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Clips from Due Date

Yeah. Come on. Get in, Sonny.

"Yeah. Come on. Get in, Sonny."

Due Date

You know, my mind works in mysterious ways.

"You know, my mind works in mysterious ways."

Due Date

And I thought, "God, why would he wanna travel alone, you know?"

"And I thought, "God, why would he wanna travel alone, you know?""

Due Date

You have a nice shower?

"You have a nice shower?"

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-Yes, excellent. -Great.

"-Yes, excellent. -Great."

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You know, rest areas have the nicest showers.

"You know, rest areas have the nicest showers."

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The nicest showers.

"The nicest showers."

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This coffee's hot.

"This coffee's hot."

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-It's hot coffee. -Whoo!

"-It's hot coffee. -Whoo!"

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-Have we crossed the Mississippi River? -We're in Texas.

"-Have we crossed the Mississippi River? -We're in Texas."

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The Mississippi River was the river we crossed in Mississippi.

"The Mississippi River was the river we crossed in Mississippi."

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That's too bad.

"That's too bad."

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Would have been a great sendoff for my papa.

"Would have been a great sendoff for my papa."

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Put his ashes in the old river. Let the ashes float down to New Orleans, you know?

"Put his ashes in the old river. Let the ashes float down to New Orleans, you know?"

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Spend Mardi Gras there.

"Spend Mardi Gras there."

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-I'm gonna get some shuteye, okay? -Nothing he loved more than jazz music...

"-I'm gonna get some shuteye, okay? -Nothing he loved more than jazz music..."

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...and women's titties.

"...and women's titties."

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-Did I snore last night? -Mm-hm.

"-Did I snore last night? -Mm-hm."

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Sorry. I'm a deep sleeper. It's a condition.

"Sorry. I'm a deep sleeper. It's a condition."

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You know when they say, "That guy could sleep through an earthquake"?

"You know when they say, "That guy could sleep through an earthquake"?"

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I've actually slept through an earthquake.

"I've actually slept through an earthquake."

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I also fell asleep during a job interview at Bank of America.

"I also fell asleep during a job interview at Bank of America."

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I didn't sleep last night. I'm gonna try now.

"I didn't sleep last night. I'm gonna try now."

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You should have masturbated...

"You should have masturbated..."

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...because I had a glorious orgasm and I slept like a baby.

"...because I had a glorious orgasm and I slept like a baby."

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(OVER RADIO) --of a gentle coast

"(OVER RADIO) --of a gentle coast"

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And a sun to maybe dissipate

"And a sun to maybe dissipate"

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Shadows of the mess you made

"Shadows of the mess you made"

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(WORKERS CLAMORING)

"(WORKERS CLAMORING)"

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(BARKS)

"(BARKS)"

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Hey! Get up!

"Hey! Get up!"

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Ethan, wake up! Goddamn it!

"Ethan, wake up! Goddamn it!"

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Son of a bitch.

"Son of a bitch."

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No!

"No!"

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(PETER YELLING)

"(PETER YELLING)"

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PETER : I can't feel my arm.

"PETER : I can't feel my arm."

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(PETER YELLS AND GROANS)

"(PETER YELLS AND GROANS)"

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What happened?

"What happened?"

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I'll see if the rental agreement's in the....

"I'll see if the rental agreement's in the...."

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You know what? I have coverage.

"You know what? I have coverage."

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That's good.

"That's good."

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(ETHAN WHlSTLING)

"(ETHAN WHlSTLING)"

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-Stay away from me. -Jeez Louise, are you okay?

"-Stay away from me. -Jeez Louise, are you okay?"

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Am I okay? Do I look okay?

"Am I okay? Do I look okay?"

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I have a broken arm, three cracked ribs.

"I have a broken arm, three cracked ribs."

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I have seven stitches in my armpit. Does that answer your question?

"I have seven stitches in my armpit. Does that answer your question?"

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No, not okay.

"No, not okay."

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-Peter, I am terribly sorry. -Are you?

"-Peter, I am terribly sorry. -Are you?"

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Sonny's all banged up. I'm a wreck. You don't have a scratch.

"Sonny's all banged up. I'm a wreck. You don't have a scratch."

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Doctor said I was in such a deep sleep I didn't tense up.

"Doctor said I was in such a deep sleep I didn't tense up."

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-I told you I was a deep sleeper. -Yeah.

"-I told you I was a deep sleeper. -Yeah."

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Did the doctor say it is not advisable to fall asleep while driving?

"Did the doctor say it is not advisable to fall asleep while driving?"

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I was just trying to rest my eyes for a few seconds.

"I was just trying to rest my eyes for a few seconds."

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But seriously, next time try not to tense up. Really.

"But seriously, next time try not to tense up. Really."

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(HORN HONKS)

"(HORN HONKS)"

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PETER : One sec. ETHAN : Who's that?

"PETER : One sec. ETHAN : Who's that?"

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My actual friend. He's come to pick me up. All the way from Dallas.

"My actual friend. He's come to pick me up. All the way from Dallas."

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-Oh, good. Shotgun. -Nope. Not us.

"-Oh, good. Shotgun. -Nope. Not us."

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Just me. We're done.

"Just me. We're done."

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And by the way, it's been a fucking pleasure.

"And by the way, it's been a fucking pleasure."

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But just so my conscience is clear, let me let you know...

"But just so my conscience is clear, let me let you know..."

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...why you're not coming with us, okay?

"...why you're not coming with us, okay?"

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It's not because you got me kicked off a plane and shot by an air marshal.

