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Clips from Veep - Testimony (S04E04)

Did you know what was going on in your name

"Did you know what was going on in your name"

Veep

on the day of the Families First vote?

"on the day of the Families First vote?"

Veep

Were you using lobbyists?

"Were you using lobbyists?"

Veep

I would never, ever let that happen.

"I would never, ever let that happen."

Veep

And if it had happened, which it absolutely did not,

"And if it had happened, which it absolutely did not,"

Veep

I would make sure that something was done about it.

"I would make sure that something was done about it."

Veep

Absolutely damn sure.

"Absolutely damn sure."

Veep

So this wasn't a matter for Congress?

"So this wasn't a matter for Congress?"

Veep

Well, I am certain that Congress, and my opponents for that matter,

"Well, I am certain that Congress, and my opponents for that matter,"

Veep

have better things to do with their time,

"have better things to do with their time,"

Veep

like getting down to the business of government.

"like getting down to the business of government."

Veep

And let me repeat myself again and say to the American people

"And let me repeat myself again and say to the American people"

Veep

that there is not one ounce of truth to these allegations.

"that there is not one ounce of truth to these allegations."

Veep

- Madam President... - Not one ounce of truth to these allegations.

"- Madam President... - Not one ounce of truth to these allegations."

Veep

Thank you very much. That's all the time I have for today.

"Thank you very much. That's all the time I have for today."

Veep

Thank you.

"Thank you."

Veep

Don't touch me.

"Don't touch me."

Veep

Do you solemnly swear

"Do you solemnly swear"

Veep

that the testimony you're about to give is the truth,

"that the testimony you're about to give is the truth,"

Veep

the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

"the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

Veep

- I do. - Yes, I do.

"- I do. - Yes, I do."

Veep

Absolutely. Yes, sir, I do.

"Absolutely. Yes, sir, I do."

Veep

Mr. Cafferty, pardon me being blunt,

"Mr. Cafferty, pardon me being blunt,"

Veep

but why did Families First fail?

"but why did Families First fail?"

Veep

It happens. Rain gonna fall,

"It happens. Rain gonna fall,"

Veep

bar's gonna close, bill's gonna fail.

"bar's gonna close, bill's gonna fail."

Veep

There's a job for you at Hallmark, Mr. Cafferty.

"There's a job for you at Hallmark, Mr. Cafferty."

Veep

You don't seem upset that the bill failed.

"You don't seem upset that the bill failed."

Veep

If I had kids, which actually I do,

"If I had kids, which actually I do,"

Veep

this bill would be my baby.

"this bill would be my baby."

Veep

I and the entire White House,

"I and the entire White House,"

Veep

we sweated a full transfusion of blood

"we sweated a full transfusion of blood"

Veep

to pass this bill.

"to pass this bill."

Veep

So Jonah Ryan wasn't sent here to defend the bill,

"So Jonah Ryan wasn't sent here to defend the bill,"

Veep

to deliberately undermine it?

"to deliberately undermine it?"

Veep

No. No. Read my luscious lips, no.

"No. No. Read my luscious lips, no."

Veep

We were consultants, not lobbyists.

"We were consultants, not lobbyists."

Veep

And what's the difference?

"And what's the difference?"

Veep

You ask to be consulted.

"You ask to be consulted."

Veep

A consultant consults the client,

"A consultant consults the client,"

Veep

whereas a lobbyist lobbies on behalf of the client.

"whereas a lobbyist lobbies on behalf of the client."

Veep

You're not telling me the difference, you're just turning nouns into verbs.

"You're not telling me the difference, you're just turning nouns into verbs."

Veep

So you were consulting people to vote against the Families First Bill?

"So you were consulting people to vote against the Families First Bill?"

Veep

Yes. Yes, we were.

"Yes. Yes, we were."

Veep

That's exactly what they were doing.

"That's exactly what they were doing."

Veep

Excuse me, Mr. Ryan. We didn't ask for your commentary

"Excuse me, Mr. Ryan. We didn't ask for your commentary"

Veep

on the veracity of their testimonies.

"on the veracity of their testimonies."

Veep

Oh, I'm very sorry, sir.

"Oh, I'm very sorry, sir."

Veep

I'm sorry that I misconducted myself

"I'm sorry that I misconducted myself"

Veep

and I will not do that in to the future.

"and I will not do that in to the future."

Veep

What is your assessment of Ms. Brookheimer and Mr. Egan?

"What is your assessment of Ms. Brookheimer and Mr. Egan?"

Veep

Oh, Ms. Brookheimer is a strong,

"Oh, Ms. Brookheimer is a strong,"

Veep

independent, flexible woman.

"independent, flexible woman."

Veep

And Lord knows there aren't enough of those in DC.

"And Lord knows there aren't enough of those in DC."

Veep

And Mr. Egan?

"And Mr. Egan?"

Veep

Uh, Dan Egan is a solid five and a half, weak six.

"Uh, Dan Egan is a solid five and a half, weak six."

Veep

Can you tell us who was responsible for the data breach?

"Can you tell us who was responsible for the data breach?"

Veep

No. Well, I mean, yes.

"No. Well, I mean, yes."

Veep

Yes, it's a matter of public record

"Yes, it's a matter of public record"

Veep

that Dan Egan was fired

"that Dan Egan was fired"

Veep

because of his relation to the data breach.

"because of his relation to the data breach."

Veep

I mean, you could have Googled that.

"I mean, you could have Googled that."

Veep

Wait, that's not my question.

"Wait, that's not my question."

Veep

Was he responsible?

"Was he responsible?"

