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Clips from Weeds - Shit Highway (S03E03)

"- How fucking cool is this? - We're gonna die."
Weeds
"- Let's go. Move it. - Actually, you're gonna die."
Weeds
"I'm gonna hide under your corpse till everybody's gone."
Weeds
"I ain't gonna be nobody's dead-body blanket. We're gonna get them first."
Weeds
"We don't speak the language. We know nothing about their culture."
Weeds
"We'll have the newest fuck-you-up-good technology."
Weeds
"Insurgents are dead meat."
Weeds
"We're the fucking insurgents."
Weeds
"Dude. We're the goddamn USA. We're the best."
Weeds
"We're the coolest, richest, most righteous nation on Earth."
Weeds
"We're a debt-laden nation of religious hypocrites."
Weeds
"All we do well is shop and drive gas-guzzling SUVs."
Weeds
"You're fucking un-American."
Weeds
"Botwin! Rodriguez! Get your corn-holing, shit-stained asses over here, front and centre."
Weeds
"What's with all the recurring homophobic images?"
Weeds
"Starting to worry about this guy."
Weeds
"They're onto you, man. You're gonna get court-martialled"
Weeds
"for all that Muslim-loving shit you've been spouting."
Weeds
"Yeah? They're calling you over, too."
Weeds
"Oh. Oh."
Weeds
"I want you to return to your barracks,"
Weeds
"change into fresh greens, and report to me in nine minutes."
Weeds
"- Not eight, not ten. Is that clear? - What's up?"
Weeds
"Botwin, you do not ever ask a commanding officer what's up."
Weeds
"He's not your fucking friend. He's your goddamn master,"
Weeds
"your motherfucking God."
Weeds
"- You hear me, sperm breath? - Yeah."
Weeds
"- It's, "Yes, Sergeant." - Yes, Sergeant."
Weeds
"Fall out."
Weeds
"Move it. Pretend I'm getting ready to put my foot up your..."
Weeds
"Wow. Lights on the church work."
Weeds
"- How awesome is this? - Come on, Doug."
Weeds
"It's my turn."
Weeds
"So, are we prepared to commit our city to being Majestic's bowl"
Weeds
"because the guy next door brought over a cool model?"
Weeds
"- I'm not 100% sold. - Do you understand the numbers?"
Weeds
"- I do. - And?"
Weeds
"And we have to be able to renegotiate on our terms and not theirs, otherwise we..."
Weeds
"What's going on?"
Weeds
"I thought that we dealt with this last night."
Weeds
"- We did. - Uh-huh."
Weeds
"- Why are you here? - Why am I here?"
Weeds
"- Why is he here? - Slumming."
Weeds
"- Yeah. - And it's a good thing, too."
Weeds
"No one here knows his ass from a spreadsheet in the ground."
Weeds
"Or her ass, as the case may be."
Weeds
"Well, thanks for coming by, but we don't need you."
Weeds
"We agreed to hire an independent accountant"
Weeds
"who is gonna walk us through the entire proposal."
Weeds
"It's in the minutes."
Weeds
"- Right, Sarah? - The city coffers are empty, Celia."
Weeds
"Doug, what's your take on this Majestic proposal?"
Weeds
"Basically, Majestic's overflowing river of crap has got no place to go"
Weeds
"but through us like a fiscal colonic."
Weeds
"We got them by the sphincter."
Weeds
"- Shit highway could be our road to riches. - Our road to riches?"
Weeds
"You know, the last time I checked, you weren't even on the Council."
Weeds
"Graduated Berkeley with honours. Associate editor, Oxford University Press."
Weeds
"- What division were you in? - Sorry?"
Weeds
"What division? Academic books, reference, trade?"
Weeds
"Academic. Textbooks mostly."
Weeds
"History. Lots of Civil War stuff. Reconstruction."
Weeds
"And how did you like New York?"
Weeds
"Oh, it was big, dirty. Lots of people."
Weeds
"Coconut. Nice."
Weeds
"You're a very beautiful woman."
Weeds
"I bet you look good rolling right out of bed in the morning,"
Weeds
"or in it the night before."
Weeds
"I have my moments."
Weeds
"If I hire you, I'll be paying for the right to make comments like that. You OK with that?"
Weeds
"As long as you're OK with being shot down every time."
Weeds
"I like you, Nancy Botwin. You're an operator."
Weeds
"Here's what I do."
Weeds
"I sell values-based communities,"
Weeds
"which means that I, and you, need to act the part."
Weeds
"Crucifix pin on the lapel, a smile on the face, and a pleasant word for everyone."
Weeds
"No fucking the construction crews like my former assistant"
Weeds
"and then broadcasting it on the Internet."
Weeds
"Oh, I don't do porn so much anymore. I found it very tiring."
Weeds
"Now, Majestic is my ninth community and by far the most ambitious."
Weeds
"A lot comes through that door every day that needs to be dealt with."
Weeds
"For instance, today I need to find personalised gifts for every member"
Weeds
"of the Agrestic City Council, and I have no idea what they'd like."
Weeds
"I can do that. I know the people on the Council."
Weeds
"I figured as much, since it was Celia Hodes who recommended that I speak to you."
Weeds
"- Celia? - I think this is what's referred to as kismet."
Weeds
"Hey, spaceshot."
Weeds
"You just got yourself a job."
Weeds
"- You start Monday. - Ooh!"
Weeds
"Can't believe they expect us to do this job straight."
Weeds
"- Yeah. - Si. Muy bien."
Weeds
"Mrs. Gruber?"
Weeds
"Silas, did you know that if you drink and take Ambien,"
Weeds
"you can randomly black out and run your car into a boulder?"
Weeds
"Totalled the Volvo."
Weeds
"Who's that cute Latino guy?"
Weeds
"Hey."
Weeds
"It's so hot."
Weeds
"Yeah."
Weeds
"Why don't you take your shirt off?"
Weeds
"I'm fine."
Weeds
"You have nothing to be ashamed of."
Weeds
"You're young and lean, like ostrich meat."
Weeds
"Erm, have you been drinking, Mrs. Gruber?"
Weeds
"Don't tell."
Weeds
"Anyway, it isn't illegal unless you're behind the wheel of a car, is it?"
Weeds
"I guess not."
Weeds
"I'm wet."
Weeds
"How you know how high to hang those lights?"
Weeds
"30 inches above the plant makes for optimum lumen output in a space this size."
Weeds
"- And you got to control the temperature? - Not just temperature, also humidity"
Weeds
"so the plant don't grow bacteria and fungus."
Weeds
"And anything else you want to know, I'm a wealth of information."
Weeds
"You impressed, aren't you? You like, "Wow, Conrad know what he talking about.""
Weeds
"Yeah, if you're dick was half as smart as your brain,"
Weeds
"you would've stayed far away from that girl like I told you."
Weeds
"If we gonna work together, you got to get off my dick, dumb as it might be."
Weeds
"Ain't gonna happen otherwise."
Weeds
"Fair enough."
Weeds
"They need us, and we need them. Let's be their bowl."
Weeds
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