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Clips from American Housewife - Pilot (S01E01)

where every idiot has a boat and a Labradoodle.

"where every idiot has a boat and a Labradoodle."

American Housewife

with special programs for our Anna-Kat...

"with special programs for our Anna-Kat..."

American Housewife

Clean.

"Clean."

American Housewife

She's my favorite.

"She's my favorite."

American Housewife

You need to read my report and check my work.

"You need to read my report and check my work."

American Housewife

Now, don't come out until you get those signed.

"Now, don't come out until you get those signed."

American Housewife

paid her a visit.

"paid her a visit."

American Housewife

Let's see what she looks like after three kids.

"Let's see what she looks like after three kids."

American Housewife

Tell your mom thanks for sending you in here

"Tell your mom thanks for sending you in here"

American Housewife

Oh, Fat Pam, why are you abandoning me,

"Oh, Fat Pam, why are you abandoning me,"

American Housewife

He's not naked.

"He's not naked."

American Housewife

Oh!

"Oh!"

American Housewife

For the love of all things, where was I?

"For the love of all things, where was I?"

American Housewife

Once Fat Pam is gone, I am going to be

"Once Fat Pam is gone, I am going to be"

American Housewife

Try that today.

"Try that today."

American Housewife

Bye.

"Bye."

American Housewife

Flat stomachs, tight, high asses,

"Flat stomachs, tight, high asses,"

American Housewife

two of my kids fit in less and one fits in more.

"two of my kids fit in less and one fits in more."

American Housewife

I was either wearing it backwards when I ate the pizza,

"I was either wearing it backwards when I ate the pizza,"

American Housewife

Thanks, Suzanne.

"Thanks, Suzanne."

American Housewife

Well, I've got some news.

"Well, I've got some news."

American Housewife

Fat Pam? Rich Fat Pam?

"Fat Pam? Rich Fat Pam?"

American Housewife

What the hell is that woman over there wearing?

"What the hell is that woman over there wearing?"

American Housewife

Yeah, she is. One on each wrist.

"Yeah, she is. One on each wrist."

American Housewife

I object to it deeply and on every level.

"I object to it deeply and on every level."

American Housewife

should have an ass like a 19-year-old?

"should have an ass like a 19-year-old?"

American Housewife

Mmm.

"Mmm."

American Housewife

Like a, uh...

"Like a, uh..."

American Housewife

"brand-new bag of flour."

American Housewife

Taylor, tell your brother how well you did

"Taylor, tell your brother how well you did"

American Housewife

I did very well.

"I did very well."

American Housewife

This constant doling out of freebies

"This constant doling out of freebies"

American Housewife

That's how you get sick.

"That's how you get sick."

American Housewife

Okay.

"Okay."

American Housewife

Did you actually write that on the paper?

"Did you actually write that on the paper?"

American Housewife

and get her into Fat Pam's house,

"and get her into Fat Pam's house,"

American Housewife

that the whole family got cancer.

"that the whole family got cancer."

American Housewife

Who?

"Who?"

American Housewife

a single tubby person in this place all afternoon.

"a single tubby person in this place all afternoon."

American Housewife

And she's bigger than me, right?

"And she's bigger than me, right?"

American Housewife

you know we're super proud of you, right?

"you know we're super proud of you, right?"

American Housewife

Not germ tag.

"Not germ tag."

American Housewife

- All right. - Okay.

"- All right. - Okay."

American Housewife

for someone other than yourself.

"for someone other than yourself."

American Housewife

I knew it.

"I knew it."

American Housewife

Well, this is your mess.

"Well, this is your mess."

American Housewife

- What do you mean, in a nutshell? - Forget I said nutshell.

"- What do you mean, in a nutshell? - Forget I said nutshell."

American Housewife

Friends are more important than germs?

"Friends are more important than germs?"

American Housewife

That's right.

"That's right."

American Housewife

I had to. I couldn't let you go.

"I had to. I couldn't let you go."

American Housewife

- Because of all the rich blacks. - What's that, now?

"- Because of all the rich blacks. - What's that, now?"

American Housewife

Mm.

"Mm."

American Housewife

Gail!

"Gail!"

American Housewife

Welcome to Westport!

"Welcome to Westport!"

American Housewife

"_"

American Housewife

I like your sweater.

"I like your sweater."

American Housewife

Hi.

"Hi."

American Housewife

Friends are more important than germs.

"Friends are more important than germs."

American Housewife

That's wonderful.

"That's wonderful."

American Housewife

Let's go wash that hand.

"Let's go wash that hand."

American Housewife

Sorry for the intrusion.

