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Clips from Friends - The One with the Candy Hearts (S01E01)

"- Hey, Ross. - Hey."
Friends
"[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]"
Friends
"Excuse me. Could we get an egg over here, still in the shell?"
Friends
"- Think it'll work? - It's suicide. The man's got an egg."
Friends
"Roger wants to take her out."
Friends
"Actually, tomorrow night depends on how tonight goes."
Friends
"- Oh. Uh, listen, about tonight... - No, no, don't you dare bail on me."
Friends
"Hey, it's Janice."
Friends
"- Which one was he? - Pete the Weeper?"
Friends
"I don't know. I think we're like some kind of magnets."
Friends
"...you can do a cleansing ritual."
Friends
"Pheebs, this woman is voluntarily bald."
Friends
"It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect."
Friends
"RACHEL: I've got stuff to burn."
Friends
"By the way, Chandler, I cut you out of all of my pictures."
Friends
"- So... - Just us."
Friends
"[LAUGHS]"
Friends
"You got it. Good woman."
Friends
"...because of the whole seven-dog- years-to-one-human-year thing..."
Friends
"...we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place."
Friends
"I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's."
Friends
"KRISTEN: So I'm spending most of my time teaching science, heh..."
Friends
"Hey, do you think...?"
Friends
"Oh, no. I'm fine."
Friends
"And, uh, Kristen..."
Friends
"Look, there's no way for me to tell you this."
Friends
"At least, there's no new way for me to tell you this."
Friends
"Because I know that this isn't the end."
Friends
"You love me, Chandler Bing."
Friends
"You can't live without me."
Friends
"You did so. I swear. I swear to..."
Friends
"Mushroom."
Friends
"No, no, I know what you're gonna say. You're a lesbian."
Friends
"But what do you say we just put that aside for now, you know?"
Friends
"I'm telling you, Ross, she wants you."
Friends
"She barely knows me. We just live in the same building."
Friends
"- Any contact? - She lent me an egg once."
Friends
"You're in."
Friends
"Oh, right."
Friends
"Come on, Ross. You gotta get back in the game here."
Friends
"The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife's a lesbian, you..."
Friends
"I don't think we need a third."
Friends
"An egg?"
Friends
"Yeah. Go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back. I'm returning your egg.""
Friends
"I think it's winning."
Friends
"- I think it's insane. - She'll love it."
Friends
"- Thank you. - Thank you. Here."
Friends
"[STUTTERS]"
Friends
"Go with the egg, my friend."
Friends
"JOEY & CHANDLER: Go, go, go."
Friends
"MONICA: You cannot do this. RACHEL: What? Do what?"
Friends
"No. Pheebs. Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?"
Friends
"Because he was creepy."
Friends
"And mean. And a little frightening."
Friends
"Still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day."
Friends
"- Hi. - Hi."
Friends
"You can go out with a creep any night of the year."
Friends
"I know I do."
Friends
"- Hi. - Hi."
Friends
"What are you doing tomorrow night?"
Friends
"She's only going out with me because I'm bringing a friend for her friend."
Friends
"But her friend sounds like such a..."
Friends
"Pathetic mess. I know, but..."
Friends
"Come on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinking:"
Friends
"[MIMICS CASH REGISTER]"
Friends
"Thanks."
Friends
"You haven't been out with a woman since Janice. You're doing this."
Friends
"- Hi. - Hi."
Friends
"- She said yes. - Ahem."
Friends
"Yes! Way to go, man."
Friends
"[EGG CRACKS]"
Friends
"CHANDLER: Still got the egg, huh? - Yeah."
Friends
"- How do I look? - Oh, um..."
Friends
"...I don't care."
Friends
"There's Lorraine."
Friends
"Now, remember, no trading."
Friends
"You get the pretty one. I get the mess."
Friends
"- Hi, Joey. - Hey."
Friends
"Well, well."
Friends
"Look what you brought."
Friends
"Very nice."
Friends
"And what did you bring?"
Friends
"She's checking her coat."
Friends
"Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off of my hands."
Friends
"Will you get me a white zinfandel and a glass of red for Janice?"
Friends
"Janice?"
Friends
"Oh..."
Friends
"...my..."
Friends
"...God."
Friends
"Okay, I'm making a break for it. I'm going out the window."
Friends
"No, don't, please. I've been waiting for forever to go out with Lorraine."
Friends
"- Just calm down. - Calm down? Calm down?"
Friends
"You set me up with a woman I've dumped twice in the last five months."
Friends
"Hey."
Friends
"Can you stop yelling? You're making me nervous..."
Friends
"...and I can't go when I'm nervous."
Friends
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right."
Friends
"Come on! Do it, do it, do it! Come on!"
Friends
"Okay, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney."
Friends
"Remember the guy that used to cry every time we had sex?"
Friends
"[MIMICS SOBBING] "Oh, was it good for you?""
Friends
"Well, I'd take a little crying any day over Howard, the "I win" guy."
Friends
"I win. I win."
Friends
"I went out with him for two months. I didn't get to win once."
Friends
"How do we end up with these jerks? We're good people."
Friends
"I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch."
Friends
"There's more beer, right?"
Friends
"Oh. You know my friend Abby who shaves her head?"
Friends
"She says to break the bad-boyfriend cycle..."
Friends
"Yeah."
Friends
"So we can do it tomorrow night, you guys."
Friends
"Okay, well, what kind of ritual?"
Friends
"Okay, we can, um, burn the stuff they gave us."
Friends
"Or?"
Friends
"Or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks."
Friends
"- Burning's good. - Burning's good."
Friends
"You know..."
Friends
"...ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes."
Friends
"Yeah? Good for you."
Friends
"Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?"
Friends
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