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Clips from Single Drunk Female - Look Me Up Sometime (S01E01)

"Where?"
Single Drunk Female
"Look, sometimes sponsees fail."
Single Drunk Female
"I have this phrase I like to use with them"
Single Drunk Female
"when they call me crying:"
Single Drunk Female
""Oh, so you decided to call me now?""
Single Drunk Female
"So... yeah."
Single Drunk Female
"As her mother,"
Single Drunk Female
"I am asking you,"
Single Drunk Female
"tell her not to go. Samantha does not belong in New York."
Single Drunk Female
"My job as her sponsor is to help her stay sober."
Single Drunk Female
"Your job as a mother is to have this conversation."
Single Drunk Female
"Yes! I'm having this conversation"
Single Drunk Female
"so you'll talk to my daughter."
Single Drunk Female
"You should talk to your daughter."
Single Drunk Female
"Okay. You're no help."
Single Drunk Female
"You are just like Samantha."
Single Drunk Female
"Sammy, I respect your right to look like a hot mess,"
Single Drunk Female
"-but these dead ends hurt me. -No, I know, just go for it. Please."
Single Drunk Female
"(gasps) Really?"
Single Drunk Female
"Aw, you never let me have my way with your locks."
Single Drunk Female
"No, I know, but I need the bad bitch haircut"
Single Drunk Female
"to go with the crazy nails."
Single Drunk Female
"Yes, bad bitch, bad bitch. Which bad bitch? Joan Jett."
Single Drunk Female
"-No, trim. -No?"
Single Drunk Female
"-Trim. -A trim?"
Single Drunk Female
"-Yeah. -Oh, my God!"
Single Drunk Female
"If you really think a trim's gonna land you this job,"
Single Drunk Female
"you're wrong."
Single Drunk Female
"Okay, well, the trim's gonna help, first of all."
Single Drunk Female
"-Okay. -Also, I just, I just need to send"
Single Drunk Female
"something good to Nathaniel, and I got it."
Single Drunk Female
"You know? Which I will get on very, very soon."
Single Drunk Female
"Just, you know, send him something you've already written"
Single Drunk Female
"and change the title."
Single Drunk Female
"Yeah, he's read everything I've already written."
Single Drunk Female
"Well, you haven't written anything new?"
Single Drunk Female
"Not really."
Single Drunk Female
"I mean, I've been, like, pretty busy"
Single Drunk Female
"with the grocery store and..."
Single Drunk Female
"Also, I really loved drinking and writing, you know?"
Single Drunk Female
"Take two shots of tequila, take out the laptop."
Single Drunk Female
"Down two more shots, you open it,"
Single Drunk Female
"and then just more shots 'cause it's fun."
Single Drunk Female
"Man, can you imagine if I was like shot, snip, shot, snip?"
Single Drunk Female
"-Sounds fun. -Well, what do you do?"
Single Drunk Female
"All right, well, you know, I've got my process."
Single Drunk Female
"Every morning, I have a green tea, which you sobers love,"
Single Drunk Female
"sing a verse of "Man! I Feel Like a Woman,""
Single Drunk Female
"three Hail Marys in the mirror. Boom. Ready to slay."
Single Drunk Female
"Huh. Yeah, I guess I'll have to figure my own thing out."
Single Drunk Female
"-I'm trying to give you something here. -No, I know. It's sweet."
Single Drunk Female
"But I'm, I'm not worried, you're more worried about it than I am."
Single Drunk Female
"I'm, like, totally fine."
Single Drunk Female
"-I mean, I'm not worried. -Okay, great."
Single Drunk Female
"You know, that being said, I think I will have to bail"
Single Drunk Female
"on, uh, Baby Boss movie night with you and Zack"
Single Drunk Female
"'cause I think I should just get started, you know."
Single Drunk Female
"It's Boss Baby. The baby's the boss."
Single Drunk Female
"He doesn't have a boss."
