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Clips from Weeds - Doing the Backstroke (S03E03)

OK, this is ridiculous. Silas, give me your keys.

"OK, this is ridiculous. Silas, give me your keys."

Weeds

- I will drive your car home. - Absolutely not, no way.

"- I will drive your car home. - Absolutely not, no way."

Weeds

It's over 400 bucks to get your vehicle out of the impound lot.

"It's over 400 bucks to get your vehicle out of the impound lot."

Weeds

Now, give her your keys.

"Now, give her your keys."

Weeds

It's my car.

"It's my car."

Weeds

- Hey, what the hell, you can't do that. - Oh, yes, he can.

"- Hey, what the hell, you can't do that. - Oh, yes, he can."

Weeds

Because you have no rights, you thieving little shit.

"Because you have no rights, you thieving little shit."

Weeds

Son,

"Son,"

Weeds

get in the back of my vehicle right now. Let's go, come on.

"get in the back of my vehicle right now. Let's go, come on."

Weeds

It's done. Let's go. Come on.

"It's done. Let's go. Come on."

Weeds

I'm just trying to find some power bars, OK?

"I'm just trying to find some power bars, OK?"

Weeds

Power bars, that can't be right.

"Power bars, that can't be right."

Weeds

What do you call these?

"What do you call these?"

Weeds

Bars of reception?

"Bars of reception?"

Weeds

On my phone, I call it the shrinking pyramid.

"On my phone, I call it the shrinking pyramid."

Weeds

Kind of like your dick.

"Kind of like your dick."

Weeds

Hey, man, that's not cool. We don't even know these people.

"Hey, man, that's not cool. We don't even know these people."

Weeds

Oh, bars, bars, bars, got it. Here we go. Please don't shoot me.

"Oh, bars, bars, bars, got it. Here we go. Please don't shoot me."

Weeds

Hey, Nancy.

"Hey, Nancy."

Weeds

Surprise, it's me, Celia.

"Surprise, it's me, Celia."

Weeds

OK, but I didn't... I didn't call you.

"OK, but I didn't... I didn't call you."

Weeds

No, you meant to call Silas, but, you know, he's not here right now.

"No, you meant to call Silas, but, you know, he's not here right now."

Weeds

I had him arrested, and he admitted taking my cameras.

"I had him arrested, and he admitted taking my cameras."

Weeds

You can probably reach him at the Agrestic Police Station,

"You can probably reach him at the Agrestic Police Station,"

Weeds

if they're letting him take calls.

"if they're letting him take calls."

Weeds

Oh, and you know, Nance, you're gonna have to reimburse me

"Oh, and you know, Nance, you're gonna have to reimburse me"

Weeds

for gas money, because...

"for gas money, because..."

Weeds

...your irresponsible adolescent has left me with an empty tank and... Hello?

"...your irresponsible adolescent has left me with an empty tank and... Hello?"

Weeds

- We gotta go. - Like hell.

"- We gotta go. - Like hell."

Weeds

Hello, Nancy? Rude!

"Hello, Nancy? Rude!"

Weeds

As usual.

"As usual."

Weeds

Where is the fucking gas pop-up thing?

"Where is the fucking gas pop-up thing?"

Weeds

Fuck.

"Fuck."

Weeds

Where are we going?

"Where are we going?"

Weeds

I know where the pot is,

"I know where the pot is,"

Weeds

and if you let us go get it, we'll bring it right back, I swear.

"and if you let us go get it, we'll bring it right back, I swear."

Weeds

Guns on me.

"Guns on me."

Weeds

- I stay. - What?

"- I stay. - What?"

Weeds

Oh, because you wouldn't know that we're coming back, I got it.

"Oh, because you wouldn't know that we're coming back, I got it."

Weeds

- OK, Vasag will go with you. - Marvin, you're up. Go.

"- OK, Vasag will go with you. - Marvin, you're up. Go."

Weeds

If y'all not back with the broccoli by dark,

"If y'all not back with the broccoli by dark,"

Weeds

I'm shooting your boy here... in the nuts.

"I'm shooting your boy here... in the nuts."

