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Clips from The Package

"Sarah, I'm sorry. Can you tell your boyfriend or whatever"
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"to stop throwing a little baby boy tantrum right now."
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"Maybe I should be more like you. Right? Manipulate things."
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"Make 'em go my way. Like what you did with the medevac."
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"- Shut the fuck up. - What are you talking about?"
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"Uh, while your brother was lying there, maybe about to die, uh..."
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"Sean was pretending to be you and texting Chad from your phone."
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"Sean."
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"Sea... Sean?"
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"Are you serious?"
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"- You... - It was... It was an accident. I was..."
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"How is texting my boyfriend as me an accident?"
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"You guys weren't even technically together."
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"What? What? What did you say? What did you say to him?"
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"I said, "Fuck you. We're done." And then I called him "dirty taint.""
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"Wow."
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"- Yeah. - Um, okay."
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"The... the voicemail?"
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"The voicemail he sent me."
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"I, um... I need to... I need to go."
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"- I'm sorry. I need to borrow your phone. - No. What the hell?"
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"You do not want to fuck with me right now!"
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"Just messaging Chad and telling him to pick me up."
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"Becky..."
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"Of course, he's online. Okay."
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"He's coming to pick me up."
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"Thank you."
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"Sarah, let's go."
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"Becky! Becky!"
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"Becky."
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"Use the twin connection."
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"Find me."
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"If you can hear me, please hurry up and come and save me."
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"Becky!"
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"Nope, it's me Darlene. Hello."
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"Um, so..."
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"we got you an operating room."
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"I'm telling you, lady."
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"My friends are close."
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"And I'm telling you, it doesn't matter if they're close."
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"By now, unless your penis somehow got fresh, oxygenated blood in it,"
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"it's dead."
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"No, no, no, no! Don't."
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"Oh, my God."
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"There's no point in waiting any longer for trash to arrive."
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"Okay, fine."
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"Let's do the butt-skin dick."
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"A graft is no longer an option."
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"- What? - Do you smell that?"
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"You know we don't serve blue cheese in the cafeteria, right?"
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"That... that is..."
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"That's your hole."
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"I'm sorry."
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"The anesthesiologist will be in shortly."
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"Wow. So this is really happening."
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"I can't believe I shat on your chances with Becky."
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"Yeah, it's my own fault. I'm a fucking idiot."
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"Uh, no."
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"Also, I'm really sorry I started the rumor about you going to rehab for bath salts."
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"What? That was you?"
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"I feel like we both now know I have problems with abandonment."
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"- Yep. - I can't believe"
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"I found a dick in the sewer."
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"Believe it, young'un. You just got your dick cherry popped."
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"Gonna need a new cooler."
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"- Fuck. - Dude."
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"- Yo. Yo, yo, yo. - They have the redneck's dick."
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"If..."
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"we can get it to the doctor..."
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"then the doctor can reattach it and we can get Jeremy's penis back."
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"We haven't been good friends to each other."
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"- I feel like I've been a good friend... - But..."
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"we can be best friends for Jeremy."
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"Let's do it."
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"Hey, man."
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"Who the hell are you?"
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"- I said no visitors. - Uh, I'm really sorry."
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"There's something that you should know about..."
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"your penis."
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"Er, I mean, it's not your penis..."
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"You have our friend Jeremy's penis."
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"What the hell are you talking about?"
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"- They put our friend's penis on you. - Yes, they did."
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"Like, not like when I was out, they put your friend's dick on my face..."
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"I don't know, maybe that happened. But then they sewed it on you."
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"You're gonna see right away it's our friend Jeremy's penis."
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"Oh, my God."
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"That is not my dick."
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"That's not your dick. It's what I said."
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"Why? Why? Why is it so ugly?"
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"- Yeah. - Oh, my God."
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"Where did they find this? A little Navajo boy?"
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"It's a normal-looking dick."
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"Once the swelling goes down, it's gonna get smaller?"
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"Are you fucking kidding me? How am I supposed to work with this?"
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"Ugh. You two again? Hey! Am I gonna have to call security?"
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"Oh, hey, it's Dr. Malpractice."
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"Guess what? You sewed the wrong dick onto the wrong body."
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"If you don't want us to fuck your world up, you listen."
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"Two water sanitation workers just came into the hospital with his dick."
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"- What? My real penis is here? - Yeah, man."
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"What we need you to do is reattach 'em."
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"Guys... You don't just pop 'em on and off."
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"It's a delicate operation."
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"It's not a fucking LEGO set."
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"That dick is staying on that body."
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"Are you trying to tell me that I'm stuck with this..."
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"- this thing? - Hey, man."
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"That thing..."
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"that fucking thing..."
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"belonged to a goddamn majestic person."
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"And you need to respect"
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"that you got a part of my friend on you now forever."
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"Okay? You got a piece of Jeremy."
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"It's a good dick."
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"You need to honor that penis."
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"And bring it as much joy as Jeremy brings us"
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"every time you take it out."
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"Because it belonged to a great dude."
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"The best."
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