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Clips from Straight Up

"and you clearly don't want to be a waitress so."
Straight Up
"Who the fuck wants to be a waitress?"
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"The food here sucks!"
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"Oh put that back!"
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"Put I back!"
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"Is this seat taken?"
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"Does it look like it's taken?"
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"Don't deflect move"
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"- the story forward. - Okay."
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"No would you like to join me for a cup of joe?"
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"Have I seen you somewhere before?"
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"Maybe, are you familiar with the filmography"
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"of Lars Von Trier?"
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"So you're an actress?"
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"Do you want my autograph?"
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"Have you ever done a sex scene?"
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"Hmm. Does rape count?"
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"No."
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"Okay Rory, um."
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"We're not gonna tell you what you can and can't say."
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"We're not the PC police"
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"but rape is never funny."
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"I thought it was funny."
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"I didn't laugh."
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"It's not like I was mocking rape victims,"
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"I was mocking actors."
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"Uh-huh, not everybody can make that distinction."
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"Well it's not my fault if people are fucking stupid."
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"My best friend was date raped in college."
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"That made me feel really uncomfortable."
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"See Rory. It's different for people"
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"who've actually been affected by sexual abuse."
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"Yes I would know, thank you."
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"If you need to talk to someone,"
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"my best friend really loves her therapist."
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"Your date rape friend?"
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"No, Colleen moved to Boston."
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"We don't really talk any more."
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"Hey Karen it's your daughter."
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"Just calling to chat."
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"How's Sri Lanka?"
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"I hear they have great..."
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"What do they have in Sri Lanka?"
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"Anyway I'm trying to be less negative"
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"so I'm gonna sandwich technique this for you."
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"It didn't rain. So that's positive."
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"I got fired and everybody in my improv class"
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"thinks I'm a huge bitch and I got a parking ticket"
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"and I think there's a dead mouse in my garbage disposal."
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"So that's my negative thing."
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"That's all 24 hours so it counts as one thing."
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"And positive, positive, what's positive?"
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"Oh I thought I saw Amy Adams at Trader Joes."
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"But it was just Isla Fischer. So."
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"I'm out here living the dream."
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"Hey, you know that saying shoot for the moon,"
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"even if you miss you'll land among the stars?"
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"I did some research and apparently"
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"the closest star excluding our sun,"
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"is still four light years away from Earth."
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"So if you miss the moon,"
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"you don't land on anything ever."
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"You just float aimlessly in space"
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"until you die."
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"Okay so call me back sometime or whatever. Bye."
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"Excuse me do you work here?"
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"No but I get that a lot, I don't know why."
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"You're restocking the shelves."
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"Oh some of the books are out of order."
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"Yeah but it's not your job."
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"Valid. Counterpoint, I was at Staples the other day"
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"and somebody asked me if we sold paperweights"
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"and I wasn't doing anything, I was just standing there."
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"Were you wearing a red shirt?"
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"No."
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"I know what your problem is,"
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"you have a very friendly demeanor,"
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"like you look super helpful."
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"Can I fix that?"
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"Yeah sure, don't make eye contact, don't smile."
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"The more you can project an air of antipathy,"
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"the less you'll be approached."
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"It's not a hobby, it's a way of life."
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"I'm ignoring you."
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"- It's convincing. - I can practice later."
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"Sorry am I in your way?"
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"Everything's sort of in disarray at the moment."
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"I'm in the it gets worse before it gets better phase."
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"No, no you're fine,"
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"I just, the library is hiring,"
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"I wanted to drop off my resume to"
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"a corporeal entity if possible."
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"- Good word. Corporeal. - Thank you."
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"And antipathy, you said that earlier."
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"Yeah that's one of my go-to smart people words."
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"It's your smart people what?"
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"You know that handful of words that you overuse"
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"in conversations to impress strangers"
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"even if they don't really fit like,"
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"my worst offenders are emblematic and perspicacity."
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"You don't do that do you?"
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"I'm sorry, ignore me,"
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"I am pretentious apparently."
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"My middle name is pretentious."
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"- What? - So we're even Steven."
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"Is that a joke?"
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"Like danger is my middle name."
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"No my middle name is Preston."
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"It's a pretentious name, I'm trying to relate to you."
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"Right. Preston is pretentious."
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"- Yeah. - Yeah."
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"Some would say that it is Prestontious."
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"Would they?"
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"If it's a joke yeah."
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"Copy."
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"My first name is Todd."
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"Hi Todd, I'm Rory."
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"- I like that name. - Thank you."
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"It reminds me of Rory Gilmore."
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"You watch "Gilmore Girls"?"
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