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Clips from Ned Rifle

"[ Horn honks ]"
Ned Rifle
"Hi. I'm here to see a friend of mine. Mr. Simon Grim?"
Ned Rifle
"Man: Is he expecting you?"
Ned Rifle
"I believe so."
Ned Rifle
"[ Phone Ringing ]"
Ned Rifle
"Yes, sir, someone's here. A Mister..."
Ned Rifle
"Edward Rifle."
Ned Rifle
"Mr. Rifle."
Ned Rifle
"Of course."
Ned Rifle
"It's the elevator to the 4th floor, room 423."
Ned Rifle
"It's the street side."
Ned Rifle
"Simon: Ned, nice to see you. Thanks for visiting."
Ned Rifle
"I'm just revising my new material."
Ned Rifle
"A new poem?"
Ned Rifle
"No, I'm through with all that."
Ned Rifle
"Working on my stand-up routine."
Ned Rifle
"You want to be a comedian?"
Ned Rifle
"Yeah, why not?"
Ned Rifle
"Am I not funny?"
Ned Rifle
"Well, it's been a while, Uncle Simon."
Ned Rifle
"That's right."
Ned Rifle
"It's been a while, and real-life experience has taught me much,"
Ned Rifle
"that perhaps I'd overlooked as a poet laureate"
Ned Rifle
"and cultural touchstone."
Ned Rifle
"People want a good laugh now and then, Ned, trust me."
Ned Rifle
"Good old-fashioned slapstick humor, naughty innuendo,"
Ned Rifle
"a few well-placed fart jokes, enough with the earnest reflection,"
Ned Rifle
"the tragic but unifying elusiveness"
Ned Rifle
"of the human spirit in modern times and so on."
Ned Rifle
"I'm through with it."
Ned Rifle
"Only now, after all this heartbreak and controversy,"
Ned Rifle
"only now, am I able to confront my inner clown."
Ned Rifle
"Look, Uncle Simon, my mom said you had some money for me."
Ned Rifle
"Oh, yeah, here it is. That's the bank card."
Ned Rifle
"The pin number's on the Post-It note."
Ned Rifle
"Thanks."
Ned Rifle
"So where exactly do you do this?"
Ned Rifle
"Do what?"
Ned Rifle
"Your stand-up comedy routine."
Ned Rifle
"Right here in front of the computer."
Ned Rifle
"I have a weekly video blog."
Ned Rifle
"I'm about to post a new one,"
Ned Rifle
"but I can't seem to get this joke right."
Ned Rifle
"[ Knocking ]"
Ned Rifle
"Ah! That's Zach, my comedy coach."
Ned Rifle
"Excellent."
Ned Rifle
"Zach: Think funny."
Ned Rifle
"Simon: Hi, Zach. Come on in."
Ned Rifle
"Zach this is my nephew, Ned."
Ned Rifle
"Ned, Zach."
Ned Rifle
"Zach: Think funny."
Ned Rifle
"Hey, you know, you guys have work to do,"
Ned Rifle
"and I have to go get a room."
Ned Rifle
"I'll leave you to it for now. Talk to you later, Simon."
Ned Rifle
"See you later, kid."
Ned Rifle
"Have you got a room free?"
Ned Rifle
"How many nights?"
Ned Rifle
"2, 3, maybe."
Ned Rifle
"Yeah, I can do that."
Ned Rifle
"A single, right?"
Ned Rifle
"Right. Can I leave my suitcase here?"
Ned Rifle
"Man: Sure."
Ned Rifle
"Ned: Wow, that's a lot of money."
Ned Rifle
"[ Beep ]"
Ned Rifle
"[ Girl coughs ]"
Ned Rifle
"Hey."
Ned Rifle
"Hey."
Ned Rifle
"Are you staying at the hotel?"
Ned Rifle
"Oh, I just sort of hang around there."
Ned Rifle
"Oh, well, I'm sorry but, I'm not interested."
Ned Rifle
"In what?"
Ned Rifle
"In whatever it is you're selling."
Ned Rifle
"Do you think I'm a prostitute?"
Ned Rifle
"What do you want?"
Ned Rifle
"To meet Simon Grim."
Ned Rifle
"Oh, that's why you hang around the hotel?"
Ned Rifle
"He never leaves the building."
Ned Rifle
"I've been here for weeks."
Ned Rifle
"I did my graduate thesis on his poetry."
Ned Rifle
"[ Coughing ]"
Ned Rifle
"[ Blows nose loudly ]"
Ned Rifle
"Susan."
Ned Rifle
"Edward."
Ned Rifle
"He claims he's over poetry now and wants to do"
Ned Rifle
"stand-up comedy."
Ned Rifle
"Of course. All the poets are doing that now."
Ned Rifle
"It's the new thing. Have you seen his blog?"
Ned Rifle
"Not yet."
Ned Rifle
"Don't."
Ned Rifle
"It's bad, huh?"
Ned Rifle
"It's perfectly harmless, mind-numbingly attuned to"
Ned Rifle
"the lowest common denominator of consumer entertainment."
Ned Rifle
"What do you want to talk to him about then?"
Ned Rifle
"Are you familiar with his work?"
Ned Rifle
"-Grim's? -Yes."
Ned Rifle
"A little."
Ned Rifle
"I sometimes work for his comedy coach, Zach."
Ned Rifle
"He's a jerk."
Ned Rifle
"Zach?"
Ned Rifle
"I asked him to introduce me to Grim, and he insisted"
Ned Rifle
"on sexual favors."
Ned Rifle
"Oh."
Ned Rifle
"And afterwards, he still refused to introduce me."
Ned Rifle
"[ Blows nose loudly ]"
Ned Rifle
"You're not well."
Ned Rifle
"I got caught in the rain yesterday."
Ned Rifle
"Where do you stay?"
Ned Rifle
"Oh, around."
Ned Rifle
"Do you have a room for my friend here?"
Ned Rifle
"She's your friend?"
Ned Rifle
"Yes, I'm paying."
Ned Rifle
"He thinks I'm a prostitute, too."
Ned Rifle
"No, you're the poet laureate stalker."
Ned Rifle
"Ex-poet laureate."
Ned Rifle
"She wrote a book about him."
Ned Rifle
"I have no singles left."
Ned Rifle
"This place doesn't seem so busy."
Ned Rifle
"Still, no singles. You got the last one."
Ned Rifle
"I do have a double, though."
Ned Rifle
"Does that mean two beds?"
Ned Rifle
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