Veep

Washington needed a sacrifice,

"Washington needed a sacrifice,"

Veep

so we all ran and took out our pitchforks

"so we all ran and took out our pitchforks"

Veep

and we set fire to the wicker Dan.

"and we set fire to the wicker Dan."

Veep

Okay, so why did he deserve to go if he was innocent?

"Okay, so why did he deserve to go if he was innocent?"

Veep

You make it sound like there's a correlation

"You make it sound like there's a correlation"

Veep

between what should happen and what actually happens.

"between what should happen and what actually happens."

Veep

I mean, life is chaotic and it's often unfair.

"I mean, life is chaotic and it's often unfair."

Veep

I know it is for me.

"I know it is for me."

Veep

Dan Egan deserved to go,

"Dan Egan deserved to go,"

Veep

so he went.

"so he went."

Veep

Sure, I love money.

"Sure, I love money."

Veep

But there's something else that I love

"But there's something else that I love"

Veep

and it's a little lady called the United States of America.

"and it's a little lady called the United States of America."

Veep

And Ms. Brookheimer and I are here today as patriots

"And Ms. Brookheimer and I are here today as patriots"

Veep

speaking up for the common citizen,

"speaking up for the common citizen,"

Veep

be that individual an actual person or a corporation.

"be that individual an actual person or a corporation."

Veep

That shoehorned stab at nobility

"That shoehorned stab at nobility"

Veep

- will not fly here. - Okay.

"- will not fly here. - Okay."

Veep

Ms. Brookheimer, are you guided purely by money?

"Ms. Brookheimer, are you guided purely by money?"

Veep

I think it's interesting that you chose me to aim that question at,

"I think it's interesting that you chose me to aim that question at,"

Veep

insinuating that I am a money-grabbing,

"insinuating that I am a money-grabbing,"

Veep

careerist, low-moraled...

"careerist, low-moraled..."

Veep

I don't know why I'm helping you here.

"I don't know why I'm helping you here."

Veep

There is no need to be shrill, Ms. Brookheimer.

"There is no need to be shrill, Ms. Brookheimer."

Veep

- Shrill? - Mmm.

"- Shrill? - Mmm."

Veep

Do you recall a document shared on the J-drive

"Do you recall a document shared on the J-drive"

Veep

titled the Jonad Files?

"titled the Jonad Files?"

Veep

- Uh, no. No, ma'am. - No. That doesn't ring a bell.

"- Uh, no. No, ma'am. - No. That doesn't ring a bell."

Veep

So it's not a word combining Jonah and gonad?

"So it's not a word combining Jonah and gonad?"

Veep

- Not to my knowledge. - I can confirm

"- Not to my knowledge. - I can confirm"

Veep

that that is exactly what it is and Mr. Egan knows that.

"that that is exactly what it is and Mr. Egan knows that."

Veep

In fact, Mr. Egan, I was told that you encouraged staffers

"In fact, Mr. Egan, I was told that you encouraged staffers"

Veep

to add to this glossary of abuse.

"to add to this glossary of abuse."

Veep

I do not at this moment in time recall the action

"I do not at this moment in time recall the action"

Veep

nor the document in question.

"nor the document in question."

Veep

Okay, maybe this will jog your memory. We have some extracts.

"Okay, maybe this will jog your memory. We have some extracts."

Veep

J-Rock, Jizzy Gillespie, Jack and the Giant Jackoff,

"J-Rock, Jizzy Gillespie, Jack and the Giant Jackoff,"

Veep

Gaylien, Tinker Balls, Wadzilla, One Erection...

"Gaylien, Tinker Balls, Wadzilla, One Erection..."

Veep

Do we have to go through all of these?

"Do we have to go through all of these?"

Veep

I'm not sure that I see the relevance.

"I'm not sure that I see the relevance."

Veep

The witnesses claim they held their former colleague

"The witnesses claim they held their former colleague"

Veep

in high regard and I am attempting to prove otherwise.

"in high regard and I am attempting to prove otherwise."

Veep

Okay, yeah, sure. No, you can proceed.

"Okay, yeah, sure. No, you can proceed."

Veep

The Pointless Giant, The 60-Foot Virgin,

"The Pointless Giant, The 60-Foot Virgin,"

Veep

Gimpanzee, Jonah Ono, Hagrid's Nutsack,

"Gimpanzee, Jonah Ono, Hagrid's Nutsack,"

Veep

Scrotum Pole, Transgenderformers,

"Scrotum Pole, Transgenderformers,"

Veep

12 Years a Slave to Jerking Off,

"12 Years a Slave to Jerking Off,"

Veep

Benedict Come In His Own Hand,

"Benedict Come In His Own Hand,"

Veep

Guyscraper, The Cloud Botherer,

"Guyscraper, The Cloud Botherer,"

Veep

Supercalifragilisticexpiali Dick Cheese,

"Supercalifragilisticexpiali Dick Cheese,"

Veep

Teenage Mutant Ninja Asshole, Spewbacca.

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Asshole, Spewbacca."

Veep

My college friends called me Tall McCartney.

"My college friends called me Tall McCartney."

Veep

I preferred that. That's a good nickname.

"I preferred that. That's a good nickname."

Veep

Fractious cracks have opened up in your relationships

"Fractious cracks have opened up in your relationships"

Veep

and in your testimony and we'll explore them in a later session.

"and in your testimony and we'll explore them in a later session."

Veep

Do you solemnly swear that the testimony you're about to give is the truth,

"Do you solemnly swear that the testimony you're about to give is the truth,"

Veep

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