Single Drunk Female
"♪ ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"(spits)"
Single Drunk Female
"(clears throat)"
Single Drunk Female
"I told her not to say anything, dude,"
Single Drunk Female
"so that makes it not my fault."
Single Drunk Female
"I don't know what to tell you. Dude, just fire her, then."
Single Drunk Female
"I don't give a shit, man."
Single Drunk Female
"Hold on a second."
Single Drunk Female
"All right, that comes to $16.53."
Single Drunk Female
"-Cash. Old school. Sweet. -Yeah."
Single Drunk Female
"I'm supposed to check this for something, aren't I?"
Single Drunk Female
"I feel like people always go..."
Single Drunk Female
"Yeah, it's-it's good."
Single Drunk Female
"-Okay. -Kind of in a rush here."
Single Drunk Female
"-(computer beeping) -Whoa, it's... No?"
Single Drunk Female
"That's, that's new."
Single Drunk Female
"-Hang on. -Are you, you kidding me, man?"
Single Drunk Female
"H-H-Hold on, dude."
Single Drunk Female
"Manager to bakery. Manager to bakery."
Single Drunk Female
"-She'll be here in a sec. -Hold on, dude, I'm dealing with this stupid townie."
Single Drunk Female
"-Excuse me? -Uh, keep the change."
Single Drunk Female
"-I just need my receipt, please. -Okay. Uh-huh."
Single Drunk Female
"Yeah, you're also shopping in this town. You get that, right?"
Single Drunk Female
"You're just as much of a townie as I am."
Single Drunk Female
"The difference is, I actually got out."
Single Drunk Female
"I mean, I'm back temporarily, but I will get out again."
Single Drunk Female
"'Cause I'm a writer."
Single Drunk Female
"Not, like, a super famous one,"
Single Drunk Female
"but I was recognized in an H&M once."
Single Drunk Female
"I think they thought I was Selena Gomez,"
Single Drunk Female
"but I was still recognized, all right?"
Single Drunk Female
"So, like, you know what, dude-man, how about this?"
Single Drunk Female
"-Eat me. And keep your change. -Whoa. No."
Single Drunk Female
"-I don't need your blood money, bro! -You keep it."
Single Drunk Female
"-It's... -Wow, uh, I'm so sorry."
Single Drunk Female
"Sam, can I talk to you?"
Single Drunk Female
"-Dude, I just need a receipt. -(mockingly): Dude."
Single Drunk Female
"Wait, you're this worked up over a job interview?"
Single Drunk Female
"Well, I mean, yeah. Like, what if I get it?"
Single Drunk Female
"What if I don't? What if I get the seat on the bus"
Single Drunk Female
"next to the toilet? It's a lot of risks."
Single Drunk Female
"Girl, a bus ride and a job interview are not risks."
Single Drunk Female
"The only risk is if you didn't clear it"
Single Drunk Female
"with your probation officer."
Single Drunk Female
"Mm-hmm."
Single Drunk Female
"'Cause then you go to jail."
Single Drunk Female
"Right."
Single Drunk Female
"Oh, of course you didn't."
Single Drunk Female
"Well, thank you so much for squeezing me in."
Single Drunk Female
"I didn't realize that I needed permission"
Single Drunk Female
"just to take, like, a quick bus trip to New York."
Single Drunk Female
"So, what, what should we do?"
Single Drunk Female
"Do I have to, like, write a letter to the governor, or...?"
Single Drunk Female
"To tell him you have a job interview?"
Single Drunk Female
"You don't have a job. Like, nothing's official."
Single Drunk Female
"Okay, it's like, it's like this dude Jordan."
Single Drunk Female
"He texts me every single morning, like,"
Single Drunk Female
""Oh, my God, you are so beautiful!"
Single Drunk Female
""When are you gonna meet my mom?"
Single Drunk Female
"Can I help you with your cell phone bill?""
Single Drunk Female
"Does that make him my boyfriend?"
Single Drunk Female
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