trains."
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"This is for leaving me in the dungeon"
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"to be eaten alive by ogres!"
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"Wait, uh, uh, hang on."
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"I-In my defense..."
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"♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪"
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"Who uses one sock?"
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"It's actually, "Ho, ho, ho,""
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"of broken candy canes in the snow."
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"Wait, doesn't anyone have a roof resurrection?"
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"but I thought you'd like to see what you're missing out on."
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"So, what's the plan?"
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"than the chance to spoil a lady."
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"she's going to die of gout."
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"Yeah, you're a real catch."
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"I don't remember you buying these miniatures in my store."
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"I wasn't going to say anything so juvenile."
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"♪ Though the frost was cru-el ♪"
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"That is some low-hanging fruit."
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"means I can pull off mustard yellow"
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"She was too beautiful for me."
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"The two of them?"
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"and I thought she was into me, too,"
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"(playing "Jingle Bells")"
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"(playing "Jingle Bells")"
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"Oh, it's better than a train."
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"Okay, open 'em."
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"I should've mentioned this earlier."
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"And I, myself..."
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"Let's get him laid!"
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"I take the skeleton key, and I toss it into the chasm,"
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"Geez, who's Forever 63 now?"
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"See you, boys. We are going drinking."
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"They'll be all, "Bernadette ruined everything."
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"Hey, guys."
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"I make it a rule to only fall for"
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"but Pop-Pop ain't one of 'em."
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"♪ Bang! ♪"
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"I hope she's half as lovely and amazing as you are."
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"And, Howard, do not say,"
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"in a way most guys can't."
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"I do it all the time."
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"All right, Sheldon, to start our quest,"
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"Thank you."
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"No, not really."
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"♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪"
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"She's the worst.""
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"Mixing Dungeons and Dragons with Christmas is"
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"How did you know that? It was simple."
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"I guess the heart wants what the heart wants."
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"Dungeons and Dragons night with the guys."
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"...three, two..."
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"I understand."
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"(door closes)"
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"It wasn't amazing."
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"So, listen, I know we talked about getting a bite to eat"
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"♪ That all started with a big bang ♪"
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