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Clips from Please Like Me - Rhubarb and Custard (S01E01)

"- Of course she owns a fucking turtle. - Owned."
Please Like Me
"Hi."
Please Like Me
"Oh! Josh, this is Geoffrey."
Please Like Me
"- Hi. - Geoffrey just started."
Please Like Me
"- Think you might be in my chair. - Oh, shit. Sorry."
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"- Are... - (SNIFFLES)"
Please Like Me
"Are you ok?"
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"Yeah, sorry. I didn't want to..."
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"No, I don't want to put this on you, man."
Please Like Me
"(PHONE RINGS)"
Please Like Me
"It's Niamh. I have to get it."
Please Like Me
"Sorry."
Please Like Me
"Hey, sweetheart."
Please Like Me
"They kicked you out?"
Please Like Me
"What did you do?"
Please Like Me
"My dad got arrested again."
Please Like Me
"Oh."
Please Like Me
"Oh, no."
Please Like Me
"- Should we... we should not mention it. - Not mention it."
Please Like Me
"Ok."
Please Like Me
"Does sound pretty racist."
Please Like Me
"Tom keeps lollies in here. Do you like lollies? It's kind of..."
Please Like Me
"Honestly, it's the best I've got to offer. Pop Rocks?"
Please Like Me
"TOM: No, you can't. Josh just broke up with Claire."
Please Like Me
"TOM: No."
Please Like Me
"Fine."
Please Like Me
"Niamh's coming over for dinner."
Please Like Me
"What? No."
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"Tom, you said you were gonna break up with her."
Please Like Me
"They kicked her out of her poetry group."
Please Like Me
"She got kicked out of her poetry group?"
Please Like Me
"- She's upset. - Tom, no, that's no excuse."
Please Like Me
"You have to do this. You can do this. Come on."
Please Like Me
"Are you eating my Pop Rocks?"
Please Like Me
"No."
Please Like Me
"Can I come to dinner?"
Please Like Me
"- Do you know what I think about a lot? - What?"
Please Like Me
"The time you were telling me when you were a kid"
Please Like Me
"and his mum told you that if you do that,"
Please Like Me
"then a magpie might mistake your penis for a worm and eat it."
Please Like Me
"- You think about that a lot? - I just..."
Please Like Me
"I just think it's a funny image."
Please Like Me
"A tiny version of you terrified that a..."
Please Like Me
"... magpie might swoop down and eat your penis."
Please Like Me
"- Nobody... - I had a pet magpie for a while."
Please Like Me
"He used to come to the back door every morning."
Please Like Me
"We'd give him our leftovers."
Please Like Me
"Did it ever try and eat your penis?"
Please Like Me
"- No. - (BOTH LAUGH)"
Please Like Me
"(BARKS)"
Please Like Me
"Hey! Hey, guys."
Please Like Me
"JOSH: Hey, Niamh. This is Geoffrey."
Please Like Me
"- Hey! - Hi... hi, Niamh."
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"- Yes. - What happened?"
Please Like Me
"Um... she said we'd drifted."
Please Like Me
"- Really? You never... - How'd you let it drift?"
Please Like Me
"Well, I don't know, Niamh."
Please Like Me
"You see, that's the nature of drifting, is that it happens slowly, over time,"
Please Like Me
"How did you get kicked out of your poetry group?"
Please Like Me
"- You think this is funny, don't you? - No."
Please Like Me
"and you're here having a dinner party."
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"I don't think she's crying, ok. She broke up with me."
Please Like Me
"It was a surprise. I didn't know."
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"If I'd known, maybe I would have planned a more mournful evening."
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"- I'm sorry. - Well, isn't that just charming?"
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"- Niamh, can you just... - Oh!"
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"Oh, what the fuck?"
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"- I don't even know who the fuck you are. - I'm Geoffrey, Tom's friend."
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"I'm so nice to you guys and you're all just such fucking bitches to me."
Please Like Me
"Oh, God."
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"Can we just take this into another room?"
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"(DOOR CLOSES)"
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"NIAMH: Oh! Oh!"
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"Oh! Yes!"
Please Like Me
"Oh! Oh!"
Please Like Me
"(CONTINUES MOANING)"
Please Like Me
"I just, uh..."
Please Like Me
"I just can't imagine that... they're having that much fun, you know?"
Please Like Me
"Uh, I'm studying a bachelor of creative industries."
Please Like Me
"- Really? - Yeah."
Please Like Me
"- That's really interesting. - N... no."
Please Like Me
"Oh, cool."
Please Like Me
"Yeah, I, um... I haven't told Tom."
Please Like Me
"Oh. Why?"
Please Like Me
"I don't think anybody thinks that anyone is... hitting on Tom."
Please Like Me
"We don't really have anywhere."
Please Like Me
"(DOOR CREAKS)"
Please Like Me
"(DOOR CREAKS REPEATEDLY)"
Please Like Me
"Lights."
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"Is this ok?"
Please Like Me
"(NERVOUSLY) Yeah. Yep."
Please Like Me
"Mmm. Mmm. Do you... do you taste blood?"
Please Like Me
"What?"
Please Like Me
"Oh, the... the little mole on your lip, it's bleeding."
Please Like Me
"I... I cut myself shaving."
Please Like Me
"W... what... what are we meant to do now?"
Please Like Me
"I don't know."
Please Like Me
"Do we just wait for me to stop bleeding?"
Please Like Me
"I might go to sleep."
Please Like Me
"We'll... try again in the morning?"
Please Like Me
"Ok."
Please Like Me
"Do you, uh... do you prefer big spoon or little spoon?"
Please Like Me
"Surely, they'd be the same-sized spoons."
Please Like Me
"Different-sized spoons don't fit together like this."
Please Like Me
"(PHONE BEEPS)"
Please Like Me
"FEMALE RECORDED VOICE: Received at 11:13am."
Please Like Me
"MAN: Josh, it's your dad."
Please Like Me
"Don't worry, mate. Mum's ok. She's ok."
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"She's been moved to a ward."
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"You awake?"
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"FEMALE RECORDED VOICE: Received at 10:15am."
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"Oh, mate, where are you?"
Please Like Me
"Call me back."
Please Like Me
"FEMALE RECORDED VOICE: Received at 9am."
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"CLAIRE: Hey, Josh. Your dad called, and he told me what happened."
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"I just... I hope that you're ok, and if you need anything,"
Please Like Me
"please just let me know."
Please Like Me
"(BEEP!)"
Please Like Me
"FEMALE RECORDED VOICE: Received at 8:40am."
Please Like Me
"FATHER: Fuck, Josh! Fuck!"
Please Like Me
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