"It's not because you got me kicked off a plane and shot by an air marshal."

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Not because you stood by as I had my ass handed to me by a handicapped hillbilly.

"Not because you stood by as I had my ass handed to me by a handicapped hillbilly."

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I am certainly not leaving you here...

"I am certainly not leaving you here..."

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...because you almost got me killed during the most important week of my life.

"...because you almost got me killed during the most important week of my life."

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I am leaving you here for a far more fundamental reason:

"I am leaving you here for a far more fundamental reason:"

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I despise who you are at a cellular level.

"I despise who you are at a cellular level."

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I've heard that before, and I'm trying to work on it.

"I've heard that before, and I'm trying to work on it."

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-Great. Now hear this: -Yes.

"-Great. Now hear this: -Yes."

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Beware. I'm warning you, don't go to Hollywood.

"Beware. I'm warning you, don't go to Hollywood."

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The streets are not paved with gold. They are paved with the carcasses...

"The streets are not paved with gold. They are paved with the carcasses..."

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...of imbeciles like you who think they're gonna make it.

"...of imbeciles like you who think they're gonna make it."

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"Pray you, avoid it."

""Pray you, avoid it.""

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Did you get that? That was Shakespeare. Heard of him?

"Did you get that? That was Shakespeare. Heard of him?"

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Yes, I've heard of him. He's a famous pirate.

"Yes, I've heard of him. He's a famous pirate."

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And by the way, it's Shakesbeard.

"And by the way, it's Shakesbeard."

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Let me give you a little bit of friendly advice.

"Let me give you a little bit of friendly advice."

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Nobody who calls themselves "Hollywood" has ever made it in Hollywood.

"Nobody who calls themselves "Hollywood" has ever made it in Hollywood."

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That I've never heard before.

"That I've never heard before."

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Sonny, you will be sorely missed, you little bat-faced piece of shit.

"Sonny, you will be sorely missed, you little bat-faced piece of shit."

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(DOG WHIMPERS & ETHAN GASPS)

"(DOG WHIMPERS & ETHAN GASPS)"

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-I have never... -Well, get used to it.

"-I have never... -Well, get used to it."

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...in all of my 23 years!

"...in all of my 23 years!"

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-Come on, let's get out of here. -What the fuck?

"-Come on, let's get out of here. -What the fuck?"

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-We're moving out. -You all right?

"-We're moving out. -You all right?"

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-What's going on? -Thank you so much.

"-What's going on? -Thank you so much."

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Who's the dude you yelling at?

"Who's the dude you yelling at?"

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He's nobody. A guy I was traveling with. He's trouble.

"He's nobody. A guy I was traveling with. He's trouble."

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He looks sad as shit.

"He looks sad as shit."

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-And you just spit on his dog. -I spit on his d-- God, I did.

"-And you just spit on his dog. -I spit on his d-- God, I did."

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I was seeing red because he has a way of getting under your skin. I'm fine. Let's go.

"I was seeing red because he has a way of getting under your skin. I'm fine. Let's go."

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-You wanna leave him here? -Trust me.

"-You wanna leave him here? -Trust me."

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-Pete, how long have I known you? -Twenty years.

"-Pete, how long have I known you? -Twenty years."

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-Twenty years. -Yep.

"-Twenty years. -Yep."

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Your energy's off. You don't wanna mess your karma up. You have a child coming.

"Your energy's off. You don't wanna mess your karma up. You have a child coming."

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So whatever you need to do to fix between you and DeBarge, you need to fix it.

"So whatever you need to do to fix between you and DeBarge, you need to fix it."

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Trust me.

"Trust me."

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Make it right.

"Make it right."

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Hollywood, come here.

"Hollywood, come here."

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-You see what I'm working with here? -Oh, wow.

"-You see what I'm working with here? -Oh, wow."

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Okay, I've calmed down a bit.

"Okay, I've calmed down a bit."

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-You ready to apologize? -What? Fuck you!

"-You ready to apologize? -What? Fuck you!"

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-Wait. Oh, no. -Let's go.

"-Wait. Oh, no. -Let's go."

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Pete, Pete, relax.

"Pete, Pete, relax."

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Fix it.

"Fix it."

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First of all, I'm sorry that I spat on Sonny.

"First of all, I'm sorry that I spat on Sonny."

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I have no recollection of that whatsoever.

"I have no recollection of that whatsoever."

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Now, if you're gonna travel with me to Los Angeles...

"Now, if you're gonna travel with me to Los Angeles..."

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...I gotta give you a couple guidelines. Number one:

"...I gotta give you a couple guidelines. Number one:"

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If you ask me a single question, I'm going to flip out on you.

"If you ask me a single question, I'm going to flip out on you."

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-So don't do that. Do you understand? -Somewhat, yes.

"-So don't do that. Do you understand? -Somewhat, yes."

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Number two: If you fall asleep for any reason...

"Number two: If you fall asleep for any reason..."

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...other than the fact that you're in a bed and it's nighttime...

"...other than the fact that you're in a bed and it's nighttime..."

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...I will disembowel you.

"...I will disembowel you."

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Make sense?

"Make sense?"

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-Somewhat. -Great.

"-Somewhat. -Great."

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Three: If you're allergic to waffles, don't eat waffles.

"Three: If you're allergic to waffles, don't eat waffles."

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-Then don't take me to a Waffle House. -Shut up!

"-Then don't take me to a Waffle House. -Shut up!"

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-Relax. -Get your stuff and get in back.

"-Relax. -Get your stuff and get in back."

Due Date

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