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Clips from HouseBroken (2021) - Who's Going to the Vet? (S01E01)

"‐ It's just that I've been asking him"
HouseBroken (2021)
"for years to join our group‐‐"
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"‐ That must be really frustrating, you know,"
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"that he refuses to join something"
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"that would obviously help you both"
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"and keep you from getting killed in your sleep!"
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"‐ Wonder what they're talking about."
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"‐ You got to help me!"
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"‐ Screw you! ‐ You screw you!"
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"‐ Chief! Stop! What's going on?"
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"‐ Squirrel break! ‐ Ah!"
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"‐ [barks, gasps]"
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"Ah! Get him off me! Get him off me!"
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"Aah! Aah!"
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"‐ Stay still! Try to‐‐"
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"Everyone self‐protect!"
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"‐ Aah! He's in my fur! Get him off me!"
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"[screaming]"
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"[laughter] ‐ I did this."
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"‐ Ah! He's everywhere! I'm covered in squirrel!"
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"‐ Max! Oh, thank God. I thought you were Lindsay."
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"‐ I mean... Just keep walking."
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"I know someone who can send"
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"Lindsay back to Zappos, if you know what I mean."
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"‐ Really? Are you sure?"
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"‐ She has not been gently used. ‐ Trust me."
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"‐ Okay. Who's the fixer? ‐ Me."
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"‐ Well, this is an unexpected turn of events."
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"You sure you can handle it? ‐ [laughs] Can I handle it?"
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"You ever hear about the time"
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"two of those "Stranger Things" kids killed that hiker?"
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"‐ God, no."
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"‐ How about when a certain handsome quarterback"
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"burned down a Jamba Juice? ‐ No."
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"‐ Or when a certain perky morning‐show host"
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"kept the Biebs in her basement for three days?"
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"‐ Not that either. ‐ Exactly."
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"My hooves have been in everything you can imagine,"
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"so, yeah, I can handle your little shoe problem."
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"‐ Well, all right."
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"You should know, I don't condone violence,"
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"but I am aroused by it, so do your worst."
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"‐ I'm regretting this already."
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"‐ I don't understand why you're so mad,"
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"I thought you wanted me in a group."
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"‐ Not a group, my group,"
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"which, on a side note, you completely ruined today."
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"‐ I was wondering. It seemed a little chaotic."
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"Why does it matter whose group I'm in?"
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"‐ Because I know what you need to fix."
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"I can help you be less impulsive,"
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"a better listener, sneeze more quietly‐‐"
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"‐ My group has a word for how you're acting right now,"
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"and it rhymes with fudge‐mental."
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"‐ I can help you with your vocabulary."
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"‐ And this fudgy attitude is exactly why I didn't want"
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"to be in your group."
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"I get enough criticism from you as it is."
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"Well, it's constructive criticism!"
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"I could help you understand the difference!"
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"‐ [groaning]"
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"‐ What? No!"
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"[all growling creepily]"
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"‐ [shouting]"
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"[eerie music]"
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"♪"
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"[gasps]"
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"[grunts]"
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"The Gray One! Help me!"
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"‐ [groans] ‐ [screaming]"
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"‐ All you had to do was join the fun."
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"‐ Turn, touch, step."
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"Oh, no."
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"‐ But, Gray One, we are friends, no?"
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"‐ You're on your own!"
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"‐ [gasps]"
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"I will agree to star in your show"
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"if you let The Gray One back in and stop trying to kill him."
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"‐ We already have our leading lady."
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"‐ I got a DIY face‐lift for this."
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"‐ That's okay. I just want to be one of the gang."
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"I will be chorus cat."
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"‐ You're a kitten again."
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"‐ You can't just get together,"
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"chase squirrels, and call it group."
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"‐ Nice stream. ‐ Oh! Thanks."
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"Uh, yeah, no, I try to, uh, drink"
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"at least two bowls a day so, um..."
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"Yeah, but you don't care about that."
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"‐ Actually, I was wondering‐‐"
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"the pets that meet at your house..."
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"‐ Are not food. ‐ They come to talk, right?"
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"‐ And sometimes I give advice."
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"But, um, they will tear you limb from limb,"
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"so don't even try kidnapping me"
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"and taking me to your mysterious lair."
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"‐ Actually, I just have a question."
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"Is there such a thing as objective morality?"
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"‐ Oh, sorry, is that not the kind of thing you talk about?"
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"‐ You don't have a lair, do you?"
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"[coyote howls in the distance] ‐ [groans]"
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"Now I'm the one being called away."
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"[chuckles] Oh, and by the way,"
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"that squirrel won't be bothering you anymore."
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"‐ Why not? ‐ I killed him. Good night."
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"‐ Screw you, little friend. Screw you."
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"‐ All right, you may want to turn away"
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"while I put Lindsay down for her dirt nap."
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"‐ Do you think it's safe for me to say a few words to her?"
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"‐ Whatever, man."
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"‐ Lindsay, I'm coming closer. Don't try anything."
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"Lindsay, when we met, I was a shell of a tortoise,"
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"but the time we spent together"
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"filled me and my shell with feelings and liquids"
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"that I didn't know were possible."
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"In fact, how about one more‐‐"
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"‐ Okay, that's enough."
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"Now, I'll tell you what I told Meryl"
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"after her one‐night stand"
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"with a certain frosted‐tipped celebrity chef."
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