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Clips from Silicon Valley - The Cap Table (S01E01)

"- Oh, hi. Hi, Big Head. - Hey."
Silicon Valley
"How's it going?"
Silicon Valley
"It's... super good... Right now."
Silicon Valley
"Um, I'm just going to maybe go for a bike ride real fast"
Silicon Valley
"and clear my... head."
Silicon Valley
"I'll see... you."
Silicon Valley
"- Bike safe. - Yeah, enjoy it."
Silicon Valley
"That was nice, guys. He heard everything."
Silicon Valley
"That doesn't make it not true."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, come on, Richard. As far as Pied Piper is concerned,"
Silicon Valley
"he's as pointless as Mass Effect 3's multiple endings."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, he's a completely useless appendage and we all know it."
Silicon Valley
"- Oh, hey, man. - Forgot my water bottle."
Silicon Valley
"Just gonna grab it, and then probably walk right back through one more time."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, Mass Effect 3? Harsh."
Silicon Valley
"I didn't mean for him to hear it but it was true."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, we all called him a great guy but he didn't overhear any of that."
Silicon Valley
"It's been 12 hours."
Silicon Valley
"Goddamn. He's still not answering."
Silicon Valley
"[Stammering] I'm actually kind of worried about him."
Silicon Valley
"You know, if he's gone, like, really truly gone,"
Silicon Valley
"in a way that kind of solves your problem."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, like, if he's dead..."
Silicon Valley
"Are you trying to say that Big Head might be dead?"
Silicon Valley
"That doesn't help at all. How is that helping?"
Silicon Valley
"I'm just saying that that's a possible thing that could've happened to him."
Silicon Valley
"It could happen to anybody. And in this case, at least something good came out of it."
Silicon Valley
"What's the good part?"
Silicon Valley
"You don't have to have an awkward conversation."
Silicon Valley
"That's scary. Should we go look for him?"
Silicon Valley
"I mean, I agree with these guys. Jared's just not working out."
Silicon Valley
"- What? - Um, Richard..."
Silicon Valley
"I, uh, don't wanna be too assertive here"
Silicon Valley
"but I could use your input on a few things for the business plan."
Silicon Valley
"Richie, you tried your best just call him, leave a message, say he's out."
Silicon Valley
"No, that's an asshole move."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, remember? You need to be an asshole."
Silicon Valley
"I feel bad about saying that thing about him being dead."
Silicon Valley
"That's not who I am."
Silicon Valley
"[Alarm blaring]"
Silicon Valley
"- Wait, what is that? - That's impossible."
Silicon Valley
"NipAlert isn't live yet."
Silicon Valley
"Maybe he's demoing it for someone."
Silicon Valley
"Mochacino."
Silicon Valley
"He rode his bike to San Jose?"
Silicon Valley
"Jared, can I borrow your car?"
Silicon Valley
"- Sure. - I have a car."
Silicon Valley
"What... What's wrong with my car?"
Silicon Valley
"I just have... I don't know."
Silicon Valley
"All right, well, remember to be an asshole."
Silicon Valley
"A real asshole."
Silicon Valley
"Hi, I'm Richard Hendricks. You did a dance... The dancing at my house."
Silicon Valley
"Your ride's here."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, hey, man."
Silicon Valley
"- Hey. - Mushroom stamp!"
Silicon Valley
"No, come on, dude, not..."
Silicon Valley
"I just wanted to work with computers and get paid for it."
Silicon Valley
"I didn't want end up fighting with my roommates over percentage points."
Silicon Valley
"So you're just gonna give up?"
Silicon Valley
"On what? This isn't home."
Silicon Valley
"As much as I've tried, it's just not."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, what would've I have even done if I didn't have Mochacino's card?"
Silicon Valley
"Where would I have gone? It's fucking pathetic."
Silicon Valley
"Well, Mochacino seemed to like you. She let you into her apartment."
