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Clips from Weeds - He Taught Me How to Drive By (S03E03)

"Find another town to swallow. Celia can help. She's good at that."
Weeds
"All right, not so fast, fourth grader."
Weeds
"There is a way to bypass the city council on this issue."
Weeds
"If it's put to a referendum, the town can decide."
Weeds
"Referendum. Hell of an idea, Councilwoman Hodes."
Weeds
"- Whore. - Whore."
Weeds
"- Whore. - Whore."
Weeds
"- Ow, ow! - Oops!"
Weeds
"- You did that on purpose. - What's wrong with you people?"
Weeds
"- Whore. - Ms. Hodes knows"
Weeds
"that this is good for Agrestic."
Weeds
"Whatever. Let's get out of here."
Weeds
"- I want to thank you for that. - Hey, that's what friends do."
Weeds
"I don't want to be your friend."
Weeds
"Come home with me."
Weeds
"- What about lunch tomorrow? - I'm not hungry for food."
Weeds
"Well, maybe by then you will be."
Weeds
"So, what does this mean for our debt?"
Weeds
"Are we off the hook?"
Weeds
"Depends on who makes new leader."
Weeds
"Well, how does that work? Is there an election?"
Weeds
"What, you ain't get the ballot?"
Weeds
"There's Marvin, maybe he can shed some light."
Weeds
"Hey, Marvin. How you doing?"
Weeds
"- OK. - I know this must be really hard for you,"
Weeds
"losing your friend, your cuz, which could mean your cousin or not."
Weeds
"I'm a little unclear."
Weeds
"But also your leader."
Weeds
"My dad and his moms were second cousins."
Weeds
"Oh, there you go. So, I just also wanted to say"
Weeds
"that it's been great getting to know you, and maybe one day..."
Weeds
"Wait. You think cos U-Turn dead, you off the hook?"
Weeds
"- No. - Who's in charge now?"
Weeds
"Me."
Weeds
"I'm the nigger in charge over here. You owe me now."
Weeds
"- You got a problem with that? - No, it's just..."
Weeds
"That's a big job you're taking on, Marvin."
Weeds
"- I'm a big boy. - Yeah. How's your ass doing?"
Weeds
"How'd you know about that? Nancy?"
Weeds
"I didn't say anything. I swear."
Weeds
"U-Turn. He said something about it the other day when he paid me a visit."
Weeds
"He said the Mexicans popped you? You gonna take that shit on?"
Weeds
"I ain't afraid of those Taco Bells."
Weeds
"But I am gonna settle things right."
Weeds
"- Settle? - Call a meeting."
Weeds
"Figure something out before we all kill each other."
Weeds
"You're going face to face."
Weeds
"They gonna gun your big ass down for real this time."
Weeds
"Not with her there, they won't."
Weeds
"No one wants a dead white lady on their hands."
Weeds
"Oh, I'm not sure I'm comfortable going to a gang summit."
Weeds
"You ain't got no fucking choice. We going tomorrow."
Weeds
"I thought you were going to summer camp."
Weeds
"Too expensive with the divorce. Everything's a mess."
Weeds
"- So, what's the deal here? - Watch."
Weeds
"- This is a case of betrayal. - Judas did it."
Weeds
"This is the strange case of the mad scientist."
Weeds
"Big bang's a lie and dinosaurs lived on earth the same time as man."
Weeds
"- Shane Botwin. - What?"
Weeds
"If you're gonna shove your doctrine down our throats, at least be clever about it."
Weeds
"Oh, I thought I was. But I guess you're just too smart for me."
Weeds
"Perhaps you should take over."
Weeds
"Present something to the class that is mysterious to you."
Weeds
"- OK. - OK, stand up."
Weeds
"I'd like to solve the mystery of the school that receives federal funding,"
Weeds
"yet promotes a religious curriculum"
Weeds
"in direct violation of Church-State separation mandates."
Weeds
"- Sit down, Shane Botwin. - Yes, sir."
Weeds
"- Jesus Christ. - Exactly."
Weeds
"How you doing?"
Weeds
"You know, living the dream. You?"
Weeds
"How did you know Marvin got shot? U-Turn never said anything that day."
Weeds
"You think you deserve to know the answer to that?"
Weeds
"That's what you want to talk about."
Weeds
"- Maybe I want to talk about how you kiss. - Maybe that's a discussion for another time."
Weeds
"Look. The Mexicans are real pissed at Marvin for his part in the drive-by."
Weeds
"- U-Turn's pissed they shot Marvin in the ass. - Maybe they didn't shoot him in the ass."
Weeds
"Maybe someone else did it to make it look like the Mexicans did it."
Weeds
"Maybe someone did it to start a gang war and let all them motherfuckers kill each other,"
Weeds
"so that we could all be free."
Weeds
"Don't go to this meeting."
Weeds
"Now he's concerned."
Weeds
"What the hell was I supposed to do?"
Weeds
"Something."
Weeds
"Maybe I was doing it."
Weeds
"Man."
Weeds
"Sorry I knocked over your plant."
Weeds
"It wasn't my plant."
Weeds
"I'm telling you, Mom, I'm at a very impressionable age,"
Weeds
"and if you're not careful, this pedagogy will take root,"
Weeds
"and you'll end up with a right-wing narc on your hands."
Weeds
"Hang tough. Stick to your beliefs."
Weeds
"Show a little character. I know you have it in you."
Weeds
"- They're fundamentalists. - You're not getting out of summer school."
Weeds
"I have nowhere else to put you and you're not playing with my video games all day."
Weeds
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
Weeds
"Morning."
Weeds
"Mom, this is Tara."
Weeds
"- It's a little early for a visitor. - She slept over."
Weeds
"- Silas. - Mom."
Weeds
"Not after Megan and Quinn."
Weeds
"I'm not going through this again."
Weeds
"You're not gonna make me that mom."
Weeds
"Tara, it's lovely to meet you."
Weeds
"You seem like a nice girl."
Weeds
"But my son isn't allowed to have sleepovers and he knows this."
Weeds
"Oh, we're not having sex, Mrs. Botwin."
Weeds
"I'm a virgin."
Weeds
"- Oh, really? - I honour God with my abstinence."
Weeds
"Until the day I join my husband in marriage."
Weeds
"You don't say."
Weeds
"- They're everywhere. - It's true. We're abstaining."
Weeds
"- Well, good for you. - I have a question."
Weeds
"Do you really think evolution is a lie?"
Weeds
"Well, I believe that I'm descended from Adam and Eve, and not a monkey."
Weeds
"So, natural selection, Darwinism, empirical data, none of that factors in for you?"
Weeds
"Evolution is just a theory."
Weeds
"I mean that's why they call it the Theory of Evolution"
Weeds
"- And not the Fact of Evolution. - Oh, what about..."
Weeds
"Hey. You've asked your question. Now shut the fuck up."
Weeds
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