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Clips from Archer - Honeypot (S01E01)

"- With KGB surveillance team. They... - Not "how" how, you ass. "Why" how."
Archer
"No, we have the digital hi-def now."
Archer
"Damn your bloodshot eyes, I'm serious."
Archer
"I will not let that happen to you."
Archer
"I have no idea how this Ramón Limón..."
Archer
"Oh, right, how could I?"
Archer
"The important thing is that the disk does not fall into the wrong hands."
Archer
"And so, here are the keys and the deed..."
Archer
"A nice start to a new start."
Archer
"I tried, but the Russian was smart enough to copy-protect the disk."
Archer
"I would hazard he's taking a personal day."
Archer
"Doesn't it? Oh, uh, Woodhouse, I told my guests you'd pack their lunch."
Archer
"Now, I know you're familiar with the honey pot."
Archer
"Seducing and blackmailing a hot female enemy agent."
Archer
"She has never liked me."
Archer
"Sterling, please, I need your help."
Archer
"You'll be who it sucks to be if I have to call my bridge partner."
Archer
"and she says she can't go to hospital..."
Archer
"You click through pictures of everybody who works here, and say if you'd rather..."
Archer
"you can see what everybody said."
Archer
"with a satellite feed back to these hard drives."
Archer
"- You're still taping bum fights? - No, now I'm into something..."
Archer
"It's a safe bet he'd have Ramón killed if he ever found out he was gay."
Archer
"Well if you do, I've developed a proprietary chemical compound..."
Archer
"Suit yourself. Just means more for me and Danny."
Archer
"I have ascertained the target, sir."
Archer
"I'm trying to help."
Archer
"I've got my top man on it. Or possibly bottom."
Archer
"Do you not see me rocking this chiseled slab of hard man-body?"
Archer
"- I mean, come on. Are you gay or not? - I am."
Archer
"- Oh, please. - What?"
Archer
"Thank you."
Archer
"I can't believe you blab that you're a secret agent."
Archer
"Danny. Danny, stop running. We gotta keep that heart rate down, buddy."
Archer
"Shut up. But also and speaking of clothes..."
Archer
"these seem way too normal. - What, normal as opposed to gay?"
Archer
"Not abnormal, just gay."
Archer
"I believe he means before you lure them into the apartment, sir."
Archer
"I thought I made it clear you are not my type."
Archer
"you cannot handle a single rejection? - Yes."
Archer
"- Let me buy you a drink. - I already have a drink."
Archer
"Way the Christ out in the Everglades..."
Archer
"- Oh, you mean literally. - Yes."
Archer
"and fling acid in your face. - Thank you."
Archer
"Oh, great. Mother, I have nothing to report yet."
Archer
"- See the stereotypes we put up with? - You don't know what I'm dealing with."
Archer
"But the stereotype thing got me thinking..."
Archer
"just so I'd have to come live with you and your mother?"
Archer
"Stereotypes exist for a reason."
Archer
"Ramón, hey. I have a proposition for you."
Archer
"we go to your place and have, you know..."
Archer
"That's what you're gonna be saying when I'm, uh, all..."
Archer
"Trust me, whoever decorated this condo..."
Archer
"- Here, try it. - No. Whoa, whoa."
Archer
"Mm. Mm!"
Archer
"But instead he just starts choking the shit out of you..."
Archer
"wet blob of drool drips off his teeth and just: "Blurp!""
Archer
"No, it's cause he said he wanted to marry her."
Archer
"Thank you. - Charles and Rudi? What the...?"
Archer
"You dicks were working for Castro this whole time?"
Archer
"- Not that you care. - Yeah, I actually don't."
Archer
"it will become public. And if you see what's on this disk..."
Archer
"- Well if you weren't gay, you will be. - Ha, ha! Well, what is it?"
Archer
"A sex tape of Mother?"
Archer
"you queer. - What the hell, man?"
Archer
"Sorry, I meant homosexual person."
Archer
"- Oh, my bad. - Oh, my bad."
Archer
"- Ha, ha. Now who feels stupid? - My guess is both of you."
Archer
"- Thank you. - So how about stand up..."
Archer
"Hmm. I think they must have escaped, however implausible that may seem."
Archer
"And so, I must now go into hiding."
Archer
"- We don't have a word for "Hulk." - Do you have a word for "gay?""
Archer
"Jesus, Spanish, our jobs aren't enough."
Archer
"- Let me turn that frown upside down. - How?"
Archer
"Not that. Woodhouse. He's all tied up somewhere."
Archer
"Probably dehydrated."
Archer
"Oh! Oh, I cannot believe you."
Archer
"Of all the dumb stunts you've..."
Archer
"Nikolai, how could you do this?"
Archer
"For record of activities in Krakow."
Archer
"Oh, some blurry eight-millimeter of..."
Archer
"Wonderful. So they can blow it up for the jury at my treason trial."
Archer
"You let this happen. And by doing so, jeopardized our entire operation."
Archer
"Darling, please. Don't say that."
Archer
"... got the disk. He must have gone rogue."
Archer
"Oh, all Hispanics look roguish."
Archer
"The KGB had no idea about my plan."
Archer
"So please, do not blame Major Jakov."
Archer
"- You mean "wronger" hands. - Like your government's. Or mine."
Archer
"I find it very surprising that Castro okayed an operation..."
Archer
"with such potential to embarrass the Soviets."
Archer
"Which is why I am planning ahead for my retirement. In beautiful Miami."
Archer
"to my condo in South Beach."
Archer
"But what of the financial arrangements?"
Archer
"You'll get the money when I get the disk. And if you've made copies..."
Archer
"Yeah, he's a real genius."
Archer
"But if you try to double-cross me..."
Archer
"Well, you should know what..."
Archer
"kind of a man you are..."
Archer
"dealing with. - Oh, Ramón."
Archer
"I think I know exactly what kind of man you are."
Archer
"Uh, que?"
Archer
"I said I could eat the absolute pants off some shrimp."
Archer
"I don't suppose he's up. No, mum."
Archer
"And from the looks of it, not to mention the lemur..."
Archer
"The hell he is."
Archer
"Woodhouse, we got any lube?"
Archer
"Like at this point even olive oil would..."
Archer
"help me get that drawer unstuck."
Archer
"Jesus God, Sterling. Schoolgirls?"
Archer
"- Those are costumes. - I suppose that makes it better?"
Archer
"I'll do my best, sir. I'm afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups."
Archer
"- Yeah, like I told you he would. You idiot. - Will you please focus?"
Archer
"I love the honey pot."
Archer
"I'm sure you do."
Archer
"But this time you may not find the target..."
Archer
"appealing. - What, is it Pam?"
Archer
"Seriously, whoever. It's all the same in the dar... No."
Archer
"- Yes. Yes. Yes! - No. No. Come on."
Archer
"And don't even get me started on Miss Gillette."
Archer
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