Silicon Valley
"I had to give her my bike. She's just like everyone else in this goddamn Valley."
Silicon Valley
"Watching the bottom line. Fuck it, dude. I'm done here."
Silicon Valley
"What about NipAlert?"
Silicon Valley
"Mochacino shows her tits for a living and even she was uncomfortable using it."
Silicon Valley
"She said it was sexist. She's right. It's actually perverted."
Silicon Valley
"I made a perverted, sexist, useless thing."
Silicon Valley
"And, you know, everybody's right, man,"
Silicon Valley
"there's nothing for me to do on Pied Piper."
Silicon Valley
"I think over time, maybe we could redefine your role."
Silicon Valley
"Come on, dude. Unless you can tell me right now what I can do for Pied Piper"
Silicon Valley
"that no one else can, I'm gone."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah."
Silicon Valley
"I'm going to go get the stuff out of my cube at Hooli"
Silicon Valley
"and then I'm getting the hell out of this town."
Silicon Valley
"So this is goodbye then?"
Silicon Valley
"I mean, I'll see you back at the house, man. I gotta, like, pack and stuff."
Silicon Valley
"Totally."
Silicon Valley
"I'm going to take the train I think, just... Do some thinking..."
Silicon Valley
"Ok, all right, see ya."
Silicon Valley
"- The train is this way... I just... - Oh. I was gonna say."
Silicon Valley
"Big Head..."
Silicon Valley
"Whatever shit you're about to dump on my head, you can save it, ok? I'm not in the mood."
Silicon Valley
"Dude, I just wanted to tell you that Gavin Belson wants to talk to you about something."
Silicon Valley
"- Oh, ok. Fuck you. - No. Seriously."
Silicon Valley
"Gavin Belson said he wants to speak to Nelson Bighetti?"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, that's what I just said."
Silicon Valley
"Come on."
Silicon Valley
"Ok."
Silicon Valley
"I'm awake! I'm awake."
Silicon Valley
"- What? - No, no, I wasn't."
Silicon Valley
"I was sleeping. I'm sorry for sleeping and for lying about it."
Silicon Valley
"For both. No good."
Silicon Valley
"What happened? Did you fire Big Head?"
Silicon Valley
"Uh, no. Not yet. I don't know. Sort of."
Silicon Valley
"So do I include him in the cap table or not? It's basically good to go."
Silicon Valley
"Uh... no, he's out. Uh, wait... I don't know."
Silicon Valley
"Actually, I just need to close my eyes for a little bit. Ok?"
Silicon Valley
"Richard, it's t-minus four hours until presentation time."
Silicon Valley
"Are you gonna fire Big Head or not?"
Silicon Valley
"I don't know. Uh... I'm just very tired."
Silicon Valley
"Ok? I'm just gonna go get some water..."
Silicon Valley
"Richard, stop being a fucking pussy and start being an asshole."
Silicon Valley
"[Door opens]"
Silicon Valley
"Fine! You want me to be an asshole, I'll be an asshole."
Silicon Valley
"I'll be an asshole to you and you and you and you and Peter-fucking-Gregory!"
Silicon Valley
"Ok? Fuck all of you. Big Head stays!"
Silicon Valley
"You know, if I wanted to be a sell out I'd have done that already."
Silicon Valley
"I'd be on a beach somewhere with ten million dollars in my pocket."
Silicon Valley
"Not in my pocket, in a bank account."
Silicon Valley
"Ok? This is my company. It was my idea and we do what I say."
Silicon Valley
"And what I say is, Jared, put Big Head in the business plan."
Silicon Valley
"He gets the same amount of shares as everybody else."
Silicon Valley
"Big Head, you're not going home, man."
Silicon Valley
"You're right. I'm not."
Silicon Valley
"Gavin Belson just offered me a huge promotion"
Silicon Valley
"for 600 grand a year to steal me away from you guys."
Silicon Valley
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