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Clips from Human Resources (2022) - Training Day (S01E01)

"Hello. Human Resources. How may I direct your call?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, I totally get it. My son just left for college too."
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, let me connect you to the Identity Crisis Center. Please hold."
Human Resources (2022)
"Grace, I'm going on my break."
Human Resources (2022)
"I don't get it. Why doesn't Phil just feed himself?"
Human Resources (2022)
"-Oh, hi! -Right there!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Sex in the kitchen again. Yay, fun."
Human Resources (2022)
"The fuckin' show is called Somebody Feed Phil, baby.Oh, shit!"
Human Resources (2022)
"-Oh, whoops. Sorry. Sorry."
Human Resources (2022)
"Every bite with this guy,"
Human Resources (2022)
"it's like he's been on Earth for two whole fucking minutes."
Human Resources (2022)
"He looks like a toddler getting a colonoscopy."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Face or tits, honey? Quick! Face or tits?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Neither. It'll cake in my fur."
Human Resources (2022)
"Or you could not ejaculate in the kitchen at all."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Let's just both blam on the floor. -Here I come!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Okay, I'm just gonna grab my Chinese chicken salad."
Human Resources (2022)
"All right, fine, I'll watch the bloody show."
Human Resources (2022)
"Ah, don't bother. I can already tell you won't like it."
Human Resources (2022)
"You know, Phil Rosenthal created Everybody Loves Raymo--"
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, God!"
Human Resources (2022)
"I slipped in the cum!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh! Oh!"
Human Resources (2022)
"I think I broke six of my--"
Human Resources (2022)
"Seven of my legs!"
Human Resources (2022)
"And my salad is ruined!"
Human Resources (2022)
"How is Jose supposed to answer the goddamn phones now?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, I can still manage."
Human Resources (2022)
"Don't be a fuckin' hero, Jose, let it go to voicemail."
Human Resources (2022)
"Whoa, whoa. What's going on here?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Mona and Gavin were fornicating in the kitchen again"
Human Resources (2022)
"and left a puddle of ejaculate."
Human Resources (2022)
"Excuse me, it was a pile of ejaculate."
Human Resources (2022)
"It looked like an anthill made of mayonnaise."
Human Resources (2022)
"Well, Jose almost died on that anthill."
Human Resources (2022)
"He can't die. He's a super spider."
Human Resources (2022)
"-He's in Sony, he's in Marvel…"
Human Resources (2022)
"I think you're thinking of Spider-Man? I'm just a spider, man."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Jose. Hi. -Hi."
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, shut the fuck up, Jose. Don't be nice to these animals."
Human Resources (2022)
""Animals"? We're not animals."
Human Resources (2022)
"We are monsters. Insatiable, hairy jizz monsters with no boundaries!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Ooh! I wish I could cut off my own cock"
Human Resources (2022)
"so you could strap it on and fuck me with it right now!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Hey, Mona, Gavino, maybe take it down a notch?"
Human Resources (2022)
"I think our coworkers are just looking for a little apology."
Human Resources (2022)
"Okay, fine!"
Human Resources (2022)
"I'm so sorry"
Human Resources (2022)
"Mona and me left a lot of cum on the floor in the office kitchen."
Human Resources (2022)
"-And a teensy bit of urine. -I'm very sorry about my cum."
Human Resources (2022)
"Okay? Everybody happy?"
Human Resources (2022)
"The Archdiocese of Baltimore apologizes better than that."
Human Resources (2022)
"And it's not just Mona and Gavin who should be apologizing, thank you."
Human Resources (2022)
"It's all of you. Todd, roll the fuckin' tape."
Human Resources (2022)
"-You fuck on our mail carts. -Hey, it's your favorite aunt, Grace."
Human Resources (2022)
"Toot, toot! Hot bones coming through!"
Human Resources (2022)
"You fellate each other in our vents and on our desks!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Hey, Gil, you using a different dick shampoo?"
Human Resources (2022)
"-Even the fucking snack machine!"
Human Resources (2022)
"My favorite snack is Beats by Dre headphones at the airport!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Working with you is ruining our fucking lives."
