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Clips from Workaholics (2011) - The Future Is Gnar (S03E03)

"Say yes now and receive a case"
Workaholics (2011)
"of premium Canadian sausage for only $39.99."
Workaholics (2011)
"Daddy, would you like some sausage?"
Workaholics (2011)
"- Yes. - Magnificent."
Workaholics (2011)
"Now please enter your credit card info using your touch-tone phone."
Workaholics (2011)
"And there you have it."
Workaholics (2011)
"Telecom intelligence negotiating algorithm, or "Tina,""
Workaholics (2011)
"gives callers two offers in a variety of celebrity voices,"
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"as you just heard."
Workaholics (2011)
"Tom Green? You should have got Scott Caan."
Workaholics (2011)
"- Shut up, he's a huge celebrity. - Whoa, watch it. Yeah."
Workaholics (2011)
"Someone needs to put a muzzle on him,"
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"- 'cause I hate you. - Uh, real question."
Workaholics (2011)
"If Tina is making the calls, why are we here?"
Workaholics (2011)
"Well, if Tina doesn't make the sale within the first two offers, then..."
Workaholics (2011)
"Oh, I get it."
Workaholics (2011)
"Then we come in and clean bat up."
Workaholics (2011)
"'Cause this cold machine lacks the soft touch of a human..."
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"touching a machine."
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"It lacks human error."
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"And Tina persists where you would feel intrusive."
Workaholics (2011)
"Okay, so what's the catch?"
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"Well, if Tina does make the sale"
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"before your assistance is needed,"
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"you don't get the commission."
Workaholics (2011)
"- Just your hourly. - What?"
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"Is this a joke?"
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"Uh, you know, I-I get it."
Workaholics (2011)
"Gonna be less work for us, and we're still getting paid hourly."
Workaholics (2011)
"Exactly, thank you, stretch."
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"No, you don't get it!"
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"This is just the beginning, guys."
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"All right, if we let these machines take our jobs,"
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"next... next, they're gonna take everything."
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"Okay, Blake, you're overreacting."
Workaholics (2011)
"Overreacting?"
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"I'm pretty sure that I'm underreacting right now."
Workaholics (2011)
"Just imagine a future..."
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"Where robots replace humans,"
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"evolving to be faster, smarter, and just way more freaking doper."
Workaholics (2011)
"Where humans become obsolete,"
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"and they're forced by their ruler, Tina,"
Workaholics (2011)
"to undergo a cyborg surgery known as orientation."
Workaholics (2011)
"And it'll only be a matter of time"
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"before they come for us all."
Workaholics (2011)
"Congrats, your bum will soon be on your very own Swedish massage chair."
Workaholics (2011)
"Now please enter your credit card info"
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"using your touch-tone phone."
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"- Swedish. - Wow."
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"Cool."
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"Another sale stolen by Tina."
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"And another one of our commission checks stuffed into the pockets"
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"of Tina's real comfortable cyber wranglers."
Workaholics (2011)
"Oh, yeah, just face it."
Workaholics (2011)
"Tom Green is Freddy-got- finger-raping us all day."
Workaholics (2011)
"- Yeah. - Oh, dude, check this out."
Workaholics (2011)
"Look what I snuck past the last merry maids sweep."
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"Thank God."
Workaholics (2011)
"That huff, huff... Huffy white heat."
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"- Huff! Huff! - Except for it's not hot."
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"- It's actually very cold, so... - It's cold."
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"Just be careful with it, all right?"
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"- Pretty cool, I guess. - Yeah."
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"- Ooh!"
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"- That's crispy. - That's a nimbus cloud in there."
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"I've actually done so much of this stuff,"
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"I don't even think it really affects my brain anymore."
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"Is that right?"
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"Hey, but don't hog it all."
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"I know it's gonna sizzle-fry my brain,"
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"but, I'm sorry, this whole impending doom thing"
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"is really getting to me, so if I could just have"
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"a huff of the hot... uh... The heat?"
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"Well, you know, it's..."
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"Just abandon all hope here."
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"- What the heck? What'd you do, man? - I didn't do anything."
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"Mm."
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"We didn't do anything!"
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"Good. That's the way I like it."
Workaholics (2011)
"But that's all about to change."
Workaholics (2011)
"So, you've finally come"
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"to have me slave away in your vagina,"
Workaholics (2011)
"as your sex slave."
Workaholics (2011)
"That's fine."
Workaholics (2011)
"I'll have sex with you."
Workaholics (2011)
"But I will never love you, Alice."
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"I will never love you!"
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"Step aside, you troll."
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"Oh, good one: Troll."
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"- Yeah, right. - I'm here for Blake."
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"Oh, 'cause of his hair? 'Cause you're into trolls?"
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"No. Because it's time for his orientation."
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"Oh, fuck, sorry."
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"Alice, please, I haven't even lived yet, all right?"
Workaholics (2011)
"I didn't even get to try Carl's Jr.'s CrissCut fries."
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"- Seriously? - Yeah, you know. I'm an onion ring guy."
Workaholics (2011)
"Montez, Waymond, no! Don't!"
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"- Take me instead! - Yeah, take him instead."
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"I understand that Tina's what's best for T.A.C."
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"and I'm ready."
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"I'm ready to become..."
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"an Oriental."
Workaholics (2011)
"No!"
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"Sorry."
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"Strap him to the table."
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"I can't be a cyborg, man."
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"They don't even have any cool... they're just idiots."
Workaholics (2011)
"They just have metal in their brains."
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"If you had, like, a laser dick, then, yeah, I'd be a cyborg."
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"But there's nothing enticing me."
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"Look, this is what we gotta do. We gotta go save Ders"
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"and get the hell outta this hell, all right?"
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"Yeah, where are we gonna go, Blake?"
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"I don't know. Let's freaking feivel it."
Workaholics (2011)
"- Let's go west. - To the ocean?"
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"Sh-yeah, right."
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"I'm not an ocean dog, okay?"
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"I'm a city cat."
Workaholics (2011)
"All right, fine. Let me think of another direction."
Workaholics (2011)
"- East. - Yes."
Workaholics (2011)
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