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Clips from The Office - The Carpet (S02E02)

"Very well, then you're all punished."
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"No, no."
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"Hey. What's up?"
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"Nothing much."
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"What? What do you think of Kelly?"
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"She's really cool."
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"Are you interested in her? Yeah, totally."
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"Really? Did she say something?"
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"or if she'd be cool just hanging out?"
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"I have no idea. Can you find out?"
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"Yeah. Sure."
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"Oh, long-term, definitely."
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"But don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm, like, up for anything."
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"Do you remember Ed Truck? Sure. He hired me."
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"How's he doing? How would I know?"
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"I thought you might."
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"I wasn't talking literally, Creed."
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"Ed? Hi, thanks for meeting me."
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"It must be kind of neat coming back. Yeah. Shall we go upstairs?"
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"Well, somebody did something in my office"
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"Really? Yeah."
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"with people not liking you?"
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"You can't expect to be friends with everybody."
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"Well, sure I can. No."
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"You can love a boss like you do a father."
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"But now, no."
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"I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did."
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"I hope they ask,"
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"Go get yourself a monkey kidney."
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"and well, I was assuming that you probably gave it to them"
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"because you wanted me to ask you out, right?"
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"So, give me a call back."
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"You just asked a girl out on the phone."
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"Yep."
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"Yes."
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"Hello, yes, I'm looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott."
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"Who is this? How did you get this number?"
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"Your mom, you gay nerd."
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"Hey, listen, did you get that package I left for you?"
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"Really? Yeah!"
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"Where did you leave it? Look in the middle of your office."
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"You mean, the thing?"
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"Are you kidding me?"
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"Special delivery. That was Packer!"
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"You are dead! You are dead, my friend."
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"Of course it was you."
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"Oh, my God! It was Packer!"
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"It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand."
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"We have fun. We just have fun."
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"You have seven unheard messages."
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"Hey, Jim, it's Pam."
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"and then Michael's there and it's horrible."
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"Anyway, I'm bored. Come back."
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"Sudoku. Level, moderate. Time, 18 minutes."
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"Suck on that, Halpert."
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"I'll transfer you."
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"Hey, I have a chance to sneak out of here early"
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"but I have a theory that involves an inter-departmental conspiracy."
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"Pam's on vacation"
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"I would be creeped out by it,"
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"Names, numbers. Okay."
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"Oh! Jeez..."
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"No!"
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"Oh."
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"Packer and I once spent a whole day with our pants off."
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"hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome."
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"Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet?"
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"Hello, Rock 107, am I the 107th caller?"
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"Yeah, right. Okay, maybe another month,"
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"like, maybe for, like, Presidents' Day or something?"
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"Yeah, that's right. We could do a three-day weekend."
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"That doesn't seem fair. You want to talk about fair?"
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"I don't know. It depends if you like a little junk in..."
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"and I now think that they did it on purpose and it was directed at me."
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"but it smells horrible."
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"I'm not sure that ever happens. Well, okay."
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"Different management styles."
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"And I got your number from the corporate directory,"
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"Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Hold, please."
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"and I'm not messing this up. So, I'll see you tomorrow."
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"I don't know if you guys figured out who did that to Michael's carpet yet,"
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"What? Oh, nothing."
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"I get 10 vacation days a year"
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"where I just leave piles of clothes on the floor"
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"A customer. Well, sound the alarm."
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"Plus, I just..."
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"What's our punishment? You're all on a time out."
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"She said lots of things."
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"So, what's the problem with my pension?"
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"Really? Guys, did you see a big package in my office?"
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"Am I the 107th caller?"
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"I'm gonna leave it right over here where everybody can see it."
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"You can get my number from said directory."
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"It was done out of love, just like I thought."
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"Anyway, I have a thing stuck in my shoe."
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"What's going on in here?"
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"Yeah, somebody once did that in my office."
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"Well, what was done?"
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"Stanley knows what I'm talking about."
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"Well, honestly, Ed, I really don't want to be up there right now."
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"Michael. What is it?"
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"That's no burst pipe. How do you know that? What is it then?"
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"That might be a little difficult with the one computer."
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"No, no, no. Seriously, I'll be in the back."
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"I just... You couldn't understand, but man, you guys have it easy out here."
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"Once, as a joke, Packer banged every chick in the office."
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"What happened in Michael's office was wrong."
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"You explain to me how that was fair and I'll explain to you how this is fair."
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"Michael, you should have much bigger fears than that."
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"Last week I would have given a kidney to anyone in this office."
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"Why can't your workers be your workers,"
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"Or just check your e-mail, 'cause I just sent you one."
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"Sit on the throne, Michael."
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"Michael was standing at my desk, and I needed to be busy"
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"Don't be a wuss. Just get... No, I'm not holding your coffee."
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"So this is sort of like my audition tape."
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"That sounds disgusting."
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"Yeah. I thought he was out on the road."
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"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."
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"Yeah! Yeah!"
The Office
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