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Clips from Crackerjack

"Vanquished the enemy."
Crackerjack
"And he told his men- this is true, son-"
Crackerjack
"“we've still got time to finish this game,"
Crackerjack
"“and beat the spaniard too.”"
Crackerjack
"Some people say he lost the game, son."
Crackerjack
"But I like to think that he won the game,"
Crackerjack
"and won the battle at sea too,"
Crackerjack
"because the great sir Francis Drake"
Crackerjack
"didn't understand the meaning of the word 'defeat'."
Crackerjack
"Jack, have you seen len and Stan?"
Crackerjack
"In there somewhere, Eileen,"
Crackerjack
"but careful, it's a real pea souper."
Crackerjack
"Legs 11."
Crackerjack
"New bingo master. Dave."
Crackerjack
"Asked him for a favour, and I think he's enjoying himself."
Crackerjack
"Dave: 88 - two fat ladies."
Crackerjack
"Congratulations to the fundraising committee, Eileen."
Crackerjack
"Bingo. Who'd have thought?"
Crackerjack
"It's a start, Stan."
Crackerjack
"Dave: 17 - heads full of brylcreem."
Crackerjack
"How's the other thing going?"
Crackerjack
"I've entered us in the men's fours tournament,"
Crackerjack
"starting next week."
Crackerjack
"Men's fours? We can hardly field a team."
Crackerjack
"It's the only tournament on the horizon"
Crackerjack
"offering the right kind of prize money."
Crackerjack
"Dave: 27..."
Crackerjack
"I've got a mate called bevan."
Crackerjack
"Who's running it?"
Crackerjack
"Four-round knockout. Winner takes all."
Crackerjack
"Bernie Fowler."
Crackerjack
"That shifty twerp?"
Crackerjack
"He'd still be sniffing around here"
Crackerjack
"if he wasn't barred from the premises."
Crackerjack
"10 - stab me in the eye with a ballpoint pen."
Crackerjack
"Hey, take it easy, mate."
Crackerjack
"Crikey."
Crackerjack
"Bernie Fowler wouldn't give us a wave if he owned the ocean."
Crackerjack
"Look what he did to his own club, bogarra. Disgusting."
Crackerjack
"The Buckingham Palace of bowls turned into a pokies slum."
Crackerjack
"44 - two fat whores."
Crackerjack
"Woman: Beg your pardon?"
Crackerjack
"You liked the two fat ladies."
Crackerjack
"Bingo."
Crackerjack
"Exactly what I wanted to hear."
Crackerjack
"No, thank you."
Crackerjack
"Music of the gods."
Crackerjack
"How's it going out there?"
Crackerjack
"Anyone winning? No."
Crackerjack
"Not a cracker."
Crackerjack
"Well, there's a bombshell."
Crackerjack
"Guess what. Cityside have entered my tournament."
Crackerjack
"You know what that means, don't you?"
Crackerjack
"It means they're up shit creek, financially speaking."
Crackerjack
"As you know,"
Crackerjack
"normally I'd like to welcome them aboard myself personally,"
Crackerjack
"but sadly, on this occasion,"
Crackerjack
"they've got a restraining order out against me,"
Crackerjack
"so this is where you gentlemen come in."
Crackerjack
"Happy to help in any way, mr Fowler."
Crackerjack
"Jack Simpson. That must be the one."
Crackerjack
"Here's a special assignment for you, boys."
Crackerjack
"Find out what his story is."
Crackerjack
"Mandy on tape: Or you can use"
Crackerjack
"our virtual customer service centre."
Crackerjack
"You can pay bills online and check your balance."
Crackerjack
"Just go to our website and click on 'online billing'."
Crackerjack
"Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Crackerjack
"Now, what's so good about that call"
Crackerjack
"is that she mentions the vcsc, improved her terminology"
Crackerjack
"and took ownership of the call."
Crackerjack
"Mmm."
Crackerjack
"Now, I'm going to give that an 85.71%."
Crackerjack
"Hmm?"
Crackerjack
"What did we all think of that call?"
Crackerjack
"Woman: Good."
Crackerjack
"Personally, I don't think she did enough"
Crackerjack
"to service the customer's needs."
Crackerjack
"I mean, the customer is king."
Crackerjack
"Go on, Jack."
Crackerjack
"It also struck me as unnecessarily long,"
Crackerjack
"especially when you consider we are trying"
Crackerjack
"to keep average call times to under 12 seconds per call,"
Crackerjack
"which we need to do if we are going to meet our target quota."
Crackerjack
"Is that right, Jack? Yep."
Crackerjack
"Well, why don't we listen to one of your calls?"
Crackerjack
"Excellent idea."
Crackerjack
"Recording: Good afternoon. My name is Jack Simpson."
Crackerjack
"And you are a good-for-nothing layabout. Ha ha!"
Crackerjack
"Dave: Hi, Jack. How's it going? Shithouse."
Crackerjack
"I had this idiot on the line going on and on,"
Crackerjack
"so I said, “blow it out your arse.”"
Crackerjack
"Still on for later? Yeah."
Crackerjack
"I'll see you at the bowls club."
Crackerjack
"I've told our dumbfuck supervisor"
Crackerjack
"I've got a migraine coming on, so I'll get the arvo off."
Crackerjack
"Ha hal"
Crackerjack
"maybe a little long,"
Crackerjack
"but otherwise I'd give it an... 85.21%."
Crackerjack
"Hmm. You're fired, Simpson."
Crackerjack
"How do we all feel about that? Get out."
Crackerjack
"This car park taken, is it? Who wants to know?"
Crackerjack
"Not a bad little money-spinner, one of these car parks."
Crackerjack
"Could be."
Crackerjack
"Imagine if you had, say, three of them."
Crackerjack
"See, I've been doing a bit of research about this club."
Crackerjack
"Lovely club. Huge fan of the club."
Crackerjack
"I noticed there are three members of this club"
Crackerjack
"all registered at exactly the same postal address."
Crackerjack
"Is that right?"
Crackerjack
"I like your style, Jack."
Crackerjack
"You remind me a bit of myself as a young bloke."
Crackerjack
"Pretty sure we'll be able to come to an arrangement"
Crackerjack
"when I take over the club."
Crackerjack
"You seem pretty confident about that."
Crackerjack
"Ooh, yeah. Yeah, I'm confident."
Crackerjack
"You know cityside can't win this tournament, don't you?"
Crackerjack
"They're not a bad outfit, cityside."
Crackerjack
"They can't win the tournament, Jack."
Crackerjack
"I only run these things"
Crackerjack
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