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Clips from Arrested Development - Notapusy (S03E03)

"No, I know that her name is not Annabelle. I just..."
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"That's how I remember her name, 'cause her body's kind of shaped like a..."
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"She's... Is she running the lights or something?"
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"She's in it. She's a-a contestant."
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"- Sort of like an inner beauty pageant. - Ah! There it is."
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"- Is it like a Christian thing? - Well, it's half."
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"It's at the state fair, which this year's gonna be a church and state fair."
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"It seems the state had run out of money..."
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"until it was resurrected by this man..."
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"if it included a church presence."
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"I got some news for you. There's no such thing as an inner beauty pageant."
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"into a number of progressive pageants..."
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"that claimed to celebrate beauty in all its forms."
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"But the winners still tended to have it going on in the conventional sense."
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"- No, I remember how badly you used to want me to win. - We should have..."
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"- I don't know where that hair of yours came from. - Shameless Plugs on Placentia."
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"Looks pretty good, huh? And they're not licensed, which means big savings."
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"That's been happening a lot lately."
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"- You know what? This is the perfect thing to do. - No, Mom, I'm not gonna do it."
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"No, no, not you. Bob's daughter Hope."
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"If I can get Hope this crown..."
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"maybe her father might just wanna crown me, if you know what I mean."
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"I'm guessing have sex, but that's meeting you more than halfway."
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"Perhaps if I could coach a certain young lady to victory in this pageant..."
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"- Tobias and Ann. - My Ann?"
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"No, I don't... I don't think we need any help."
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"Oh, George Michael, she's a girl."
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"Let me out that queen."
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"I think you just did."
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"- Michael. - Gob."
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"Let me get that for you. Um..."
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"So a young neighborhood tough by the name of Steve Holt's gonna be here any minute."
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"- And a DNA test. - I heard the jury's still out on science."
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"Anyway, he wants to go to the fair."
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"But I don't wanna hurt his feelings, so I need you to do it."
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"Just tell him that I'm out of town on one of my trips."
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"- I'm not gonna lie to your son. - Come on. I lie to yours all the time."
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"Michael, I'm not ready to be a dad."
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"Plus, I'm gonna be very busy this week being a judge for the pageant."
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"Gob had been a pageant judge for years."
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"- You can't believe what it does for your sex life. - I don't wanna hear it."
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"I don't wanna say it. First place chick is hot but has an attitude."
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"Doesn't date magicians. Second place is someone weird usually..."
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"But third place, although a little bit plain, has super low self-esteem."
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"So I step in and, uh, lay her crown upon my sweet head."
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"Have I missed this euphemism?"
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"- Steve Holt! - I should go."
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"He's hiding from me, isn't he?"
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"It's just they have this father-son triathlon, and I just wanted him to do it with me."
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"- A!@%$#. - And Steve didn't mean pussycat."
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"Uh, Steve, how'd you like to do that triathlon with me?"
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"- Are you serious? - Yeah."
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"- Uncle Mike! - Steve Holt!"
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"Both men felt good about themselves."
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"But Gob didn't share their enthusiasm."
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"that I'm running a triathlon at the fair, and if you're back in town..."
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"Meanwhile, at the Church and State Fair..."
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"Maeby was trying to enroll in the pageant... sort of."
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"Your situation poses a problem. Let me talk to our chairman."
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"- Hey, what are you doing, Maeby? - It's Surely."
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"I'm just here to prove that all these pageants care about is looks."
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"Just watch. Surely's inner beauty will get trumped by her outer icky."
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"- What happened to your nose? - It's part of the disguise."
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"Isn't it cool? The same one Nicole Kidman wore in The Hours."
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"It had been purchased for her at a charity auction she'd attended as a studio executive..."
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"- $10,000. - by Jamie Kennedy."
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"You're such a dear."
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"But I'm not putting you in my remake of A Thoroughly Polite Dustup."
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"Miss Wolfbeak..."
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"although it costs quite a bit to put in a ramp for you, we got approval."
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"You're in."
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"As Maeby found herself stuck in a beauty pageant..."
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"Lucille was meeting with attorney Bob Loblaw..."
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"I mean, my God. He's already lost a hand. If he loses a leg..."
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"how will we ever get him out of the apartment?"
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"where the inductee is relieved of duty once he enlists someone to take his place."
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"So I'm supposed to find some poor, innocent soul and hook him?"
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"Well, that's not going to help sign anyone. Where's your hand?"
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"It got stuck in the prize hole again."
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"- Ow. There goes number three. - I wasn't playing it."
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"I was just trying to get my other one back."
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"What's going on?"
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"Your father's gotten a lot of bad press because of the escape attempts."
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"You'll do anything to get out of !@%$#% in this apartment."
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"- Ah, you're drunk. - Yeah, Mom, can you just..."
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"And, Dad... You know, why do we even need the surrogate?"
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"- Dad's in the apartment... - Don't come in here. Don't come in here."
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"Don't come in here. I said not to come in."
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"- I did not spend money on a surrogate so you can just... - I lost him."
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"I think you've got your hands full trying to make this guy look good."
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"which involves you speaking with at-risk male youth..."
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"to scare them away from criminal behavior."
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"Okay. I can do that. I'm gonna need some big, blown-up photos of your mother."
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"Oh. Okay. Why not?"
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"I mean, uh, if I don't win this thing, I'm gonna be back there anyway."
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""At risk male youth." That spells "army.""
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"the government had been fishing for years."
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"- I may head down there too. - Yeah, I don't know, Dad."
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""Startled Straight." I'm not so sure you're the guy for that."
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"But I'll look into it while I'm down at the fair signing up for a triathlon."
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"Triathlon? Do you know how hard a triathlon is?"
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"People lose control of every bodily function. Didn't you ever see that video?"
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"It's like your mother on New Year's Eve."
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"Actually, Lucille went down faster."
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"You're not even in shape. You're gonna fall apart in front of everybody."
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"- You're kind of scaring me, Dad. - You see?"
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"Perfect for this "Startled Straight" thing."
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"Tobias was getting Ann ready..."
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"for the talent portion of the pageant."
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"I think we need something with a little more spectacle in the act."
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"Something that will make you look small and pretty in comparison."
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"- A camel. - You know, she has a really lovely singing voice."
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"I'll sing to the camel."
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"Yes. We can Google some disco songs with the word "hump" in them."
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"- Cute. - No, that sounds a bit racy."
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"Okay. He may be afraid of sex, but you're not going to win without it."
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"- No, I'm not afraid of sex. - Oh, good."
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"Go have sex with this girl right now. Do it. Go."
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"I didn't think so. Ann, you need to decide..."
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"whether you want a man or a boy."
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