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Clips from Night Court - The Former Harry Stone (S01E01)

"- You committed armed robbery? - No. I knocked over a liquor store."
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"The front part of it, anyway, with a '64 Cadillac convertible."
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"- You mean you stole the car? - Impulsive, huh?"
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"But I was a teenager then."
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"All I meant to do was drive around the block a couple of times and take it back..."
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"I only spent two nights in jail and a couple of weeks in the reformatory..."
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"...but it affected me for the rest of my life."
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"It was a courtroom like this, and he sat right there."
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"You would have thought he could have blinked or..."
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"...something. He could have reached out and slapped me or..."
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"...damn it, he just sat there and looked at me."
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"And then when it was all over..."
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""You disappointed me, Harold.""
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"When a boy loves his father..."
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"...he would rather get..."
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"...knocked across the head with a two-by-four..."
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"...than hear that kind of stuff."
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"Well, anyway..."
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"...sort of died."
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"It always kind of bugged me, you know."
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"That he never found out..."
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"...I hadn't made a habit out of stealing cars."
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"Let the record show that I convened court..."
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"...asked him to pay restitution..."
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"...and gave him a 10-day suspended sentence."
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"And then I called a recess."
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"Harry?"
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"Harry?"
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"Harry."
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"My God."
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"- I thought you were... - What? Resting comfortably?"
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"- Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine. I just..."
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"...had a little attack of the past, you know?"
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"Maybe it's just time I learned that I can't change it."
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"Things that are past, it is needless to blame.""
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"Confucius?"
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"Probably."
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"In any case, it's the longest message I ever read in a fortune cookie."
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"It's okay."
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"- Anybody home? - This isn't what you were thinking."
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"No, we just thought you were comforting a friend."
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"Then it was. I mean, what you were thinking."
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"- Your Honor, are you all right? - We were worried about you."
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"I'm fine. Thank you all very much for being concerned, really."
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"Knock, knock. Look what the cat dragged in."
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"I thought I'd save somebody the trouble of saying it."
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"You back for more dirt, Craven?"
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"What, that car stuff? Are you crazy?"
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""Joyriding Judge"? What the hell is that? I can't print that."
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"Now, take the piece I did on the deranged men's room attendant in Queens."
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"I'm way ahead of you."
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"Hello."
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"Oh, look. It's my favorite pair."
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"What can we do for you kids?"
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"...could you marry us? - It's on again, huh?"
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"You made me realize that if you've got a chance at something, well..."
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"...who knows, it may be your last, right?"
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"- It excites me. - I know how you feel."
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"Sure. Make an appointment with Miss Wagner..."
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"No, you see, the suit has to be back in the morning."
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"- Sure! What the heck? Why not? - Oh, my God. We're having a wedding."
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"- Now? Surely you don't intend... - I think all we need is a marriage license."
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"Dan, Liz, come on over here. You'll be the witnesses."
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"- Here. You stand over here. - I don't think this is the time."
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"We're ready now."
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"Fine."
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"You stop following me around."
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"Here's all you need to know. I'm armed."
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"- What's doing? - These two are getting married."
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"Oh, which is the bride's side?"
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"- Over there. - Thank you."
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"- Forgetting something? - What's this?"
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"The text of the ceremony."
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""Dearly beloved...""
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"Let's just let her rip."
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"Vickie..."
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"...you really love this little hothead, don't you?"
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"- I beg your pardon? - Just answer the question."
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"- Yes. - Yeah. I thought so."
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"And, Ronnie, you feel like she's the only woman in the world for you?"
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"- What do you want? Blood? - Just checking."
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"Do you promise to try to show her that you love her..."
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"...and not just flop down in front of the TV every night?"
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"- Yeah. Whatever you say. - Okay."
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"Do you promise not to jump him with a bunch of problems..."
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"...when he comes in from work?"
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"And do you promise not to make other plans for him on Super Bowl Sunday?"
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"Grow up. It's 1984."
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"We're talking about being sensitive and considerate..."
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"...to another person's feelings."
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"...then I don't know how you can help but be happy."
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"That's it."
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"- That's what? - It's over."
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"- It is? - Hey, I just made you listen to that stuff."
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"Technically, I don't have to say anything and you're married. From now on, it's up to you."
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"And you may hug the judge."
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"I wish we had some rice to throw on them."
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"Well, thank you all. Goodbye."
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"- Good luck. Take care. - Yeah. Bye. Thank you very much."
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"Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
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"I doubt if I could."
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"Hey, everybody, come on."
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"All over to my place for the reception."
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"Where do you live?"
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"That's a park."
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"Dress accordingly."
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"By the way, folks..."
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"...I don't know why it makes any difference to anyone. It sure shouldn't."
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"But for the record, I'm 34 years old."
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"The pool!"
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"- I had 28. - Thirty-four..."
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""HTS." Who's HTS?"
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"Call it a hunch."
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"...of human misery in a place like this. - Yeah."
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"Be that as it may, Judge Stone is older than you think."
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"Oh, I'm a little over 900 years old."
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"There's gotta be ways to find out."
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"I feel like we're prying."
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"- What's next? - Next we have a rather unusual case."
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"Suppose on your wedding day you saw your wife in the nude."
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