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Clips from The Simpsons - Homer's Night Out (S01E01)

"- Anybody home? - Hi, Daddy."
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"Welcome back, Dad."
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"- How's your mom? - Still kind of ticked off."
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"Yeah. Good luck, man."
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"Oh, thanks, boy."
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"Hello, Marge."
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"It's me, Homer."
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"Are you still mad?"
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"You are still mad. Don't need to say it."
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"I'm your loving husband. I can read you like a book."
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"I'll just have some milk."
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"Look, I'm not drinking out of the carton."
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"Come on, Marge! Please forgive me."
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"Homer, you don't even know why you're apologizing."
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"my clothes are smelly, and I'm tired."
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"I've been thinking, Homer,"
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"and you know what bothers me the most about this whole thing?"
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"You taught Bart a very bad lesson."
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"Your boy idolizes you."
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"- Oh, he does not. - Yes, he does, Homer."
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"And when he sees you treating women as objects,"
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"he's going to think that it's okay."
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"You owe your son better than that, Homer."
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"So what should I do, Marge?"
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"Well, I think you should take Bart..."
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"to meet this exotic belly-person."
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"I want him to see that she's a real human being..."
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"with real thoughts and real feelings."
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"I want Bart to see you apologize for the way you treated her."
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"Do it!"
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"Princess Kashmir? You must mean April Flower."
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"She's working over at the Girlesque."
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"See, I'm tying to teach my son here about treating women as objects."
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"Uh, but April's over at Foxy Boxing tonight."
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"Just let me say that it is an honor..."
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"to have Springfield's number-one swinger here with us to--"
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"We're gonna try one more place, the Sapphire Lounge."
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"...he really loves me--"
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"There she is. Hey, Princess, it's me, the guy from the snapshot."
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"Can I get just a little cooperation? It's show time."
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"I'm here because I want to apologize for treating you like an object."
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"- Uh-huh. - I also want my boy..."
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"to find out that you're more than just a belly."
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"I want him to meet the woman behind all the spangles and glitter..."
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"and find out that she has thoughts and feelings too."
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"- Oh, well, okay. But can we make it quick? - Nice to meet you, ma'am."
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"Could you tell him a little about yourself?"
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"- Well, uh, my real name is Shawna Tifton. - Uh-huh."
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"- My pet peeve is rude people. - Uh-huh."
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"- And my turn-ons include silk sheets... - Uh-huh."
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"- and a warm fireplace. - Thank you very much, ma'am."
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"We'll be on our--"
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"- I've heard them say so often"
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"They can love their wives ooh"
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"But I think that's just foolish"
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"Men must have hearts"
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"Made of stone"
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"Now my heart is made"
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"- Cool, man. - Of softer stuff"
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"Get out of my cage."
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"- My boss will freak out. - Oh, no."
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"- A pretty girl can't look my way without -Don't. Don't!"
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"- Don't. No. - Get out. Get out of here."
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"I could love a Chinese girl an Eskimo or--"
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"Get off of my stage, fat boy."
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"I didn't recognize you at first."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, it's an honor..."
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"to have a real swinging cat with us tonight."
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"Homer Simpson, party guy."
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"Mr. Maestro."
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"Oh I could love a million girls"
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"Yeah I could love a Chinese girl"
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"An Eskimo or Finn"
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"I could dig a Deutschland chick a girl with golden curls"
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"In fact I think that we could love"
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"About a million girls"
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"Ooh. Look out."
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"- How does he do it, Smithers? - He's a love machine, sir."
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"Da, da, da"
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"Way to go, Dad."
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"Quiet, please. I have something to say. Quiet."
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"You with the hair, down in front."
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"Oh, no. He's sunk even lower."
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"I have something to say to all the sons out there."
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"To all the boys, to all the men, to all of us."
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"It's about women,"
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"No, they are our wives,"
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"they are our daughters, our sisters,"
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"our grandmas, our aunts, our nieces and nephews."
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"Well, not our nephews."
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"They are our mothers."
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"I would rather feel the sweet breath of my beautiful wife..."
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"on the back of my neck as I sleep..."
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"than to stuff dollar bills into some stranger's G-string."
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"Am I wrong? Or am I right?"
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"My wife gets the cutest little thing, right here, when she smiles."
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"- This is my Suzie. - Oh, she's so cute."
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"You know, my mom sounded a little down the other day."
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"I'd better give her a call."
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"All right, folks. Show's over. No more to see, folks."
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"The frosting on the cake was this thick."
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"And Eugene Fisk-- my poor sucker of an assistant--"
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"Aw, baloney. Yeah, right."
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"Oh, no!"
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"Lady, where's my spy camera?"
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"Aw, Mom. Can't we just grab a burger at--"
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"- squid platter, - Ew."
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"- Okay? - Hey, shut up."
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"Reverend Lovejoy, your wife confiscated this..."
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"- What, this one? - D'oh!"
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"Oh. Oh, hi."
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"Places, ladies, places."
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"Oh I could love a million girls"
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"Yeah."
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"that mattered most to him in the whole world."
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"Eh, eh, eh, eh."
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"Hey, Bart. How come Milhouse gets a copy of your girlie picture and I don't?"
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"No, Barn. I just want to crawl into bed."
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"What is the meaning of this?"
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