Weeds

And I will shoot him in the kneecap and the elbow.

"And I will shoot him in the kneecap and the elbow."

Weeds

And so on, so you better get moving.

"And so on, so you better get moving."

Weeds

I forgot my purse. Sorry. Be back soon. Oh, no shooting, OK?

"I forgot my purse. Sorry. Be back soon. Oh, no shooting, OK?"

Weeds

He's 12, brown hair, brown eyes, he's wearing a beige suit, blue shirt.

"He's 12, brown hair, brown eyes, he's wearing a beige suit, blue shirt."

Weeds

Hey... If you find him, could you just call me?

"Hey... If you find him, could you just call me?"

Weeds

We had to sedate his mother.

"We had to sedate his mother."

Weeds

Yes, yes, very upsetting.

"Yes, yes, very upsetting."

Weeds

You have my cell number? Thank you. Thank you, bye.

"You have my cell number? Thank you. Thank you, bye."

Weeds

I'm telling you, man, after a lifetime of sardines and blubber,

"I'm telling you, man, after a lifetime of sardines and blubber,"

Weeds

a fast-food burrito ain't gonna be kind to you.

"a fast-food burrito ain't gonna be kind to you."

Weeds

You called the fucking cops, didn't you?

"You called the fucking cops, didn't you?"

Weeds

He's my nephew. I called in an AMBER Alert.

"He's my nephew. I called in an AMBER Alert."

Weeds

If the police find him first, and you fucked up my bounty,

"If the police find him first, and you fucked up my bounty,"

Weeds

I'm wiping my ass with you.

"I'm wiping my ass with you."

Weeds

Ah!

"Ah!"

Weeds

Hey, is this the truck version of setting me adrift on an ice floe?

"Hey, is this the truck version of setting me adrift on an ice floe?"

Weeds

Shane, this is Bear. We met over there by the candy machine,

"Shane, this is Bear. We met over there by the candy machine,"

Weeds

and he showed me that the lid to the mini-mint patties was loose. Look.

"and he showed me that the lid to the mini-mint patties was loose. Look."

Weeds

Mm, that's yummy.

"Mm, that's yummy."

Weeds

So, listen, little guy.

"So, listen, little guy."

Weeds

I am going to hitch a ride to South America with Bear,

"I am going to hitch a ride to South America with Bear,"

Weeds

but I'm gonna leave you the van, so you can go...

"but I'm gonna leave you the van, so you can go..."

Weeds

home, or to Pittsburgh, or wherever you wanna go, OK?

"home, or to Pittsburgh, or wherever you wanna go, OK?"

Weeds

- I'm 12. - I was driving at eight.

"- I'm 12. - I was driving at eight."

Weeds

Don't make him feel bad, Bear.

"Don't make him feel bad, Bear."

Weeds

OK, after you finish your sandwich, go to the big parking lot out back

"OK, after you finish your sandwich, go to the big parking lot out back"

Weeds

and practice driving around a little bit until you feel comfortable.

"and practice driving around a little bit until you feel comfortable."

Weeds

I'm sure you'll get the hang of it really quickly.

"I'm sure you'll get the hang of it really quickly."

Weeds

- Can you show me how? - I'm sorry, kid, I'm on a tight schedule.

"- Can you show me how? - I'm sorry, kid, I'm on a tight schedule."

Weeds

Yeah, he's on a really tight schedule and, you know, he's doing me the favour,

"Yeah, he's on a really tight schedule and, you know, he's doing me the favour,"

Weeds

so, when he says go, I gotta go.

"so, when he says go, I gotta go."

Weeds

And I said go half an hour ago, so chop-chop. Tempus fugit.

"And I said go half an hour ago, so chop-chop. Tempus fugit."

Weeds

Oh, my God, you speak Greek. How cute is that?

"Oh, my God, you speak Greek. How cute is that?"

Weeds

It's Latin, and the actual quotation is, Fugit irreparabile tempus,

"It's Latin, and the actual quotation is, Fugit irreparabile tempus,"

Weeds

which means, irretrievable time is flying.

