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Clips from Seinfeld - The Puffy Shirt (S05E05)

TV Series 1989–1998 Season 5, Episode 2 22 min ★ 8.8/10 (390,457 ratings) 378 clips
Comedy
There's no way that moving in with your parents...
"There's no way that moving in with your parents..."
Seinfeld
...is a sign that your life is right on track.
"...is a sign that your life is right on track."
Seinfeld
There's no way that you could fake this even.
"There's no way that you could fake this even."
Seinfeld
"Things are great. I met a terrific girl, I got a great job...
""Things are great. I met a terrific girl, I got a great job..."
Seinfeld
...and if everything goes according to plan...
"...and if everything goes according to plan..."
Seinfeld
...I'm gonna be moving back in with my parents soon."
"...I'm gonna be moving back in with my parents soon.""
Seinfeld
It's like getting busted on a parole violation...
"It's like getting busted on a parole violation..."
Seinfeld
...and thrown back into the slammer.
"...and thrown back into the slammer."
Seinfeld
"In the opinion of the board, you need further rehabilitation, I'm afraid."
""In the opinion of the board, you need further rehabilitation, I'm afraid.""
Seinfeld
And you go back into that little room of yours, you feel so huge.
"And you go back into that little room of yours, you feel so huge."
Seinfeld
It's like you could take your bed and just crush it in your hands.
"It's like you could take your bed and just crush it in your hands."
Seinfeld
You can hold your parents between your fingers.
"You can hold your parents between your fingers."
Seinfeld
"Why was I so afraid of you people when I was growing up?"
""Why was I so afraid of you people when I was growing up?""
Seinfeld
- I can't believe this. - It won't be for that long.
"- I can't believe this. - It won't be for that long."
Seinfeld
How can I do this? How can I move back in with those people?
"How can I do this? How can I move back in with those people?"
Seinfeld
Please, tell me. They're insane, you know that.
"Please, tell me. They're insane, you know that."
Seinfeld
Hey, my parents are as crazy as your parents.
"Hey, my parents are as crazy as your parents."
Seinfeld
How can you compare your parents to mine?
"How can you compare your parents to mine?"
Seinfeld
My father has never thrown anything out ever.
"My father has never thrown anything out ever."
Seinfeld
My father wears his sneakers in the pool. Sneakers.
"My father wears his sneakers in the pool. Sneakers."
Seinfeld
My mother has never set foot in a natural body of water.
"My mother has never set foot in a natural body of water."
Seinfeld
Listen carefully.
"Listen carefully."
Seinfeld
My mother has never laughed.
"My mother has never laughed."
Seinfeld
Ever. Not a giggle, not a chuckle, not a tee-hee.
"Ever. Not a giggle, not a chuckle, not a tee-hee."
Seinfeld
Never went, "Ha."
"Never went, "Ha.""
Seinfeld
- A smirk? - Maybe.
"- A smirk? - Maybe."
Seinfeld
- And I'm moving back in there. - I'll lend you the money for the rent.
"- And I'm moving back in there. - I'll lend you the money for the rent."
Seinfeld
No, no, no. Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex.
"No, no, no. Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex."
Seinfeld
It just completely changes the relationship.
"It just completely changes the relationship."
Seinfeld
- Hey. - Hey.
"- Hey. - Hey."
Seinfeld
All right, I'm ready.
"All right, I'm ready."
Seinfeld
I still don't understand. Why do you want to move back with your parents?
"I still don't understand. Why do you want to move back with your parents?"
Seinfeld
I don't want to. I'm out of money. I got $714 in the bank.
"I don't want to. I'm out of money. I got $714 in the bank."
Seinfeld
- Well, move in here. - What's that?
"- Well, move in here. - What's that?"
Seinfeld
Why doesn't he just move in here?
"Why doesn't he just move in here?"
Seinfeld
Yeah, I'll move in with him. He doesn't let you use the toilet.
"Yeah, I'll move in with him. He doesn't let you use the toilet."
Seinfeld
You can move in with me if you want.
"You can move in with me if you want."
Seinfeld
Thank you. I...
"Thank you. I..."