Human Resources (2022)
"Uh, one second. Was that last one my house?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Yes, Jose. We sometimes fuck at your place and watch Starz."
Human Resources (2022)
"Starz with a "Z," baby!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Ugh! That's it. I am calling Corporate."
Human Resources (2022)
"-What? Oh, man! -Corporate?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Those prissy twats wouldn't know a hard dick"
Human Resources (2022)
"if you chased them down the stairwell with it."
Human Resources (2022)
"Ooh, you guys are in trouble!"
Human Resources (2022)
"-You too! You're jerking off right now. -No, I'm not!"
Human Resources (2022)
"-Oh, yes you are. -No, I'm not."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Yes, you are. -No, I'm not!"
Human Resources (2022)
"No, I'm not."
Human Resources (2022)
"Hey, Walter! Okay, I'm taking a survey. Would you rather fart fire or pee ice?"
Human Resources (2022)
"I'll pee ice. Duh!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Wait, why are you here and not with Becca?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, she doesn't need me bothering her right now."
Human Resources (2022)
"She just had a baby."
Human Resources (2022)
"-So, you're avoiding her. -Pssh! No, I'm giving her space."
Human Resources (2022)
"Love is about many things, bug, but "space" is not one of them."
Human Resources (2022)
"Love is smothering like a rogue nurse who's taken mercy into her own hands."
Human Resources (2022)
"Wow. I guess I have a lot to learn about love?"
Human Resources (2022)
"Yeah, no shit."
Human Resources (2022)
"I have an incredible idea."
Human Resources (2022)
"You should learn about love"
Human Resources (2022)
"from the bug who knows the most about love,"
Human Resources (2022)
"and that bug happens to be"
Human Resources (2022)
"-grabbing you by the collar right now."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Are you gonna kill me? -Ooh! Better, honey. I'm gonna teach you!"
Human Resources (2022)
"It's a Lovebug ride-along, bitch."
Human Resources (2022)
"-Let's go! Whoo! -Whoa!"
Human Resources (2022)
"-My spider dick!"
Human Resources (2022)
"Rochelle, do you want to tell me what this is?"
Human Resources (2022)
"An application for the Phoenix Suns credit card our client Doug wants to get?"
Human Resources (2022)
"-Well, yes, that's objectively what it is. -And subjectively?"
Human Resources (2022)
"A bad decision. This is a joke credit card"
Human Resources (2022)
"and the punchline is a lifetime of crushing debt."
Human Resources (2022)
"Ugh, you are such a Logic Rock!"
Human Resources (2022)
"The Connecticut Costco Credit Union"
Human Resources (2022)
"has a perfectly reasonable card and it's not purple."
Human Resources (2022)
"But Doug loves the Phoenix Suns. He's their number one Hartford fan."
Human Resources (2022)
"And if he spends over 30,000 in the first three months,"
Human Resources (2022)
"he earns a full leather varsity Suns jacket. It's so purple."
Human Resources (2022)
"No! Doug needs to be saving money for Donna's engagement ring."
Human Resources (2022)
"That can be the first thing he buys with his new Suns credit card."
Human Resources (2022)
"Look, I know you've achieved"
Human Resources (2022)
"a lot of success in a short amount of time."
Human Resources (2022)
"-And you're classically good-looking… -Mmhmm. I was born this way."
Human Resources (2022)
"-…and people like you. -Boy, stop."
Human Resources (2022)
"But you're mistaking that for being right,"
Human Resources (2022)
"which you're not, you're very, very wrong."
Human Resources (2022)
"This card isn't just irresponsible, it's dumb and purple."
Human Resources (2022)
"Hm. You know what? You're totally right."
Human Resources (2022)
"The Costco card makes much more sense. How did I not see that before?"
Human Resources (2022)
"-So stupid. Ah! -Oh, uh…"
Human Resources (2022)
"Well, don't be too hard on yourself. The print is very tiny."
Human Resources (2022)
"See? That's why we work so well together."
Human Resources (2022)
"I have an idea, and you tell me why it's dumb."
Human Resources (2022)
"I'll go clear this up with Doug. Thank you."
Human Resources (2022)
"Oh, well, de nada. In fact, thank you."
Human Resources (2022)
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