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Clips from MacGruber - Havencroft (S01E01)

"* *"
MacGruber
"- Told you I could throw my voice."
MacGruber
"Now let me show you how to throw yours."
MacGruber
"Eww!"
MacGruber
"[balloon squeaking] Eww."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- Oh, you're on your feet."
MacGruber
"- Yeah."
MacGruber
"I thought it'd be a better way to kill you."
MacGruber
"- How you gonna do that?"
MacGruber
"- Well, actually I had a pretty complicated plan."
MacGruber
"Lots of moves and countermoves,"
MacGruber
"and I thought why not just keep it simple"
MacGruber
"and talk shit about that piece of shit brother of yours?"
MacGruber
"Get you so bent out of shape that you start making mistakes."
MacGruber
"Use your own weapon to cut your head off."
MacGruber
"- [chuckles]"
MacGruber
"Yeah. Like that would ever work."
MacGruber
"- I don't know, you seem pretty dumb."
MacGruber
"- What? - But Lon seemed even dumber."
MacGruber
"- Fuck you! [yell]"
MacGruber
"- Checksmate."
MacGruber
"Sorry about your pants."
MacGruber
"- Two minutes remaining."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- I'll rip your fucking throat out"
MacGruber
"and shove it down your throat."
MacGruber
"- Can't do it, can you? What a surprise."
MacGruber
"But then again, you and I never were much alike."
MacGruber
"I was always a breast man. You were way more into butts."
MacGruber
"I'm gonna give you a choice, son."
MacGruber
"You can either die now,"
MacGruber
"or I can let you live just long enough"
MacGruber
"to see the end of the world as we know it."
MacGruber
"- Oh, you'd do that for me? - Ah, you're family."
MacGruber
"- You wish."
MacGruber
"You have no idea what a family is."
MacGruber
"- Aw, that hurts my feelings. - Aww, I'm sorry."
MacGruber
"- Now, hopefully, this hurts yours."
MacGruber
"- No!"
MacGruber
"- Oh, Vicki. Hi."
MacGruber
"Did you get to see me shoot MacGruber in the heart?"
MacGruber
"- MacGruber! No, no, no."
MacGruber
"MacGruber. MacGruber! MacGruber, can you hear me?"
MacGruber
"Don't go towards the lights. Stay in the dark."
MacGruber
"Whatever you do. Just stay in the dark!"
MacGruber
"[sentimental music]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- Casey?"
MacGruber
"- Do you feel it, MacGruber?"
MacGruber
"- Oh, my God."
MacGruber
"It's like I have a thousand penises,"
MacGruber
"and they're all shooting at the same time."
MacGruber
"- That's what it feels like for women too."
MacGruber
"Like we have a thousand penises."
MacGruber
"Now, come to me. Come to the light."
MacGruber
"- But I can't leave Vicki."
MacGruber
"- That's not your choice to make."
MacGruber
"When it's time, it's time."
MacGruber
"- Mommy, I'm coming home."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- You killed him. You killed your own son!"
MacGruber
"- Well, as a parent, you can't be afraid to discipline."
MacGruber
"- 60 seconds to worldwide destruction."
MacGruber
"- You're a monster,"
MacGruber
"and I am gonna tear you a new butthole!"
MacGruber
"- Isn't it a little soon to be getting intimate"
MacGruber
"with another guy?"
MacGruber
"Let alone his dad?"
MacGruber
"Kinky."
MacGruber
"- I wouldn't get intimate with you"
MacGruber
"for all the Jelly Bellies in the world."
MacGruber
"- Your loss."
MacGruber
"- Go ahead. Shoot me."
MacGruber
"I would rather be dead than live in a world"
MacGruber
"without MacGruber."
MacGruber
"- Ah, the lady means business."
MacGruber
"- Oh, yeah, you bet I do, because you just killed"
MacGruber
"the greatest living man to ever walk this earth."
MacGruber
"- If you're dumb enough to believe that,"
MacGruber
"then you two really were meant for each other."
MacGruber
"- You could say that"
MacGruber
"we were like two peas in a pod."
MacGruber
"Bangers and mash."
MacGruber
"Brooks & Dunn. Jack and the Box."
MacGruber
"- Ten seconds."
MacGruber
"We were so locked into a rhythm."
MacGruber
"- Seven."
MacGruber
"It was almost like we could"
MacGruber
"read each other's minds."
MacGruber
"[dramatic music]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"[MacGruber yelling]"
MacGruber
"- No!"
MacGruber
"- Sequence terminated."
MacGruber
"- MacGruber, we did it."
MacGruber
"- [laughs]"
MacGruber
"We sure did."
MacGruber
"- Where did you get a rocket launcher?"
MacGruber
"- I got it from my brother."
MacGruber
"- You have a brother?"
MacGruber
"- He does now."
MacGruber
"[triumphant music]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"[laughter]"
MacGruber
"- For distinguished service to the country and the world,"
MacGruber
"we salute Lieutenant Colonel Dixon Piper,"
MacGruber
"MacGruber,"
MacGruber
"and Vicki St. Elmo MacGruber Fasoose MacGruber."
MacGruber
"[applause]"
MacGruber
"[victorious music]"
MacGruber
"- [mouths word]"
MacGruber
"Get in here."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"So then I shot a rocket-propelled RPG"
MacGruber
"straight through Vicki's legs right into my dad's face,"
MacGruber
"and it was just dad chunks for days."
MacGruber
"- I think I'm gonna go put her down."
MacGruber
"- But hurry back."
MacGruber
"I got a primo story about rippin' a dude's nose off"
MacGruber
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