Seinfeld
That might not work out.
"That might not work out."
Seinfeld
Careful. Careful with the suitcases. We just painted.
"Careful. Careful with the suitcases. We just painted."
Seinfeld
- Hello, Mrs. Costanza. - Hello, Kramer.
"- Hello, Mrs. Costanza. - Hello, Kramer."
Seinfeld
- Close the door. - I gotta bring in more stuff.
"- Close the door. - I gotta bring in more stuff."
Seinfeld
- More stuff? How much is there? - There's more.
"- More stuff? How much is there? - There's more."
Seinfeld
- So how are you, Jerry? - Fine, Mrs. Costanza.
"- So how are you, Jerry? - Fine, Mrs. Costanza."
Seinfeld
- Hey, I got a terrific joke for you. - I'm not interested.
"- Hey, I got a terrific joke for you. - I'm not interested."
Seinfeld
No, no. It's really funny.
"No, no. It's really funny."
Seinfeld
- There's these two guy- - Tell it to the audience.
"- There's these two guy- - Tell it to the audience."
Seinfeld
Here, I made some bologna sandwiches.
"Here, I made some bologna sandwiches."
Seinfeld
Bologna? Nobody eats bologna anymore.
"Bologna? Nobody eats bologna anymore."
Seinfeld
What are you talking about? Have a sandwich.
"What are you talking about? Have a sandwich."
Seinfeld
- No, thanks. - Oh, stop it.
"- No, thanks. - Oh, stop it."
Seinfeld
- You don't want one, Kramer? - No, thanks.
"- You don't want one, Kramer? - No, thanks."
Seinfeld
I think you're all a little touched in the head.
"I think you're all a little touched in the head."
Seinfeld
You're so worried about your health? You're young men.
"You're so worried about your health? You're young men."
Seinfeld
- I really don't eat it. - What will I do with these sandwiches?
"- I really don't eat it. - What will I do with these sandwiches?"
Seinfeld
Will you take them home, give them to someone in your building?
"Will you take them home, give them to someone in your building?"
Seinfeld
I don't feel comfortable handing out bologna sandwiches in the building.
"I don't feel comfortable handing out bologna sandwiches in the building."
Seinfeld
- All right. That's it. Anything else? - No, that's it.
"- All right. That's it. Anything else? - No, that's it."
Seinfeld
- I gotta go move the car. - Well, I guess we'll be going.
"- I gotta go move the car. - Well, I guess we'll be going."
Seinfeld
- What, you're going? - Yeah.
"- What, you're going? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
Well, what are you doing later?
"Well, what are you doing later?"
Seinfeld
Elaine and I are having dinner with Kramer and his new girlfriend.
"Elaine and I are having dinner with Kramer and his new girlfriend."
Seinfeld
- Really? - Yeah. You can't believe this woman.
"- Really? - Yeah. You can't believe this woman."
Seinfeld
She's one of these low-talkers. You can't hear a word.
"She's one of these low-talkers. You can't hear a word."
Seinfeld
You're always going, "Excuse me? What was that?"
"You're always going, "Excuse me? What was that?""
Seinfeld
- Maybe I'll meet you. - No, George.
"- Maybe I'll meet you. - No, George."
Seinfeld
We're going out to eat tonight with your father.
"We're going out to eat tonight with your father."
Seinfeld
Okay.
"Okay."
Seinfeld
- I'll talk to you later. - Yeah, take it easy.
"- I'll talk to you later. - Yeah, take it easy."
Seinfeld
Oh, my God.
"Oh, my God."
Seinfeld
- Yeah? - I had this idea for a pizza place...
"- Yeah? - I had this idea for a pizza place..."
Seinfeld
- ...where you make your own pie. - Right.
"- ...where you make your own pie. - Right."
Seinfeld
- You remember? - That was a good one.
"- You remember? - That was a good one."
Seinfeld
Well...
"Well..."
Seinfeld
- What's that? - Excuse me?
"- What's that? - Excuse me?"
Seinfeld
- Yeah? Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.
"- Yeah? Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah."
Seinfeld
You know that Leslie's in the clothing business?
