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Clips from Weeds - Doing the Backstroke (S03E03)

"- How do you know? - You just told me."
Weeds
"I know that. How did you know before?"
Weeds
"- I just knew. - How?"
Weeds
"- I just did. - How?"
Weeds
"I've gotta go. This discussion is not over."
Weeds
"Yeah, it is, cos I know these type of things."
Weeds
"I'm like a deep dicking psychic."
Weeds
"Leave the keys so we can listen to the radio."
Weeds
"Jesus Christ, what do you want from me now?"
Weeds
"I can't believe you told Dana. How could you tell Dana?"
Weeds
"You fuck up my marriage, I fuck up yours. Even."
Weeds
"- Even, my ass! I love Dana. - Then what were you doing inside my wife?"
Weeds
"Your wife's enticing snatch has nothing to do with my deep and abiding love for my wife."
Weeds
"So give me your car keys. I'm going after my woman."
Weeds
"I drive a motorcycle."
Weeds
"And I'm not giving you a goddamn thing, you asshole."
Weeds
"I was married to Celia for 17 fucking years,"
Weeds
"and you waltzed in and fucked everything up. Literally."
Weeds
"I only wish I'd fucked your wife before I told her you cheated."
Weeds
"Dana would never fuck you!"
Weeds
"- Oh, really, how do you know? - Dana won't fuck anyone."
Weeds
"Something about a short cervix and how she might be a lesbian."
Weeds
"You have four kids."
Weeds
"Whose names could have been Tequila Shots,"
Weeds
"Snuck It In While She Was Sleeping, Doing It For A Lexus, and Turkey Baster."
Weeds
"But she gets me, she thinks I'm funny."
Weeds
"She buys my underwear, she puts new blades in my razor."
Weeds
"She makes these amazing lamb chops. And you told!"
Weeds
"The only thing Dana hates more than sex is public embarrassment."
Weeds
"She is never gonna forgive me."
Weeds
"- You home-wrecking fuck! - Ah!"
Weeds
"God... damn it!"
Weeds
"My marriage is over."
Weeds
"Yeah? Well, welcome to the club."
Weeds
"- Oh, shit, I'm bleeding. - Good."
Weeds
"Jesus!"
Weeds
"H. Christ."
Weeds
"You know, I dropped you on your head once."
Weeds
"You were about 15 months old."
Weeds
"We were playing this game where you'd climb up my legs"
Weeds
"and I'd flip you over and you'd land back on your feet, but this one time,"
Weeds
"you kept climbing up my body and you wouldn't flip."
Weeds
"And I'm holding your hands, and your little feet are scaling up my body"
Weeds
"and onto my shoulders, and I'm saying, "Silas, stop.""
Weeds
"But you were laughing."
Weeds
"You were almost completely upside down."
Weeds
"Your hard-soled shoe goes... wham,"
Weeds
"right into my eye, and..."
Weeds
"I let go."
Weeds
"You went headfirst... into the hardwood."
Weeds
"If Celia hadn't shown up, we'd be in business right now."
Weeds
"How did you even get into the safe?"
Weeds
"The combination was your maiden name. You think that was tricky?"
Weeds
"Wow. You know what? I can't do this right now."
Weeds
"I need to get my hands on what you took"
Weeds
"and give it back to some people who will do some very bad things if I don't."
Weeds
"Am I being clear?"
Weeds
"- What bad things? - Silas!"
Weeds
"Where is the... Where is the dry-cleaning?"
Weeds
"I need every last bag of clothing or my boss is going to kill me -"
Weeds
"just shoot me dead. You got that?"
Weeds
"Dead!"
Weeds
"Where is it?"
Weeds
"It's all in the trunk of my car."
Weeds
"- Your car? - Yes."
Weeds
"Would that be the car Celia's driving?"
Weeds
"- That would be it. - Jesus Christ."
Weeds
"The cop took my keys and gave them to her."
Weeds
"I couldn't do anything."
Weeds
"Can't your husband help you out of this?"
Weeds
"Mom?"
Weeds
"Mom!"
Weeds
"I gotta go."
Weeds
"- Are you taking me with you? - What?"
Weeds
"No. At least if you're here, I know where you are."
Weeds
"- Hello, Andy? - Hey, Nance, how's it going?"
Weeds
"Yeah, yeah, of course I got Shane."
Weeds
"In fact, I think we're gonna stay out for a while, is that cool?"
Weeds
"Yeah? Great!"
Weeds
"OK, don't worry about a thing, and he's having a blast."
Weeds
"Don't be such a mother hen. OK, we'll see you later, OK, bye."
Weeds
"I've seen her, she stole mint patties. You gonna pay for those?"
Weeds
"The kid, was there a kid with her, about yea high, beige suit?"
Weeds
"Sure, the kid was here. Had the grilled cheese special and paid all in quarters."
Weeds
"He left a decent tip, though."
Weeds
"How long ago did the girl leave?"
Weeds
"Oh, about two hours. She left with Bear."
Weeds
"- What does that mean? - Bear, he's a trucker."
Weeds
"And the kid was with them, with the girl and the Bear?"
Weeds
"They left, and then the kid drove a blue van"
Weeds
"around the parking lot for an hour before taking off."
Weeds
"A little young to be driving, if you ask me, but,"
Weeds
"all the preservatives people eat nowadays, everybody's looking younger, so..."
Weeds
"- Who knows? - Oh, man, come on, we gotta jam."
Weeds
"What kind of rig does Bear drive?"
Weeds
"Blue, like a cerulean blue,"
Weeds
"but with sparkle in it. Yosemite Sam mud flaps."
Weeds
"Holy Ned, you're a giant redwood. Move, Redwood!"
Weeds
"I'm not Redwood. I'm not Yetiman,"
Weeds
"Master Mohawk, Chief Wiggum,"
Weeds
"Eskimo Pie, Great White North,"
Weeds
"or Washington Redskin,"
Weeds
"and I'm not your snow nigger, you rude piece of shit."
Weeds
"I'm fucking through with you."
Weeds
"He..."
Weeds
"Hey! Hey, hey!"
Weeds
"Come on, I called you snow nigga, with an "a.""
Weeds
"Jeez, Nanook, you're so sensitive."
Weeds
"Oh!"
Weeds
"You don't even know if the bitch's coming back."
Weeds
"I got a hundred G's cash out the door."
Weeds
"I'm offering you a great deal here, take it."
Weeds
"That's not a great deal."
Weeds
"Shut your mouth before I piss in it."
Weeds
"That's just bad hygiene."
Weeds
"- Where were you raised? - Where were you raised?"
Weeds
"Unibrow, stinky armpit, sweat-suit-wearing motherfucker."
Weeds
"50 cent on the dollar. Final offer. Take it."
Weeds
"Euch!"
Weeds
"What?"
Weeds
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