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Clips from The Odd Couple - Pilot (S01E01)

"Take a look at what you did to my sports ticker."
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""Pick up your socks... F.U.""
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"Well, I've got something to get off of my chest, too."
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"When I was at the lowest point in my life, you took me in,"
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"you showed me the true nature of friendship,"
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"how to fight right!"
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"living with an inconsiderate slob who is so lazy"
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"Have you been watching me?"
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"You, sir, are in denial!"
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"Oh, I'm in denial, Mr. Trial Separation?"
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"At least I admit that Gaby's not coming back,"
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"instead of thinking that Ashley's just gonna"
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"magically change her mind."
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"Oh, I'm sorry. Look who just texted me."
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"Does that say "Ashley" or is it magic?"
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"Please tell me she's taking you back."
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"Oh, it's a phone number."
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"Who will be representing her in our divorce."
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"Aw, I'm... I'm sorry, buddy."
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"Well, look at me."
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"Nope, trapdoor! Here comes the abyss!"
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"Hey, Casey. What's up?"
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"Hey, I got your message."
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"I can't do dinner tomorrow."
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"Well, bring her along."
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"Uh, I can't do that to Felix."
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"Emily's going through a tough time."
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"Why?!"
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"- So you want to say 7:00? - It's a date."
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"I'm sorry. Is this bothering you?"
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"I'd choose a piece more to your liking,"
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"but it's hard to play porn on a cello."
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"Felix, I'm sorry about last night."
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"Let's start over. Let me take you out to dinner."
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"- Really? - Yeah, just you and me."
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"And Casey and her sister."
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"A date? I'm not ready to date."
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"Well, get ready because they're here."
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"And if I know Felix Unger, he's never rude."
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"Damn you."
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"Just do me a favor and don't cry in front of Casey"
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"and kill the mood."
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"Casey, welcome. Where's your sister?"
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"I am Emily. And, yes, we came from the same gene pool."
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"Well, you seem very nice,"
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"but just so you know, I'm only here"
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"because my sister wanted me to get out more."
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"Look at you two, hitting it off. I'll go make us some drinks."
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"Good idea. I'll give you a hand."
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"Great."
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"I was up all night with an ear infection."
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"Understood."
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"Sinuses."
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"Well, if you need a specialist,"
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"Are you kidding me? This nose bought him his summer home."
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"Ooh, never a good start to a conversation."
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"So..."
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"let me be honest with you."
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"Getting worse."
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"I have a busy career."
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"I just broke up with a guy who was super needy and emotional,"
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"and I live with my sister, who is super needy and emotional,"
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"and I can't break up with her,"
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"- Friendship. - Sex."
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"It's just, that's all I can handle right now."
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"Felix was just telling me about the end of his marriage."
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"Oh, that's fun."
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"Yeah, six months."
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"Do I have pictures? Are you kidding? I'm a photographer."
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"I have an entire slideshow set to the music of Enya."
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"Oh."
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"Pictures of Ashley? Are you crazy?"
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"You trying to make yourself cry?"
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"Oh, please. Give me some credit."
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"Don't you dare ruin this for me and that beautiful girl..."
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"Where did she go?"
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"Oh. She's in the bathroom throwing up."
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"only two dots to connect here."
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"This is Ashley. Lovely, isn't she?"
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"- She's very pretty. - Mm."
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"Aw, look at you two, walking on the beach so happy."
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"Yeah, kicked off my shoes,"
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"rolled up my summer-weight slacks,"
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"And who's this?"
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"That is Oscar's ex-wife Gaby."
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"The four of us went to Hawaii together."
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"- Have you ever seen these pictures? - No, I haven't."
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"And I don't need to see them now."
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"Please put them away. You know what,"
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"I can actually sync them up to the TV."
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"Oscar, you and your wife look so happy."
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"Oh, oh, oh. Look, Oscar, there's the seashell."
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"Nothing to tell."
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"Oh, it-it's so romantic."
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"He wrote "Will you marry me?" on a seashell."
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"No, I wrote "Please let me make you happy"
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"for the rest of your life" and then hid it on the beach."
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"so I had to read it to her."
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"It was a great day."
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"You're crying."
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"No, no, no, I'm not."
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"Um, I could use another drink."
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"Em, come help me."
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"All she wanted was sex with no feeling."
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"Can't you see? This is a good thing."
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"There is a beautiful person inside you."
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"You're having a major breakthrough."
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"Don't stop. Let it all out."
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"- No, give me that. Give me that. - No. So you can erase my pictures?"
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"Oh, God. The guy is looking"
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"at pictures of his ex-wife and crying."
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"Is this the most awkward date you've ever been on?"
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"Well, on our third anniversary, Brandon made out with a busboy."
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"So... no."
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"Ah!"
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"Oh, my God. What happened?"
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"He told me to let go, so I did."
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"What's wrong with you?"
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"I know I'm concussed."
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"I will. All the way to a hotel."
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