"You know that Leslie's in the clothing business?"
Seinfeld
She's a designer.
"She's a designer."
Seinfeld
She's come up with a new one that'll be the big new look in men's fashions.
"She's come up with a new one that'll be the big new look in men's fashions."
Seinfeld
It's, like, a puffy shirt.
"It's, like, a puffy shirt."
Seinfeld
Well, yeah, it's all puffy.
"Well, yeah, it's all puffy."
Seinfeld
Like the pirates used to wear.
"Like the pirates used to wear."
Seinfeld
- Oh, a puffy shirt. - Puffy.
"- Oh, a puffy shirt. - Puffy."
Seinfeld
Yeah. See, I think people wanna look like pirates.
"Yeah. See, I think people wanna look like pirates."
Seinfeld
It's the right time for it.
"It's the right time for it."
Seinfeld
To be all puffy and devil-may-care, you know.
"To be all puffy and devil-may-care, you know."
Seinfeld
Yeah.
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
That's true.
"That's true."
Seinfeld
I'll be right back.
"I'll be right back."
Seinfeld
Jerry's gonna be on the Today show on Friday.
"Jerry's gonna be on the Today show on Friday."
Seinfeld
- Yeah, that's right. - Yep. He's promoting...
"- Yeah, that's right. - Yep. He's promoting..."
Seinfeld
...a benefit for Goodwill.
"...a benefit for Goodwill."
Seinfeld
You know, they clothe the poor and the homeless.
"You know, they clothe the poor and the homeless."
Seinfeld
- And the indigent. - And the indigent, yeah.
"- And the indigent. - And the indigent, yeah."
Seinfeld
I do volunteer work for them. I set the whole thing up and got Jerry to do it.
"I do volunteer work for them. I set the whole thing up and got Jerry to do it."
Seinfeld
- Sure. Yeah. - Oh, yeah.
"- Sure. Yeah. - Oh, yeah."
Seinfeld
Yeah. Yep.
"Yeah. Yep."
Seinfeld
Yep.
"Yep."
Seinfeld
Yep, yep.
"Yep, yep."
Seinfeld
Maybe you should take a civil-service test.
"Maybe you should take a civil-service test."
Seinfeld
- I'm not taking a civil-service test. - Look at this, George.
"- I'm not taking a civil-service test. - Look at this, George."
Seinfeld
You ever seen a silver dollar?
"You ever seen a silver dollar?"
Seinfeld
Yes, I've seen a silver dollar.
"Yes, I've seen a silver dollar."
Seinfeld
Why don't you wanna take a civil-service test?
"Why don't you wanna take a civil-service test?"
Seinfeld
To do what? Work in the post office? Is that what you want me to do?
"To do what? Work in the post office? Is that what you want me to do?"
Seinfeld
Would you believe when I was 18 I had a silver-dollar collection?
"Would you believe when I was 18 I had a silver-dollar collection?"
Seinfeld
I don't understand. You get job security.
"I don't understand. You get job security."
Seinfeld
- You get a paycheck every week. - I'm a college graduate.
"- You get a paycheck every week. - I'm a college graduate."
Seinfeld
You want me to be a mailman?
"You want me to be a mailman?"
Seinfeld
You know, I couldn't bring myself to spend one of these.
"You know, I couldn't bring myself to spend one of these."
Seinfeld
I got some kind of a...
"I got some kind of a..."
Seinfeld
...phobia.
"...phobia."
Seinfeld
- So, what are you gonna do? - I don't know.
"- So, what are you gonna do? - I don't know."
Seinfeld
I do know that I have some kind of a talent, something to offer.
"I do know that I have some kind of a talent, something to offer."
Seinfeld
I just don't know what it is yet.
"I just don't know what it is yet."
Seinfeld
I bet that collection would be worth a lot of money today.
"I bet that collection would be worth a lot of money today."
Seinfeld
Oh, my God.
"Oh, my God."
Seinfeld
I don't like this waiter.
"I don't like this waiter."
Seinfeld
Look at him.
"Look at him."
Seinfeld
He sees us.
"He sees us."
Seinfeld
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