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Clips from Weeds - He Taught Me How to Drive By (S03E03)

"Silas, don't swear at your brother. Shane, don't antagonise Tara."
Weeds
"Tara, keep saving it for the Lord. Where the fuck's Andy?"
Weeds
"OK, everybody. That's lunch."
Weeds
"Lexington Steele? Oh, pleasure to meet you, sir."
Weeds
"Andy Botwin. Huge fan."
Weeds
"Not huge the way you're huge, admiration huge."
Weeds
"- Thanks, bud. - Hey, I took you in the ass."
Weeds
"Your dildo. The one they had moulded from your dick."
Weeds
"I was with a girl, Israeli, she strapped it on."
Weeds
"To be truthful, for me, too big."
Weeds
"Er, the dildo, not the girl. Gave me a little oose-lay oopie-pay."
Weeds
"- Know what I mean? - What's good on the menu?"
Weeds
"What isn't good? In the style of this house,"
Weeds
"I present you a Mediterranean feast."
Weeds
"Hummus, baba ghanoush, couscous..."
Weeds
"- Got any beef? - Oh, yeah, kebabs right there."
Weeds
"- OK. - So, does beef keep you hard?"
Weeds
"I just like beef."
Weeds
"- Hey. - Oh, ladies, back away."
Weeds
"One stray pube in the tabbouleh, the health department could shut down the whole buffet."
Weeds
"Wait, look at you shaven mavens."
Weeds
"I take it all back, go ahead. Step right up."
Weeds
"- Oh, you're funny. - And cute, for a cook."
Weeds
"- What's up? - Come on in. Close the door."
Weeds
"Fine, but we're keeping the shades open."
Weeds
"Listen, I just had a development get shut down in Phoenix"
Weeds
"because of paperwork issues, and I need for that not to happen here."
Weeds
"Be a doll and legalise my construction crew for me this afternoon."
Weeds
"Look, I know this is not the most kosher thing in the world to do,"
Weeds
"so if you can't do it, I'll just fire you and hire someone who will."
Weeds
"You have no idea how un-kosher I can be."
Weeds
"Oh, well, now I'm intrigued. Tell me more."
Weeds
"Can I do this tomorrow? I have an appointment."
Weeds
"- An appointment? - It's a woman thing."
Weeds
"Oh, well, it always is with you women. OK, tomorrow."
Weeds
"I got lunch."
Weeds
"I figured we'd eat at one of those tables in the courtyard and..."
Weeds
"Oh. Nancy, I only have two sandwiches."
Weeds
"- I'm sorry. - No problem, Celia."
Weeds
"You know, Sullivan, the fastest way to get those referendum signatures"
Weeds
"may be to have Nancy gather them."
Weeds
"She has scads of sales experience."
Weeds
"That's a great idea, Celia."
Weeds
"Yeah, you've got yourself a good little worker here."
Weeds
"I'll be back later."
Weeds
"Dude, if you are fucking with us, that is so not cool..."
Weeds
"Shh! We're rolling."
Weeds
"These are my dishwashers."
Weeds
"Over here."
Weeds
"Be cool."
Weeds
"This is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Why's the black guy wearing a pirate's hat?"
Weeds
"It's called Peckers of the Caribbean."
Weeds
"- He's Captain Jack. Get it? - Not really. Shouldn't they be on a ship?"
Weeds
"There's an anchor."
Weeds
"Urgh."
Weeds
"- Pardon me. - Come on, we're still rolling."
Weeds
"- Come on, keep going. - Still rolling, still rolling."
Weeds
"- Oh, God, oh. - Actually, I need five minutes."
Weeds
"- Oh! - Better make it 10."
Weeds
"Cut. Cut."
Weeds
"Hey."
Weeds
"- How you doing? - Sore."
Weeds
"- Hi, I'm... I'm Dean. - Are you staring at my tits?"
Weeds
"- Paul. Get this fucking creep out of here. - I didn't do anything."
Weeds
"- Jenny. - Fucking pervert."
Weeds
"- I didn't do anything. - Escort Mr. Tits off the property."
Weeds
"I didn't do anything."
Weeds
"Paul, I gotta go home. His food gave me the shits."
Weeds
"Well, I guess we're even."
Weeds
"God damn it. My lead's gone."
Weeds
"This is not good, not good."
Weeds
"Let's do all girls."
Weeds
"Honey, it's called Peckers of the Caribbean."
Weeds
"How are we gonna do a movie about peckers without peckers?"
Weeds
"I'll do it. I recently measured myself and I'm quite large."
Weeds
"Not Lex large, but respectable. And I'm practically a peg leg."
Weeds
"- Fuck you. - Fair enough."
Weeds
"Jenny, this one goes, too."
Weeds
"And you, listen to me. From now on, it's chicken and fucking rice."
Weeds
"If I see anything ethnic on this table, you are fired."
Weeds
"The only thing I want coming out of my actors' asses is a hard dick. Got it?"
Weeds
"Say you love Jesus. Say it."
Weeds
"If I say I love another man, doesn't that make me gay?"
Weeds
"- Do you want to be damned for all eternity? - No, I just want you to go to hell."
Weeds
"- We're trying to save you. - You guys, stop."
Weeds
""Blessed are the peacemakers." Matthew 5:9."
Weeds
"Shane, don't you want to be saved?"
Weeds
"- By you? - Well, only you can decide"
Weeds
"to take Jesus into your heart, but I can help."
Weeds
"We can talk about him, study his word."
Weeds
"Why don't we try it at lunch today?"
Weeds
"- See how it goes. - OK."
Weeds
"Great."
Weeds
"What happened to you?"
Weeds
"Amelia's going to save me."
Weeds
"Amelia."
Weeds
"I'm not sure this is such a good idea."
Weeds
"- You second guessing me, bitch? - No, not at all. Respect."
Weeds
"I'm just... Maybe you shouldn't mention them having shot you or the drive-by."
Weeds
"You know how gangsters can be and their egos and their guns and shivs."
Weeds
"Look, they ain't gonna shoot you in public, so just shut the fuck up."
Weeds
"Hey, it's the brick dance lady."
Weeds
"Yo."
Weeds
"- Give me back our fucking chiva. - Man, I don't got your chiva."
Weeds
"If you let me have the weed trade, you can take everything else. All the hard shit's yours."
Weeds
"I ain't a greedy hard-ass like U-Turn."
Weeds
"- Whoa! - Where's our fucking chiva, pendejo?"
Weeds
"Yo, man, I ain't got it. No. Please."
Weeds
"Know what? Maybe we kill you anyway."
Weeds
"Turn you on a spit."
Weeds
"I can feed a whole fucking country."
Weeds
"- What... What's chiva? - Tigre. Goma. Brea."
Weeds
"- No, no, no, no, no comprende. - Heroin, chelita."
Weeds
"Oh."
Weeds
"No. Now I think I know what he's talking about."
Weeds
"- Maybe. - You got my chapapote?"
Weeds
"Oh, jeez, you have so many names for it."
Weeds
"Yeah, it's kind of like Eskimos and snow. Right?"
Weeds
"You better talk quick before I pop burrito here, querida."
Weeds
"If I knew where it was, your... stuff,"
Weeds
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