"Sorry for the intrusion."

American Housewife

Oh, no.

"Oh, no."

American Housewife

I finished the yardwork.

"I finished the yardwork."

American Housewife

The Wilsons and the Gordons want me back next week!

"The Wilsons and the Gordons want me back next week!"

American Housewife

I did something great for someone else.

"I did something great for someone else."

American Housewife

How about nothing?

"How about nothing?"

American Housewife

you'd let me wear a skirt to school.

"you'd let me wear a skirt to school."

American Housewife

When did I start caring about what other people think?

"When did I start caring about what other people think?"

American Housewife

I've heard so much about you.

"I've heard so much about you."

American Housewife

Mom, this is our new neighbor, Viv.

"Mom, this is our new neighbor, Viv."

American Housewife

And then you just run.

"And then you just run."

American Housewife

and then try to slap some sense into Oliver.

"and then try to slap some sense into Oliver."

American Housewife

about the challenges with our children.

"about the challenges with our children."

American Housewife

Our kids are fine.

"Our kids are fine."

American Housewife

That's right... I said it.

"That's right... I said it."

American Housewife

which I nailed.

"which I nailed."

American Housewife

Oh, God help her.

"Oh, God help her."

American Housewife

Today it was because I wouldn't hold hands in partner tag.

"Today it was because I wouldn't hold hands in partner tag."

American Housewife

Well, just go over there and convince her not to buy this house.

"Well, just go over there and convince her not to buy this house."

American Housewife

Oliver's teacher just e-mailed.

"Oliver's teacher just e-mailed."

American Housewife

I think I'm sick, Mama.

"I think I'm sick, Mama."

American Housewife

Oh, thanks.

"Oh, thanks."

American Housewife

You were saying?

"You were saying?"

American Housewife

I'll make it easy for you.

"I'll make it easy for you."

American Housewife

Name another woman around here fatter than me.

"Name another woman around here fatter than me."

American Housewife

It's completely absurd

"It's completely absurd"

American Housewife

Take in Urban Youth

"Take in Urban Youth"

American Housewife

You had your chance.

"You had your chance."

American Housewife

Excuse me?

"Excuse me?"

American Housewife

Welcome to the neighborhood.

"Welcome to the neighborhood."

American Housewife

Oh, we're talking two full episodes

"Oh, we're talking two full episodes"

American Housewife

- 6%. - 80%.

"- 6%. - 80%."

American Housewife

thighs that don't touch,

"thighs that don't touch,"

American Housewife

that I don't already feel great about in the first place...

"that I don't already feel great about in the first place..."

American Housewife

'cause you are what we call an original.

"'cause you are what we call an original."

American Housewife

in the school food drive on principle.

"in the school food drive on principle."

American Housewife

I don't want to hear any plops.

"I don't want to hear any plops."

American Housewife

You have something on the back of your shirt.

"You have something on the back of your shirt."

American Housewife

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!"

American Housewife

Morning, Mom.

"Morning, Mom."

American Housewife

His hair is so lustrous.

"His hair is so lustrous."

American Housewife

what would happen if we all took

"what would happen if we all took"

American Housewife

against my will?

"against my will?"

American Housewife

This is no different.

"This is no different."

American Housewife

a leisurely half-hour dump every morning?

"a leisurely half-hour dump every morning?"

American Housewife

It's the kind of town

"It's the kind of town"

American Housewife

Anna-Kat has a touch of the anxieties.

"Anna-Kat has a touch of the anxieties."

American Housewife

It was right in front of me the whole time.

"It was right in front of me the whole time."

American Housewife

Well, you're not being who you are.

"Well, you're not being who you are."

American Housewife

How did you get a pizza stain on the back of your shirt?

"How did you get a pizza stain on the back of your shirt?"

American Housewife

My husband Greg, at rest in his natural habitat.

"My husband Greg, at rest in his natural habitat."

American Housewife

to do nothing but diet and work out?

"to do nothing but diet and work out?"

American Housewife

I'm not going anywhere.

"I'm not going anywhere."

American Housewife

I'm not gonna lie to you...

"I'm not gonna lie to you..."

American Housewife

Remember how Dr. Ellie taught you

"Remember how Dr. Ellie taught you"

American Housewife

Well, if you do it right, it turns gut into boob.

"Well, if you do it right, it turns gut into boob."

American Housewife

and fast.

"and fast."

American Housewife

All those horrible women in this town.

"All those horrible women in this town."

American Housewife

who was raised by her grandfather.

"who was raised by her grandfather."

American Housewife

The women around here are freaks.

"The women around here are freaks."

American Housewife

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