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Clips from Seinfeld - The Puffy Shirt (S05E05)

"- Yeah. - Hi, Kramer. I just saw Bryant Gumbel."
Seinfeld
"- He said he might help at the benefit. - Great."
Seinfeld
"- What is that? - It's the puffy shirt. Look at it, huh?"
Seinfeld
"What do you think? Is it cool or what?"
Seinfeld
"- Why are you wearing this now? - Why am I wearing it now?"
Seinfeld
"I'll tell you why I'm wearing it now."
Seinfeld
"Because the low-talker asked me to, that's why."
Seinfeld
"And I said yes. Do you know why? Because I couldn't hear her."
Seinfeld
"When did she-? When did she ask you this?"
Seinfeld
"At dinner, when Kramer went to the bathroom."
Seinfeld
"- I didn't hear anything. - Of course not!"
Seinfeld
"Nobody hears anything when this woman speaks."
Seinfeld
"Well, you can't wear that on the show."
Seinfeld
"- Elaine, you wanna stop it? - What-?"
Seinfeld
"What? No, Jerry, you are promoting a benefit..."
Seinfeld
"...to clothe homeless people."
Seinfeld
"You can't come out dressed like that."
Seinfeld
"You're all puffed up."
Seinfeld
"You look like the Count of Monte Cristo."
Seinfeld
"I have to wear it. The woman has orders for this shirt..."
Seinfeld
"- ...based on me wearing it on TV. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"They're producing them as we speak."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, but you're supposed to be a compassionate person..."
Seinfeld
"...that cares about poor people."
Seinfeld
"You look like you're gonna swing in on a chandelier."
Seinfeld
"Okay, let's go."
Seinfeld
"Is that what you're wearing?"
Seinfeld
"I've never seen hands like these before."
Seinfeld
"They're so soft and milky white."
Seinfeld
"You know whose hands they remind me of?"
Seinfeld
"Ray McKigney."
Seinfeld
"- Ray. - He was it."
Seinfeld
"Who was he?"
Seinfeld
"The most exquisite hands you've ever seen."
Seinfeld
"Oh, he had it all."
Seinfeld
"What happened to him?"
Seinfeld
"Tragic story, I'm afraid."
Seinfeld
"He could've had any woman in the world..."
Seinfeld
"...but none could match the beauty of his own hand."
Seinfeld
"And that became his one true love."
Seinfeld
"- You mean... - Yes."
Seinfeld
"He was not master of his domain."
Seinfeld
"- But how...? - The muscles..."
Seinfeld
"...became so strained with overuse..."
Seinfeld
"...that eventually the hand locked into a deformed position..."
Seinfeld
"...and he was left with nothing but a claw."
Seinfeld
"He traveled the world seeking a cure."
Seinfeld
"Acupuncturists, herbalists, swamis."
Seinfeld
"Nothing helped."
Seinfeld
"Towards the end, his hands became so frozen..."
Seinfeld
"...he was unable to manipulate utensils..."
Seinfeld
"...and was dependent on Cub Scouts to feed him."
Seinfeld
"I hadn't seen another pair of hands like Ray McKigney's until today."
Seinfeld
"You are his successor."
Seinfeld
"I only hope you have a little more self-control."
Seinfeld
"You don't have to worry about me."
Seinfeld
"I won a contest."
Seinfeld
"Okay, let's get to work."
Seinfeld
"Back now, 7:46. On Tuesday the 19th, here in New York..."
Seinfeld
"...there'll be a benefit for Goodwill Industries..."
Seinfeld
"...a used-clothing organization that provides services to the needy."
Seinfeld
"One of the performers will be Jerry Seinfeld."
Seinfeld
"- Jerry, good morning. - Thank you, Bryant."
Seinfeld
"Speaking of clothing, that is a very, very unusual shirt you have on."
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"You're all kind of- Kind of puffed up."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah, it's a puffy shirt. - You look kind of like a pirate."
Seinfeld
"Like a pirate."
Seinfeld
"Anyway, you know, we're hoping to raise enough money-"
Seinfeld
"Do you know-? You know- Look, I'm sorry, it is just a very unusual shirt."
Seinfeld
"It could be a whole new look for you. You could put a patch over an eye."
Seinfeld
"- You could be the pirate comedian. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- Will you wear the puffy shirt at the-? - Look, it's not my shirt."
Seinfeld
"- Whose shirt is it? - What's the difference?"
Seinfeld
"I agreed to wear it."
Seinfeld
"It's a puffy shirt. I feel ridiculous in it."
Seinfeld
"I think it's the stupidest shirt I've ever seen, to be perfectly honest with you."
Seinfeld
"You bastard!"
Seinfeld
"- Did you hear that? - That I heard."
Seinfeld
"All right, a little to the left."
Seinfeld
"Little higher. Good, perfect."
Seinfeld
"- Like that? - Just like that. Hold it. Good."
Seinfeld
"Okay, let me get one more. One more. Good."
Seinfeld
"That's it. You're done."
Seinfeld
"- That's it? - That's it."
Seinfeld
"And here's your check."
Seinfeld
"Thank you very much. It was an honor."
Seinfeld
"Thank you."
Seinfeld
"It was great working with you. Your hands are beautiful."
Seinfeld
"Thank you very much."
Seinfeld
"You know, I was wondering..."
Seinfeld
"...if you're not doing anything later, maybe you'd like to get together."
Seinfeld
"You ruined me! You ruined my career!"
Seinfeld
"Oh, just keep your voice down, everyone can hear you."
Seinfeld
"Well, I don't give a damn!"
Seinfeld
"If you talked this loud to begin with, I wouldn't be in this costume."
Seinfeld
"Hey, hey. You can't believe this. Look at this check."
Seinfeld
"They said I had the most beautiful hands they ever saw..."
Seinfeld
"...except for this McKigney guy. This girl gave me her number. I got it all."
Seinfeld
"I'm busting. Jerry, I'm busting."
Seinfeld
"I've never noticed your hands before, let me see."
Seinfeld
"All right."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Real nice."
Seinfeld
"Nice shirt."
Seinfeld
"What is this? Is this what you wore on the show?"
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. - Have you completely lost your mind?"
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Who's dressing you?"
Seinfeld
"You look like a complete idiot."
Seinfeld
"I wouldn't wipe my-"
Seinfeld
"- You ready? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Hot, hot."
Seinfeld
"- I'm sorry. - McKigney had a few good years."
Seinfeld
"How do you forget to turn off an iron?"
Seinfeld
"I was excited Jerry was putting on the puffy shirt."
Seinfeld
"My whole life is ruined because of the puffy shirt."
Seinfeld
"It didn't do me any good either. That benefit was the worst show I ever did."
Seinfeld
"Some of those heckles were really uncalled for."
Seinfeld
""Avast ye, matey"? What the hell does that mean?"
Seinfeld
""Twenty degrees off the starboard side."
Seinfeld
"It's a Spanish galleon." There's no comeback for that."
Seinfeld
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