"which means, irretrievable time is flying."

Weeds

Well, fuck me with a dictionary, kid.

"Well, fuck me with a dictionary, kid."

Weeds

Get beat up much?

"Get beat up much?"

Weeds

OK. Honey, honey...

"OK. Honey, honey..."

Weeds

sit down.

"sit down."

Weeds

I know that this must be rough,

"I know that this must be rough,"

Weeds

but I think that you can use this as an opportunity to explore

"but I think that you can use this as an opportunity to explore"

Weeds

and to grow and to learn that you should always keep an up-to-date passport

"and to grow and to learn that you should always keep an up-to-date passport"

Weeds

on your person at all times.

"on your person at all times."

Weeds

So, here are the keys to the van.

"So, here are the keys to the van."

Weeds

Here's about $13 in change

"Here's about $13 in change"

Weeds

that I liberated from the tampon machine in the ladies' room.

"that I liberated from the tampon machine in the ladies' room."

Weeds

I want you to have it. Have amazing adventures, Shane.

"I want you to have it. Have amazing adventures, Shane."

Weeds

We'll meet again. I'll be older, but I'll still be hot.

"We'll meet again. I'll be older, but I'll still be hot."

Weeds

And you'll be older,

"And you'll be older,"

Weeds

and you'll still be the same, smart, wise, gentle soul that you are now,

"and you'll still be the same, smart, wise, gentle soul that you are now,"

Weeds

but you'll be taller.

"but you'll be taller."

Weeds

And I think that you're gonna do

"And I think that you're gonna do"

Weeds

some really interesting things with your facial hair.

"some really interesting things with your facial hair."

Weeds

I just see it.

"I just see it."

Weeds

OK, sweetie? Heart hug, heart hug.

"OK, sweetie? Heart hug, heart hug."

Weeds

OK? Be well. I think you're amazing.

"OK? Be well. I think you're amazing."

Weeds

Bye.

"Bye."

Weeds

Man, this is a fucking police station.

"Man, this is a fucking police station."

Weeds

I told you, there's a guy in there who knows where the pot is.

"I told you, there's a guy in there who knows where the pot is."

Weeds

I'm just gonna go talk to him and leave. OK?

"I'm just gonna go talk to him and leave. OK?"

Weeds

And who is this guy? He a cop or something?

"And who is this guy? He a cop or something?"

Weeds

No, he's a criminal, just like us. It's gonna be fine.

"No, he's a criminal, just like us. It's gonna be fine."

Weeds

You pull any shit up in there,

"You pull any shit up in there,"

Weeds

we kill you and we kill your boy Conrad, dig?

"we kill you and we kill your boy Conrad, dig?"

Weeds

Fully digging, completely dug.

"Fully digging, completely dug."

Weeds

One more thing, you and Conrad, are you like together-together, or just like what?

"One more thing, you and Conrad, are you like together-together, or just like what?"

Weeds

We're business partners. Can I go in now?

"We're business partners. Can I go in now?"

Weeds

You ain't done nothing?

"You ain't done nothing?"

Weeds

Come on, two fine-looking people, all hormones and shit,

"Come on, two fine-looking people, all hormones and shit,"

Weeds

working side by side.

"working side by side."

Weeds

OK, fine. We kissed once.

"OK, fine. We kissed once."

Weeds

But I don't know, we never really talked about it, and now it's kind of weird,

"But I don't know, we never really talked about it, and now it's kind of weird,"

Weeds

and this whole thing happened with you guys,

"and this whole thing happened with you guys,"

Weeds

so it's not exactly a great time for us to process our feelings.

"so it's not exactly a great time for us to process our feelings."

Weeds

- So, no booty, huh? - No, no booty.

"- So, no booty, huh? - No, no booty."

Weeds

Ha!

"Ha!"

Weeds

- What do you mean, "Ha"? - As in I bet U-Turn and I win.

"- What do you mean, "Ha"? - As in I bet U-Turn and I win."

Weeds

I knew that pretty nigger never got up in your business.

"I knew that pretty nigger never got up in your business."

Weeds

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