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Clips from Lucifer - A Chance at a Happy Ending (S05E05)

"Yo, boss! Johnny's gotta make water!"
Lucifer
"No chance, man. Shut up!"
Lucifer
"Oh, he's peeing! Johnny's peeing all over the seat!"
Lucifer
"[prisoner] What are you fucking around for, man?"
Lucifer
"[guard] Damn it, Johnny!"
Lucifer
"[prisoners chattering]"
Lucifer
"-[guard] Really? What's your problem, man? -[grunting]"
Lucifer
"-[straining] -[prisoner] Get him down!"
Lucifer
"[grunting]"
Lucifer
"[shouts]"
Lucifer
"-[gunshot] -[grunts]"
Lucifer
"[engine revving]"
Lucifer
"[grunting]"
Lucifer
"[shouting]"
Lucifer
"[screaming]"
Lucifer
"[metal creaking]"
Lucifer
"-[chattering] -[laughing]"
Lucifer
"[piano playing off-key]"
Lucifer
"[Michael] You know, I always wondered why a piano."
Lucifer
"You're supposed to be the edgy one. Wouldn't a guitar be more, uh…"
Lucifer
"Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Lucifer! Lucifer. Lucifer."
Lucifer
"I am not here to fight."
Lucifer
"Oh, well, I am most certainly am!"
Lucifer
"[panting] Well, then what would happen"
Lucifer
"to all these poor, fragile humans, dear brother?"
Lucifer
"[gasps]"
Lucifer
"It's all right, everyone!"
Lucifer
"Just a little brotherly squabble. [chuckles]"
Lucifer
"-It's fine. It's fine. Music up. -[dance music playing]"
Lucifer
"[Michael] And besides, I mean, really, what's the point?"
Lucifer
"I've already won."
Lucifer
"I've assembled the Flaming Sword,"
Lucifer
"and thanks to it, and… [chuckles] …my charms, of course,"
Lucifer
"I have got the majority of angels on my side."
Lucifer
"And yet, here you are. Why?"
Lucifer
"To avoid bloodshed, brother."
Lucifer
"To keep our siblings safe. To make peace."
Lucifer
"I am here with an offer."
Lucifer
"[scoffs] There is nothing that you could offer me."
Lucifer
"Hmm. [chuckles]"
Lucifer
"What about a throne?"
Lucifer
"[laughs]"
Lucifer
"Are you offering me my old job?"
Lucifer
"I take Heaven. You take Hell. It's kind of poetic if you think about it."
Lucifer
"And, uh, I will let you rule down there however you see fit."
Lucifer
"Oh, gee, thanks, bro."
Lucifer
"But been there, done that, tried the veal."
Lucifer
"Ah-ah-ah! But I haven't told you the best part."
Lucifer
"Chloe will be down there with you."
Lucifer
"I mean, talk about happily ever after."
Lucifer
"What are you talking about? That's impossible."
Lucifer
"Even if you become God, you wouldn't have the power to force her soul down there."
Lucifer
"Only someone's guilt can take them to Hell."
Lucifer
"Exactly."
Lucifer
"Think about it."
Lucifer
"The father of her child is dead because of a case he was working for her."
Lucifer
"Did you do all of this?"
Lucifer
"Did you have them take Daniel?"
Lucifer
"No, no, no. That part was just a very happy accident."
Lucifer
"But when they told me they had him… [laughs]"
Lucifer
"oh, brother, I realized I had a golden opportunity."
Lucifer
"So you--"
Lucifer
"you told them to kill Dan?"
Lucifer
"You're welcome."
Lucifer
"-[Lucifer inhales] -[grunts]"
Lucifer
"[chuckles] Easy with the temper, brother."
Lucifer
"Dan is in Hell because of you!"
Lucifer
"Well, technically, it's because of his own guilt,"
Lucifer
"which he really should've gotten over by now."
Lucifer
"[shouts]"
Lucifer
"Forget about the past, brother."
Lucifer
"Focus on the future."
Lucifer
"Your future."
Lucifer
"With Chloe."
Lucifer
"[chuckles]"
Lucifer
"[Michael] You need time to think about it. I get it."
Lucifer
"But just so you know, the vote is tomorrow."
Lucifer
"And I'm holding it here on Earth so you can attend."
Lucifer
"You know, because of the whole "you're banished from Heaven"
Lucifer
"and would be instantly incinerated if you returned" thing."
Lucifer
"[chuckles] Though, that would be fun to see."
Lucifer
"Brother."
Lucifer
"I am offering you a chance at a happy ending."
Lucifer
"I hope you take it."
Lucifer
"Linda."
Lucifer
"[chuckles]"
Lucifer
"See?"
Lucifer
"This is what caring about people gets you."
Lucifer
"Sitting around like idiots, getting all emotional over inanimate junk!"
Lucifer
"So can we please just stop with the crybaby bullshit and get this done?"
Lucifer
"[gasps]"
Lucifer
"[shouts]"
Lucifer
"[Linda] Maze."
Lucifer
"Maze, honey, it's gonna be okay."
Lucifer
"What is that?"
Lucifer
"[sobbing] It's the T-shirt that Dan…"
Lucifer
"had to steal from Chloe after I knocked him out"
Lucifer
"and dumped him naked at her house."
Lucifer
"[sobbing] I still…"
Lucifer
"I still don't know how he fit his stupid ass in this thing."
Lucifer
"[chuckles, sobbing]"
Lucifer
"I miss him."
Lucifer
"-[crying] -[Linda] Maze."
Lucifer
"[sighs] Okay."
Lucifer
"[wailing]"
Lucifer
"Okay."
Lucifer
"It's okay."
Lucifer
"Okay."
Lucifer
"It's true."
Lucifer
"It's true, sometimes when you care about people…"
Lucifer
"you have to go through pain and loss."
Lucifer
"But that's the price of joy."
Lucifer
"[Amenadiel] She's right, Mazikeen."
Lucifer
"In order for none of us to be sad, we would have had to have never met Dan."
Lucifer
"You wouldn't want that. None of us would."
Lucifer
"[sobbing] Mnh-mnh."
Lucifer
"Like-- like when…"
Lucifer
"when Dan and I"
Lucifer
"pul-- pulverized that gang together."
Lucifer
"It was beautiful."
Lucifer
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