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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Makes Waffles! (S01E01)

"like you ruined the last..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"seven years of my life."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Right?"
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"___"
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"Well-played, tree."
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"I guess I'll just give up."
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"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
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"I can drive wherever I want."
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"I'm Ed Hardy!"
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"Randy."
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"Randy!"
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"We're trapped in the bunker!"
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"A Mole Woman."
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"That poor thing."
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"That goony simpleton needs me."
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"I got to go to Indiana."
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"Wait, don't leave."
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"I'll make us breakfast."
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"Okay..."
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"Oh, I got to get to the bus station, sorry."
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"I got a car in the divorce."
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"Maybe a road trip is exactly what I need right now."
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"I'm turning over a new leaf."
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"Uh-oh, last time I did that,"
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"I found a finger under it."
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"Well, all I'm hoping to find out is who I am,"
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"now that I'm not Mrs. Voorhees anymore."
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"And this house is not helping."
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"I mean, what did Vera do with all this trash?"
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"It used to just disappear."
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"Did she eat it?"
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"I've been in this dress for two days."
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"'Cause there's no one here to unzip it."
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"I took a shower in it, and now it's rusted shut."
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"Life is funny."
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"Who am I?"
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"I have to go pack for myself."
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"Can you fold pants?"
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"What?"
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"Road trip!"
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"Yeah."
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"Karate!"
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"This is all your fault."
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"I should be home right now,"
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"falling asleep while Brandon does CrossFit."
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"Well, I'm sorry"
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"I'm keeping you from marrying a gay guy."
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"Gay marriage is legal now, Kimmy."
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"Read a newspaper."
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"That's not how it works."
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"Oh, and you think you know how everything works"
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"'cause you're so smart?"
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"You always thought you were better than us,"
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"like that stuck-up owl from the Tootsie Pop commercial."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Great insult, Cyndee."
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"Owls are smart and can fly!"
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"You know who would love this? The Reverend."
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"- Shut your wet mouth! - Go jump up your own ass and die!"
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"You're just jealous because my dress covers the most skin."
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"Oh, shut up, shut up, shut up!"
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"You dumb-ass bitches!"
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"Shut up!"
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"Oh, my gosh!"
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"I speak Spanish!"
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"No, you don't."
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"I'm speaking in English."
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"___"
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"I learned English, like, two years in."
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"I'm not an idiot."
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"You were just pretending not to understand English."
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"You can't file off the Reverend's pinky corn"
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"if you don't know what it is."
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"Yes, but of all the indignities of being here,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"the worst was living with three teenage girls."
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"All the drama,"
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"all the little stupid little clapping games."
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"Spanish was my life raft"
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"in an ocean of white girl bull..."
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"Hold the pickles!"
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"Why didn't you testify against the Reverend in English?"
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"Oh, my golly."
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"We wouldn't even be here right now."
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"Look, I've got mole sauce to sell."
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"You did it because of money?"
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"I'm Tia Donna Maria, guys."
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"That's my brand."
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"I can't speak English."
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"Just like Chef Boyardee cannot let the world know"
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"he's actually a super gay Persian guy."
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"Unbelievable."
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"You're using the Mole Women name to sell your sauce?"
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"We should sue you."
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"Que?"
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"No hablo Ingles."
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"We're never getting out of here!"
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"You can just throw those in the back."
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"Oh, yeah?"
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"Open door."
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"Oh, it's pull."
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"What do you think you're doing?"
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"Uh, you got to drive."
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"I'm a born-and-bred New Yorker."
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"If I want to go somewhere,"
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"I skitch behind a bus or call an ambulance."
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"But I haven't driven since..."
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"I don't know when."
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"A car?"
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"Tubular."
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"Wait, no, Jackie Lynn."
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"We can't afford a new car."
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"That's a key to my old tractor."
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"One day this ranch is gonna be yours."
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"But I don't want this ranch."
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"I don't want to raise a bunch of giant, fluffy dogs."
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"Those are buffalo."
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"She gets this from your side of the family."
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"Hey, even my white grandfather knows what a damn buffalo is."
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"I want a car, like an American kid."
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"Or Gizmo from Gremlins."
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"- You want to be Gizmo? - That's a Barbie car."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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